


To Build a Home

by TheArchiveGhost



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Bethany the badass bisexual, Cullen gets naked at one point, Cullen's redemption arc, Drug Addiction, Eventual Romance, F/M, Lyrium Withdrawal, Varric's the Dad Friend, kind of violent revolutionaries, post-Kirkwall life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-12
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-16 23:52:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 57,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9295184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheArchiveGhost/pseuds/TheArchiveGhost
Summary: Bethany Hawke was no longer soft. She had been, for so long she had been soft - Garrett Hawke’s darling, naive little sister, whom Isabela called Sweetness and Varric called Sunshine. But life, and Kirkwall in particular, had a way of hammering that out of a person.





	1. Chapter One

Bethany Hawke was no longer soft. She had been, for so long she had been soft - Garrett Hawke’s darling, naive little sister, whom Isabela called Sweetness and Varric called Sunshine. But life, and Kirkwall in particular, had a way of hammering that out of a person, leaving them weathered and tough and cynical.

The Gallows had nearly broken her, if she was honest. Until she had been made Enchanter, she and the other mages had been essentially confined to their cells unless the Templars let them out for training. She and her fellow mages lived in constant fear of being made Tranquil, and rumors that Knight-Commander Meredith had requested the Right of Annulment swirled daily. After the Rebellion, Bethany and many of the mages who remained from the Kirkwall Circle were forced to flee the city. When Garrett and Anders had also fled, Garrett had pleaded with her to go with them, to leave the Free Marches behind her, and had this happened less than a decade before, she would have agreed. But she had watched her fellow mages struggle, and she knew that she could help them.

She was no longer soft, so she must make herself hard for them.

The mages set up a life for themselves outside the harsh restraints of the Circle. At first they hadn’t known what to do with themselves. Most of them had been too young when they were sent to the Gallows to know what it was like to live out from under the omnipresent watch of the Templars. But Bethany and a few other older apostates helped as best as they could, and within a year they were as established as a semi-nomadic group could be. It was difficult, living constantly on edge, always ready to pick up and run at the slightest hint of danger, but Bethany did it, for them and for herself. She couldn’t help, even after all these years, feeling like she had to prove herself to a brother who wasn’t even there.

It was three years before she heard from Garrett, and she had to admit that they were lonely ones. She had few friends amongst her fellow mages, had never really been able to connect with anyone the way she’d connected with her brother’s ragtag group of friends. In her darkest moments, she allowed herself to miss them - miss Varric’s wild tales and ready laugh, miss Merrill’s wide-eyed optimism and genuinely friendly nature, Anders’s kindness with a hint of steel, Isabela’s innuendos and lingering smiles, even Fenris’s angry stoicism and Sebastian’s quiet disapproval.

The raven with the letter from her big brother arrived in the morning of 13th Harvestmere, 9:40 Dragon, just as the weather was starting to turn cold and she was wondering, again, how she was going to keep all of her mages (for she really had begun to think of them as _her_ mages) warm.

‘Bethany!’  her kind of second-in-command, Corin, called to her, and she looked up from where she had been teaching one of the younger mages - a bright young elf named Neris - how to summon a ball of fire without setting her sleeves ablaze. ‘Letter for you.’ There was a raven perched on Corin’s arm, and it dutifully hopped to Bethany’s arm from Corin’s, and stuck its foot out for her to grab the rolled-up letter. Corin eyed the raven a bit nervously.

‘It’s okay,’ Bethany assured him. ‘I recognize the writing - it’s from a friend.’ Corin nodded and left, beckoning Neris after him to give Bethany some privacy to read her letter. The raven was one of Anders’s, Bethany could tell - he had been carefully experimenting in Kirkwall, figuring out how to enchant a messenger raven to find anyone anywhere without harming the bird.

She sat down on a nearby stump and stared down at her name in the familiar messy handwriting that she hadn’t seen in far too long, noticing that her fingers were shaking ever so slightly. She didn’t know what she had to be nervous about, but she found herself inexplicably hesitant to open the missive. She should have been elated to hear from her only remaining family after so long, shouldn’t she?

 _Dear baby sister,_ it started, once she finally gathered the nerve to unroll it. She immediately felt tears well up in her eyes, which she brushed away roughly.

 _I hear tell you’ve gone and made yourself leader of your little gang of runaways. Can’t say I’m surprised, really - I always knew you’d be a great leader of men someday. I’m sure you just had to flutter those long lashes and toss that beautiful dark hair and people would follow you to the ends of the earth and back._ She scowled down at the letter fondly, imagining Garrett chuckling to himself as he wrote it. _It’s been too long since I’ve been in contact, and I’m sorry about that. My traveling companion and I have been running incognito for the last couple years - I’m sure you understand how that is. I don’t want to put too much down in this letter, just in case, but know that there hasn’t been a single day that I haven’t thought about you, and how much I miss you. Hopefully we’ll be together soon._ A single tear fell to the parchment, and Bethany scrubbed her eyes roughly, unaware that she had been crying. She sniffled, then went back to reading Garrett’s letter.

 _Word’s reached us through some of our friend’s...underground networks...that your people are growing restless. His contact wouldn’t, or couldn’t, say much more, but it seems like the traditional rivals are about to clash again. I know you’ve said already that you think your place is in the Marches, with your friends, but would you at least consider coming back to Ferelden? We have been looking for a safe place to stay, and we think we’ve found one. We’ve also been in contact with our delightfully redheaded friend_ (This irked Bethany slightly - her brother had been able to contact Avaline, but not her? She set this rather petty thought aside for another time.) _and she says she would be more than willing to meet you in the Marches and bring you to me._

_Please, baby sister, say you’ll consider it, at the very least._

_I miss you. Please write back. The raven will know where to find me._

_Love, big brother._

Bethany set the letter down on her lap with a heavy sigh after reading through it once more, and rubbed her eyes tiredly. The intentionally vague near-code-speak was somewhat difficult to decipher, but she knew what Garrett was talking about - or at least had an inkling. Although she and the other mages with her were fairly isolated, she did try to keep up with what was going on in the rest of the world as much as possible. She had heard that an elf named Fiona, who had been the Grand Enchanter at a Circle in Orlais, and then a Grey Warden - an interesting combination, Bethany thought - had started a mage rebellion, and the Templars were growing closer and closer to shutting it down. Tensions were high, and Bethany had to admit that Garrett’s worries weren’t entirely unfounded. Still, she couldn’t justify leaving her mages to fend for themselves, and he hadn’t mentioned anything about accommodations for them.

With a heavy sigh, she headed back to the tent she shared with three other mages, pulled a scrap of parchment from the haphazard pile on their makeshift desk, and started a reply letter.

 _Dearest big brother,_ she began, taking his cue at not using names, just to be safe.

_Thank you so much for your letter. I’ve missed you terribly, and seeing your writing was almost as good as seeing you. My friends and I are getting by as best as we can. There are about twenty of us now -  we’ve lost a dozen since we left, either because they’ve left or due to illness. We could really use your friend's help here - our healers were the first to go, right before everything went south, and I am missing his expertise sorely. But we are surviving, with no small thanks to your training during those early days in our new home. I miss you terribly, big brother._

_As far as your concerns go, I do understand, but I must, once again, decline to join you. I am needed here, and unless your safe place can accommodate all of my traveling companions and myself, I’m afraid you’ll have to tell our friend she’ll be staying in the city. Despite this, I do hope that we might see each other sooner rather than later._

_I love you. Say hello to your friend for me._

_Love, baby sister._

She rolled the letter carefully and sealed it as best as she could with what was left from Garrett’s wax seal, then attached it to the tube on the raven’s leg and carried the bird outside to let it go. She watched it until she could no longer see it, then sighed and made her way across the camp, over to the map table, where three of the older mages were arguing over whether they should stay at their current location, or relocate for the winter.

\-----

It was eight days before she received a reply from Garrett, and it was frustratingly brief.

_Stay where you are for another little while. I can’t come to you directly, but someone will meet you about a week after you receive this. Stay safe, baby sister._

She stared at the letter. _Someone will meet you…._ that someone could only be Aveline, couldn’t it? As far as Bethany knew, none of Garrett’s other friends and contacts were close enough to their location to be there within the week. With a frustrated groan, she trudged off to tell the apostates that they would be staying still for at least another week.

Garrett’s plan became clear five days later, when none other than Aveline Vallen, Guard-Captain of Kirkwall herself, rode into their little camp. The lookouts alerted Bethany immediately, and she hurried from the cooking fire at once to greet her old friend. She stopped and stared a minute as Aveline dismounted and adjusted her traveling armour. Aveline looked much the same as she had the last time Bethany had seen her, on the last day she had spent in Kirkwall. Her red hair was starting to show streaks of grey, even though Aveline was only a few years older than Garrett. That, and the small lines around her eyes and mouth, must have been from the stress of her job, which can’t have gotten any easier in the years since the mage uprising and the Chantry explosion. Aveline finally turned to Bethany, and a slow grin spread across her face. Bethany had to admit that, even though she was moderately irritated with Garrett for going behind her back and sending Aveline despite her protests, she was incredibly glad to see a familiar, friendly face. Bethany smiled in return, then swiftly crossed the remaining distance between them and flung her arms around Aveline’s neck.

‘I’ve missed you,’ Bethany laughed into Aveline’s ear, and was rewarded with a hearty chuckle.

‘I’ve missed you, too, little Hawke.’ Aveline held her out at arm’s length and examined her closely. ‘Not so little, huh? You’ve changed a lot, Bethany.’

‘It’s only been three years, Aveline,’ Bethany said gently, but she knew what Aveline meant. The last few years had been hard on all of them.

‘Is there somewhere we can talk?’ Aveline asked in lieu of a response.

‘We’ll go to my tent.’ Bethany gestured back behind her. ‘I share it with three others, but no one’s using it right now. Or if you’d prefer someplace more private, we could step out into the woods just a ways.’

‘The tent will be fine,’ Aveline assured her, and motioned for Bethany to lead the way. Bethany opened the canvas tent flap and ushered Aveline in, gesturing for her to take a seat on one of the four rickety cots set up in the tent. ‘How long have you been here?’ Aveline asked once she had settled herself.

‘About...two months now, I believe. We were planning on leaving a week ago, until I got Garrett’s letter. We don’t like staying in one place for too long, especially once it starts getting cold.’ Aveline nodded thoughtfully.

‘You’ve done well, Bethany,’ she said seriously. ‘I know it must’ve been hard for you, living in Garrett’s shadow, but you’ve kept these mages alive and safe, all on your own merit. Well done.’ Bethany ducked her head to hide her pleased smile. Aveline continued. ‘Now, to get to business.’ Bethany looked back up and was immensely pleased to see Aveline’s familiar, no-nonsense face back in place. ‘Garrett has asked me to bring you and your mages to the coast, where you will board a ship to Ferelden. He and Anders will be waiting for you there, and will take you to safety.’ Bethany stared at her, wide-eyed.

‘He has...he found a safe place for...all of us?’ Aveline nodded. Bethany could scarcely believe it. ‘Where?’

‘Varric has sent word of a new organization forming, trying to stop the inevitable clash between the Templars and the mages. It seems the Seekers have been questioning him about your brother’s whereabouts, and Garrett’s agreed to go talk to them. They’ve settled in Haven, on the eastern edge of Ferelden. It will take nearly a month to get there, with all of you traveling together, but Garrett is sure that you’ll be safe.’ Aveline’s business face melted into a soft smile. ‘Besides, I think he would just really like you to be together again.’

‘I would like that, too,’ Bethany murmured quietly, her mind working through her options. ‘I’ll ask the other mages what they think,’ she finally decided. ‘I can’t just expect that they’ll all be okay with leaving their home country behind.’ She stood and turned to leave, and Aveline followed with an approving nod. A few words to some of the mages closest by, and all nineteen of them were gathered around Bethany within minutes, looking at her expectantly. Not too long ago, this would have unnerved her. But these were _her_ mages, and she felt sure of herself as she looked around at them. ‘We’ve been given an opportunity to leave the Free Marches,’ she began without preamble. A murmur went through the apostates, but they fell quiet once she started speaking again. ‘My brother has arranged a ship for us, to take us to Ferelden where we will meet him. He will take us to safety then, away from the Templars. The whole journey will take over a month. I cannot in good conscience ask you all to leave your home country, but I can ask you to come with me in hopes of rebuilding a life for ourselves.’ Her words were met with a stunned silence this time, as nineteen faces stared at her incredulously. Finally, Corin put up his hand tentatively.

‘I would like to stay here,’ he admitted, looking almost ashamed. ‘If we’re going to move, I would like to try and go back to my parents’ home, now that things have calmed down some.’ Bethany nodded her acceptance, keeping her expression carefully neutral. Bolstered by Corin’s admission and Bethany’s acquiescence, eight more mages also voiced their preference to stay in the Free Marches. Bethany gathered the ten mages who had decided to go with her - including little Neris, Bethany was pleased to note - and detailed the plan further. They would travel to the coast, which would take about a week, and from there take a ship to Ferelden and meet with Garrett and Anders. They would then take a month-long journey from the Storm Coast to Haven, where they would meet the new organization Garrett would be talking with. The details were still a little fuzzy, unfortunately, but Bethany’s mages all looked at her with such trust that she felt her heart clench a little bit. She hoped to Andraste that she wasn’t leading them astray.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first long fic, and my first real venture deep into the Dragon Age lore. Some of the timelines are fudged a bit, but I've tried to keep everything as accurate as possible. I'm always open to constructive criticism so if you notice anything glaring, please let me know! I've been wanting to read some Bethany/Cullen fics for a while, but there are so few of them that I just had to write it!


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To put things into context, timeline-wise, Bethany and the other mages land on the Storm Coast on 6 Firstfall 9:40 Dragon

It took them just under a week to reach the coast, as they had left all of the extras they could with the mages who would be staying. Bethany had held herself together as best as she could during the goodbyes, keeping her face stoic, but she had allowed herself a few tears as she, Aveline, and the mages traveling with them headed out of their camp. Aveline gave her a moment of privacy before catching up from where she had been leading her horse just behind Bethany.

‘You’re terribly brave,’ Aveline said solemnly, laying a gentle hand on Bethany’s arm briefly. ‘Leaving everything behind, I mean.’

‘I don’t have a home here, anymore,’ Bethany replied with a slightly sour twist to her lips. ‘I haven’t really had a home for more than a decade, Aveline.’

‘I don’t believe that,’ Aveline countered. ‘You had a home with us. But it’s more than that. You just convinced ten apostates to leave their home country and travel over 300 miles from everything they’ve ever known. That’s something that requires more than a little bravery, Bethany.’ Bethany didn’t answer, but Aveline seemed to sense how grateful she was.

The week of traveling was rough, but Bethany’s apostates never uttered a word of complaint. Every night they huddled together in one tent - the tent Bethany had shared with three other mages originally had seemed small when they had packed it, but was a blessing now that the weather was growing colder the closer they got to the coast. Bethany was immeasurably proud of her little group of mages - three years ago they had been so sheltered by the Circle that most of them didn’t know how to live outside of a city, and now they were all essentially trained survivalists.

They stopped for the night just off the coast, and Aveline announced that she would be leaving them in the morning.

‘I have my duties in the city to attend to, I can’t afford to be gone much longer.’

‘Plus your new groom,’ Bethany teased gently, grinning when a slow flush spread over Aveline’s cheeks. Aveline had admitted in a hushed conversation two nights prior that she and Guardsman Donnic had finally gotten married the previous spring.

‘Yes,’ she agreed happily. ‘Yes, that too.’

The night was a tense one, far more so than the rest of the journey had been. Bethany suspected that the mages were just fully realizing that they would be leaving, possibly forever. The journey before them would be long and arduous, and it wasn’t guaranteed one hundred percent that they would be safe at the end of it, but they all knew this, and they had followed her anyways. They would be boarding a ship in the morning, and many of them had never been on a ship in their life.

Bethany hardly slept a wink.

Aveline left the next morning with the dawn, just as a ship came into view on the horizon. She hugged Bethany a little tighter than absolutely necessary.

‘Be careful, Bethany. Tell Anders and Garrett hello for me. We’ll meet again.’

‘Goodbye, Aveline,’ Bethany murmured into her friend’s ear. ‘Thank you for everything.’ Aveline squeezed her once more, stepped back, and turned around with a businesslike nod to mount her horse and gallop off back towards Kirkwall. Bethany watched her go for several moments, then turned back towards the sea to find all of the mages staring at her. They all looked as lost as Bethany felt, so she hitched a smile in place and stepped forward to take charge once more.

‘The trip across the Waking Sea shouldn’t take more than two days, at the most. My brother has assured me that the captain is trustworthy.’ She glanced out towards the open water, noting that the ship seemed to have anchored some ways offshore. ‘It looks like we’ll be taking a small boat across to the ship, since they can’t anchor any closer without running aground.’

It was twenty minutes of tense waiting before the two rowboats made it to shore, and Bethany couldn’t believe her eyes when she saw who was waiting for her in one of them.

‘Sweetness!’ Isabela called as she hopped out of the rowboat before it had even fully come ashore.

‘Isabela?’ Bethany said incredulously, staring at the pirate captain. She had known that Garrett would only send someone he trusted, but she had never imagined that he’d be able to get ahold of Isabela herself. ‘Isabela!’ Her careful composure cracked, and she ran across the rocky beach as fast as she could and threw herself into Isabela’s waiting arms. Of all her brother’s friends - who had, mostly by association, become her friends - Bethany had always, surprisingly, been closest to Isabela. Isabela had become her confidante; she never judged, she never ridiculed, and she kept secrets locked up tight. She had been Bethany’s first real non-family friend in Kirkwall, among other firsts - and oh how Garrett had been irked when he had found out about that (Bethany secretly thought it was jealousy, though Garrett would never in a thousand years admit it).

‘Hey, Sweetness,’ Isabela murmured into Bethany’s hair. ‘It’s been a while.’

‘I missed you,’ Bethany whispered back. ‘I had heard that you hadn’t made it out of Kirkwall, I was worried.’

‘Nothing could stop me from leaving when I want to,’ Isabela chuckled, pulling back. ‘Now here, enough of that,’ she said gently, reaching up to wipe away a tear that Bethany hadn’t realized was rolling down her cheek. Bethany reached up to roughly scrub her face.

‘It’s the sea breeze,’ she said with a grin. ‘Nothing to do with you.’

‘Of course, Sweetness.’ Isabela grinned wickedly. ‘Will you be sharing the captain’s cabin, then, sweet girl, or will you sleep below with your runaways?’ Bethany laughed, which was what Isabela had hoped for, and swatted the Rivaini on the arm. Isabela looked over Bethany’s shoulder to where the apostates were still huddled a ways back on the beach. ‘Are these your apostates, then? Hawke said there’d be more of you.’

‘Some of them decided to stay in the Marches,’ Bethany replied, turning around to gesture for them to join her. They approached hesitantly, clearly a bit intimidated by the pirate. ‘There were twenty - there’s eleven of us now.’

‘All the better. Come on, ducklings, let’s get you aboard my ship.’

Bethany watched her mages carefully as the two boats bobbed across the sea towards the ship. They seemed okay for the most part, but Neris looked faintly green, and two half-elf siblings, Topher and Rena, were clutching each other’s hands as if holding on for dear life.

‘It’s only a two day journey,’ Bethany reminded them quietly. ‘It will be over before you know it.’ They nodded gratefully, but Bethany noticed that they kept casting doubting glances towards the ship as it grew closer and closer.

\-----

Due to a strong winter storm that blew them off course the second day, it took two days longer than Bethany had anticipated, and they were hellish. As much as she would have loved to have spent the journey up on deck with Isabela, she was forced to stay belowdecks with her mages, and administer to their seasickness as much as possible. Thankfully, Eleanor and Arell, two of the older mages, were left unscathed, and helped as best as they could, but Bethany still went to bed the first two nights completely exhausted.

The third day was better, and Bethany was able to emerge from belowdecks to feel the cool sea air on her skin. She lifted her face towards the sky and breathed in deeply, letting a smile spread across her face. She knew that the worst was probably still before them, but there on the ship, with fresh air in her face, she couldn’t help but allow herself a moment of hopeful peace.

‘It’s different out here, isn’t it, Sweetness?’ Bethany turned slightly to look at Isabela, who had come up beside her so quietly that Bethany hadn’t heard her at all. ‘I can tell you feel it, too. It’s peaceful.’ Isabela leaned on the railing next to Bethany and bumped her gently with her hip. ‘You sure you don’t want to stay out here with me? Sail the seas and forget all about mages and Templars and land?’

‘Tempting,’ Bethany laughed, turning to rest her elbows behind her on the railing and looking across at the bustle of daily life on the ship. It _was_ tempting, too. But Bethany had obligations, and no matter how much she may have wished to have this easy escape, she couldn’t back out of her chosen path now. ‘I’d make a terrible sailor, though.’

‘I don’t think you could do anything terribly,’ Isabela countered with a broad wink.

That night was quiet. The sea had calmed down, and with it the mages’ seasickness. Bethany lay awake in her hammock, listening to the gentle sleep noises of the mages, unable to sleep herself. She had to admit that she was anxious to see her brother after all those years. She knew she had changed. She hoped that he would recognize her. It was silly, she knew, but those same thoughts kept running themselves around and around her brain, until she gave up on sleep entirely and slipped as quietly as she could out of her hammock and padded up the stairs to the top deck, crossing as swiftly as she could to Isabela’s cabin. She knocked firmly and entered when bid, closing the door behind her. The cabin was a lot more bare than Bethany had anticipated, but little hints of Isabela’s personality were scattered here and there - a red scarf was draped across the window, Isabela’s gold jewelry was strewn across the writing desk, and Bethany was almost certain that the pictures engraved on Isabela’s trunk were filthy.

‘Well, well,’ Isabela drawled, unfolding from the chair she had been draped on and setting her book down. ‘Hello, Sweetness. It’s been too long since I’ve found you in my bedchamber.’ She raised one dark eyebrow suggestively, and, to her credit, Bethany managed not to blush. She remembered all too clearly how she had waited in Isabela’s room at the Hanged Man for nearly an hour, twisting her hands together and pacing nervously, carefully planning out what she was going to say, only to burst out as soon as Isabela entered the room ‘What are the six things?’ But that was nearly a decade ago, and Bethany was no longer the blushing twenty-year-old she had been then.

‘It’s been...a while,’ Bethany admitted, and she wasn’t just talking about that night. She stepped closer boldly, loosening the ties on her robes as she went. ‘Is this all right?’

‘Oh, little Hawke,’ Isabela chuckled, standing up swiftly and placing her hands on either side of Bethany’s face. ‘You’re always all right.’ She leaned in closer, but waited for Bethany to make the final move, and she obliged with alacrity, closing the gap between them and kissing Isabela hungrily. Isabela responded in kind, moving her hands to tangle in Bethany’s hair while Bethany slipped her own hands around Isabela’s waist and tugging her closer, so their bodies were flush together. Isabela nipped Bethany’s lip, pulled away with a playful gleam in her eye, then lowered her head to suck gently on the sensitive spot she remembered just below Bethany’s jaw. This earned her an appreciative moan from the mage, whose head fell back to allow better access. Isabela took this opportunity to spin the two of them and tumble them down onto her bed, landing atop Bethany with her hands on either side of Bethany’s head, and while she was still stunned, moved down to gently bite at Bethany’s clavicle.

‘Oh, I have missed you, Isabela,’ Bethany breathed, threading her fingers through the pirate captain’s hair.

‘I know, Sweetness,’ Isabela chuckled. ‘I’ve missed you, too.’

\-----

Bethany slipped out of Isabela’s cabin shortly before dawn to return to her hammock, wanting to be there when the mages woke up. She placed a warm, lingering kiss to Isabela’s waiting lips before she went.

‘Because I don’t think we’ll be able to have a proper goodbye in the morning,’ she explained with a soft smile. Isabela chuckled throatily and returned the kiss, then smacked Bethany’s rear when she turned to leave.

Bethany smiled slightly to herself as she sat in the rowboat, watching Isabela’s ship recede into the distance. Isabela had been forced to anchor further offshore this time due to how rocky the Storm Coast was, and the choppy waves were currently tossing the two little boats about with impunity. Bethany and a few of the other mages were doing their best to magically keep the boats steady, but there was only so much they could do against the elements, and the mages who had just recovered from their seasickness were once again looking a little grey around the edges. This was enough to keep Bethany occupied during the thirty minutes it took the reach the shore, so she didn’t have time to think about how anxious she was to see her brother again.

Garrett and Anders weren’t there when the mages came ashore. Bethany had to work hard to hide her disappointment from the other mages.

‘This is the right spot, yes?’ Eleanor asked worriedly, looking around at the empty, rocky beach. She and several of the other mages looked back out to sea, but Isabela’s crewmen were already rowing back to the ship.

‘This is where Garrett said to meet him. Between the two rock spires. He’ll be here.’ She was glad her voice didn’t shake as much as it felt like it should have. She was far more worried than she wanted the other mages to see.

But her brother would be there. He never let her down.

They waited on the beach for nearly an hour, and Bethany could feel the other mages casting accusatory glances her way as she lit a fire and they all set about preparing a meal. They were nearly done eating a watery vegetable soup when Topher and Rena came running back to camp from their post as lookout.

‘Someone’s coming!’ Rena announced a bit breathlessly. Bethany got to her feet calmly, setting down her bowl of soup.

‘Did you see them?’ Bethany asked.

‘No, I just heard them. They’re still a little ways off, around that cliff there, but I could hear them. At least two people.’

‘It’s probably my brother and his partner,’ Bethany responded evenly, hiding the anxiety knotting up in her stomach. ‘Stay here, but stay ready. I’m going to go see who it is.’ Eleanor made to stand and follow, but Bethany waved her down. ‘It’ll be fine.’ Bethany strode out of their little camp area, out of the circle of firelight. Her heart was pounding, and she had a fire spell ready at the tips of her fingers just in case. She wasn’t very far out of camp when she heard them, and the voice was so familiar she felt an ache in her chest, and had to stop and collect herself for a moment. Her big brother’s voice was as familiar to her as her own, and the years had done nothing to diminish that. His voice was growing closer, and it sounded like he was just about to come around the corner of the cliff by the time she heard him.

‘C’mon, Anders!’ he was saying, not bothering to be quiet. ‘We’re already so late, they may have moved on to higher ground by now.’

‘Bethany’s smart, Garrett,’ Anders replied in his soft, even voice. ‘She’ll have known to stay put where we could find them.’

‘You should always listen to Anders,’ Bethany said with a grin as the two men rounded the corner, nearly running right into her. They both froze for a mere second before Garrett let out an exuberant _whoop_ and jumped forward to sweep Bethany up into a bone crushing embrace, lifting her off her feet and spinning her around.

‘Baby sister!’ he shouted, and Bethany flung her arms around his neck with a laugh, burying her face in his neck. He set her down after a few spins, but held on to her tightly, leaning down to rest his head on top of hers. Bethany realized she was crying and laughing at the same time, and she pulled back so she could wipe her eyes. ‘Hey now,’ Garrett said gently, reaching up to smooth the tears away from her cheeks. ‘None of that. This is happy, yeah?’ Bethany nodded mutely, reaching up to rest her hand on Garrett’s cheek.

‘I missed you terribly,’ she finally said. He grinned and turned his head to stick his tongue out on her palm. ‘I take it back!’ she yelped, jerking her hand away with a laugh and smacking him in the chest. ‘You’re disgusting!’

‘He is at that,’ Anders agreed as Garrett laughed and rubbed at the spot on his chest that Bethany had hit, even though there was no way it could possibly have hurt.

‘I’ve missed you the most, Anders,’ Bethany said, sticking her tongue out at her brother childishly before turning to wrap Anders in a tight hug. He was thinner than she remembered him being, but otherwise looked well.

‘I suspected as much,’ he agreed amiably. ‘Now, let’s get back to your mages, shall we?’

Bethany lead them back to their little camp, where they were greeted by the anxiously-waiting apostates.

‘It’s all right,’ Bethany assured them. ‘It’s okay. It’s just my brother and Anders. With an absolutely riveting story as to why they’re so late, I'm sure.’

Garrett laughed and threw himself down onto one of the driftwood logs they had dragged to the fire, while the mages all eyed him speculatively. Clearly this man wasn’t who they were expecting when they had heard that Bethany’s older brother was the Champion of Kirkwall. Anders, for his part, sat down far more sedately on Garrett’s left-hand side while Bethany took his right.

‘A fine story it is, too,’ he agreed expansively. ‘We had every intention of being here when you got here, even though the storm made you later than we had anticipated. We waited on this beach for two extra days with nary a glimpse of your ship ahead of us and no sign of trouble from behind. Then, as luck would have it, not five hours ago we were set upon by a group of Templars!’

‘Templars!’ Eleanor exclaimed. ‘Are we safe here?’

‘Oh, quite safe, my lady,’ Garrett assured her with his signature roguish grin that had charmed the pants off many a man and woman. Bethany thought that Eleanor would be far too sensible to fall for it, but the woman blushed and cast her eyes down. Bethany let out a sigh from her nose, trying to be quiet, but Garrett looked at her out of the corner of his eye and winked. ‘We dispatched the Templars with no trouble and had just finished scouting and clearing the surrounding area when we crossed paths with my darling sister here.’

‘You’ve spent far too much time with Varric,’ Bethany murmured. Garrett winked at her again and Anders chuckled.

‘The area is safe and secure,’ Anders assured them, his soft voice inexplicably soothing. ‘Still, we should not stay here longer than one more night. Tomorrow morning we’ll set out very early - it’s going to be a long journey to Haven.’

‘We should set up our tent off the beach,’ Bethany said, standing up from the log. ‘We’ll be more secure out of the open, and I’m sure it’s going to rain tonight.’

‘We’ve taken care of that, as well,’ Anders said, following her up into a standing position. ‘We found a cave nearby that’s not warm, but it’s dry and there are two ways out should anything happen. We had to clear out a few deepstalker, but it should be serviceable for one night’s rest.’ The mages agreed to this quickly and, after quenching their fire, followed Garrett and Anders to the cave, the entrance of which was hidden just behind a rocky outcropping. It certainly felt safe and secure, and it was small enough that it warmed quickly once all thirteen of them were huddled inside and Anders had started a small fire.

While the rest of the mages settled down, Garrett motioned for Anders and Bethany to follow him to the mouth of the cave, ostensibly to keep watch. They sat just inside, looking out over the stormy sea.

‘So, baby sister,’ Garrett said, leaning back against the cave wall. Anders leaned against Garrett’s legs, and Garrett played with his long blonde hair - which had grown even shaggier in the last three years - absently while he talked. ‘The last few years must’ve been busy for you.’

‘In a way,’ she admitted. ‘It’s mostly just been moving around the Vimmarks, avoiding Templars and trying to stay alive.’

‘You’ve done a good job,’ Garrett said approvingly, and Bethany was glad that the gloomy half-dark hid her pleased smile. ‘The other mages clearly look up to you. I don’t know that any of the rest of us could have done what you’ve done.’

‘I’ve tried my best,’ Bethany allowed. ‘There are things that I haven’t been able to do. Anders, would you be willing to teach me some of your healing spells? I know there are things I won’t be able to do, but I’d like to be a little more proficient than I am now.’

‘Of course, Bethany,’ Anders agreed immediately. ‘We’ll have plenty of time on the journey to Haven, I’ll teach you as much as I can.’

Bethany thanked him and they lapsed into a companionable silence.

‘You should get some sleep,’ Garrett said quietly after a few minutes, and Anders’s soft snoring told them that the blonde apostate had preemptively taken that advice. ‘We have a long day tomorrow, and I can only imagine how tired you are.’ Bethany opened her mouth to argue, but was stopped by a jaw-cracking yawn, so she agreed to at least try to catch a few hour’s rest. She stood up and stretched, then leaned over to place a kiss to the top of Garrett’s head.

‘Good night, big brother.’

‘Good night, baby sister.’ She turned to head back into the cave, but his voice from behind her stopped her once more. ‘They’d be so proud of you, you know.’ He was uncharacteristically serious, and she turned slightly back to him, but he was looking out towards the sea, his fingers still twining through Anders’s hair. ‘Mother and father. Even Carver would be, I think. They’d be proud of all you’ve done.’ Bethany couldn’t answer, but Garrett seemed to understand. She saw a soft smile stretch over his face, and as she turned back to the cave, she caught him lower his head and plant a gentle kiss to Anders’s forehead. Bethany sighed quietly and padded back into the cave, feeling contented despite everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That scene in the middle was completely unnecessary, let's face it, but I'll be 100%, that scene was what sparked this whole fic. SO of course I had to leave it in <3
> 
> Also, I have the first several chapters already finished so I'll be posting them...whenever. I don't think I'll have a steady or consistent post schedule, but you'll get them all!


	3. Chapter Three

The first week of travel was largely uneventful. The mages were all used to at least a week of travel at a time, so they fell into an easy routine so quickly that Garrett commented on how well they worked together.

‘We’ve been doing this for a while,’ Bethany replied, secretly glowing at the praise. She supposed she would never outgrow trying to impress her big brother.

They kept off the roads, for the most part, figuring that a wanted revolutionary and eleven apostates, traveling with the Champion of Kirkwall, would be too good an opportunity to pass up for bandits and bounty hunters. Bethany’s apostates started flagging halfway through the second week. Bethany herself was starting to feel the wear of traveling for so long, but she didn’t say a word. She could, however, feel Garrett’s and Anders’s eyes on her, which only encouraged her to hold herself straighter and stronger, refusing to show any kind of weakness. On the fourth day of the second week, they set up their small camp for the night on the shore of a little lake. They had gotten rid of their tent the first week, as it was too cumbersome to allow for swift travel, so the mages had taken to heating up little pockets of air to keep the camp warm. It wasn’t ideal, but it was serviceable, and it kept them from freezing to death. Bethany offered to take first watch for the night, and she and Eleanor settled onto a log side-by-side, huddled together with a warming charm.

An hour into their four-hour watch, Bethany heard a muffled exclamation from where Garrett and Anders were sleeping, followed by several minutes of frantic but hushed conversation. Bethany glanced back into the camp, but could only make out their vague shapes in the dark. A few minutes passed, and then Garrett and Anders quietly approached the lookouts and offered to take over for Eleanor. She gave Bethany a quizzical look as she left, but Bethany could only shrug.

‘What’s this all about, then?’ Bethany asked once Eleanor had retreated back to the warm circle of mages.

‘Anders had a...a dream,’ Garrett said, the strain evident in his voice.

‘A dream?’ Bethany repeated with some alarm. She didn’t know much about Grey Wardens, but she did know that their dreams were usually bad signs, signs that meant Blight and death. She had already survived one Blight, she wasn’t sure she could survive another one. ‘Does this mean…?’

‘It’s not the Blight,’ Anders assured her, but his voice was also tense. ‘This is the kind of dream I was warned about when Elissa Cousland recruited me to the Wardens. This kind of dream is...it’s a sign of The Calling.’ Bethany didn’t know what that meant, but it was clear that it wasn’t good. ‘Every Warden hears the Calling at some point,’ Anders explained when he saw the blank look on her face. ‘Usually within ten years of their Joining. It means that...it means it’s time for them to go to the Deep Roads. It’s time for them to...to die.’ Garrett visibly flinched, and reached out to grab Anders’s hand and twine their fingers together. Bethany could only stare.

‘No.’ She finally said firmly. ‘No, this must be something else. You can’t be...it can’t….Just, no.’ Anders smiled slightly.

‘You Hawkes are all the same,’ he murmured, squeezing Garrett’s hand with a soft, sad smile. ‘I will admit, the dream did feel different. Maybe it’s Justice’s influence, but the dream felt...wrong. It was definitely a Calling dream, but I feel...I felt none of the compulsion that Warden Cousland said I would. Something was different.’

‘Maybe it was just a dream,’ Bethany ventured. ‘You had to have had bad dreams before, right? It was probably just a dream.’ She sounded unconvinced, even to her own ears.

‘I will try to find out precisely what’s happening, before I go and commend my body to the Deep Roads,’ he assured her with a chuckle. ‘I will try to enter the Fade, and see if the spirits know anything.’ Garrett looked as though he didn’t like the idea one bit, but Bethany nodded. She knew there was little threat to Anders in the Fade - not with Justice there.

‘I’ll finish your watch with you,’ Garrett said after a few moments of trouble silence. ‘Anders, get some sleep.’

‘I’ll keep watch with you,’ Anders countered. ‘Then Bethany can get some sleep.’

‘No, I’ll stay, it’s all right,’ Bethany interjected. ‘I don’t know that I’ll be able to sleep, anyways.’

‘And you think I will?’ Anders chuckled.

‘Fine,’ Garrett sighed, but he sounded more fond than exasperated. ‘We’ll all stay up and keep watch.’ Bethany and Anders exchanged a look, then Bethany shrugged, and they all three settled in to keep watch for another three hours together.

\-----

Anders never mentioned his nightmares again, but Bethany could tell they were bothering him still. He looked more drawn than usually during the day, and Bethany was sure that he never actually got any sleep. He was never a very garrulous man, but he was even quieter than usual during the rest of the journey, and he looked so pale that Bethany worried for his health. More than once over the next two weeks, Bethany caught Garrett casting him worried glances.

Despite this, he made time during their travels to teach Bethany and the other mages as many healing spells as he could. Some of the things he had mastered over the years were unteachable, as they were the result of being bonded with a spirit, but he taught them everything else that would help them along the way. Bethany already knew the most basic spells, since she had asked Anders to teach them to her years ago back in his Darktown clinic, but she had never had a chance to practice them much in the Circle - healing magic was punishable by being made Tranquil, since Spirit Healers were more susceptible to possession. She was pleased to see how much of the knowledge she still retained. Neris, a half-elf named Laurel, and a woman named Clarissa proved especially adept at knitting bones back together, as they discovered when Topher stepped into a badger hole and fractured his ankle. Eleanor, Arell, and a young elf named Theodas were the best at potions-making, and Topher and Rena both turned out to be excellent at dealing with minor ailments such as fevers and upset stomachs. Bethany learned as much of each specialty as she could, knowing that she would have to make herself useful, wherever it was they ended up.

By Bethany’s estimate, they were about ten days out from Haven when Anders had his worst dream yet. Bethany had once again taken first watch, with Garrett this time. Anders was dozing fitfully near the log they sat on, looking very troubled, even in sleep. Garrett was watching him anxiously, and Bethany was finding it hard to hold a conversation with her brother while he was so distracted. She was in the middle of telling him a rather innocuous story of one of the times she and the other apostates had moved through the Vimmarks when Anders sat bolt upright, wide-eyed, awake, and panting.

‘What is it?’ Garrett said immediately, jumping up and reaching reflexively for his daggers, as if he could physically fight whatever dream had so startled Anders. ‘What happened?’

‘Something terrible,’ Anders replied in a low voice, dropping his head into his hands. ‘Something...I’m not even sure. But something terrible has just happened. There was...an outcry in the Fade. Something has disturbed it. Something was not supposed to happen and it did. Something is...very wrong.’ As if to prove his point, there came a great rumbling  _ crack _ , and in the distance to the southeast a great rent opened up in the sky, lighting the night a sickly, terrifying green. The rest of the mages all came awake with shouts and cries, and Bethany, Garrett, and Anders all surged to their feet to stare up into the sky.

‘What in Andraste’s sweet name is that?’ Topher exclaimed. The sentiment was repeated in a murmur through the camp, and everyone turned to stare at Bethany, Garrett, and Anders.

‘I don’t know,’ Anders admitted, not taking his eyes away from the glowing green wound. The sky seemed to be swirling around it, almost pulsing with some kind of weird, otherworldly energy. ‘I think...it may have something to do with the Fade.’

‘The Fade?’ Eleanor repeated with a gasp, turning to stare back up at the sky.

‘Is this what you dreamt?’ Bethany asked, her voice a low murmur so the other mages wouldn’t hear her.

‘It must have been,’ Anders replied in kind. His face, pale anyways, looked positively ill in the green glow from the sky.

‘What do we do?’ Neris asked in a small voice, staring at Bethany expectantly. Bethany looked around and realized that all the mages were now staring at her, waiting for her to tell them what they were to do.

‘We keep going,’ she said firmly after a moment’s hesitation. She drew herself up taller and straighter. ‘I doubt any of us will be able to sleep, so we will travel through tonight. Whatever that thing is, it may not be harming us now but I don’t want to take any chances. The sooner we can get to safety the better.’ The mages all nodded, relieved to have a solid plan. Garrett nudged Bethany gently and nodded in approval.

It took them no time at all to break down their little camp, and they were ready to go within ten minutes. They all packed up their bedrolls, shouldered them, and trudged off once more, using the sickly green glow of the rift in the sky as their light.

\-----

Over the next nine days, their group traveled far more than they slept. None of the mages said anything aloud, but Bethany suspected that they, too, were having strange, disturbing dreams. Bethany’s own dreams were troubled, and she couldn’t help but remember all the times while she was in the Circle that the Templars had warned her what bad dreams could mean for a mage. She felt that these dreams had more to do with the rift in the sky than any real threat of possession, but nonetheless she got very little sleep.

They were one day’s travel away from Haven when Garrett and Anders announced that Bethany and the other mages would be going the rest of the way alone.

‘Excuse me, what?’ Bethany asked when her brother finished speaking. Her mages were staring in equal parts anger and confusion. ‘Where are you going? Why can’t it wait until we’re safe in Haven?’

‘I’m sorry, Bethany,’ Garrett said, and his solemn tone sent a finger of cold down her spine. ‘Anders feels that he has a lead on where that thing in the sky came from. We have a Warden friend who may be able to help us. You’re less than a day from Haven. Here.’ He tipped what looked like a smooth stick into Bethany’s hand. ‘Anders made this. It’ll point the way to Haven. Here, walk around, it’ll always point the right way.’ Bethany obliged and walked around in a circle. True to Garrett’s word, the stick continued to point in the same direction. ‘You should be there by late tonight.’ He lowered his voice. ‘I wish I could come with you,’ he said sincerely. ‘I really do.’

‘I know,’ Bethany sighed, closing her fist around the magical compass. She stood up on her tiptoes to wrap her arms around Garrett’s neck and hugged him tightly. ‘You be careful,’ she said, trying to sound stern. She kissed his cheek then pulled away and turned to give Anders an equally firm hug. ‘Take care of my brother, Anders. We all know you’re the responsible one in this relationship.’

‘I’ll do my best,’ he vowed with a tired smile, returning her hug. ‘Keeping your brother out of trouble is a full time job.’

‘I resent that,’ Garrett grumbled without malice. ‘I’ll write you,’ he promised. With a brief goodbye to the rest of the mages, Garrett and Anders turned back towards the southwest and left. Bethany sighed heavily and turned away, not wanting to watch them go.

‘Let’s go,’ she said, and opened her hand to look down at the compass. ‘We’re almost to Haven.’

\-----

Bethany wasn’t sure what kind of reception she had been expecting when they reached Haven, but she was sure it wasn’t the welcome committee headed by a Qunari that met them a ways outside the village gates, armed to the teeth but standing nonchalantly enough. Bethany held up her hand to bring the mages to a halt when they were a dozen feet away, then crossed the gap between them herself. She took several steadying breaths as she walked - this Qunari looked nothing like the ones who had set Kirkwall ablaze all those years ago, but she kept having flashbacks of blood and fire as she took in his hulking frame and impressive horns.

‘Hello,’ she began, looking up (and up and up) at the Qunari. ‘My name is Bethany Hawke. I was told that my friends and I could find safe harbor in Haven.’

‘Were you, then?’ the Qunari rumbled. ‘Who told you that?’

‘I have a friend in the village,’ she replied. ‘Varric Tethras. Perhaps you know him?’

‘Oh, we know Varric, all right,’ he chuckled, and Bethany noticed that his posture and that of the soldiers behind him relaxed ever so slightly. ‘Somehow it doesn’t surprise me that Varric is friends with a group of apostates.’ Bethany gave no outward indication of the surprise she felt at him pegging her group of mages as apostates right away. She supposed they weren’t exactly subtle. ‘I’m The Iron Bull.’ He stuck out his hand and Bethany shook it graciously, noticing how it seemed to swallow hers whole. ‘These are my Chargers, and we were sent out here to escort you to the Chantry.’ Bethany nodded and turned to indicate that her mages could follow her now.

The Iron Bull (the article seemed important to him) led them through the big wooden gates and into the small village, his Chargers forming a loose circle around them. Bethany tried to ignore how everyone in the village seemed to stop what they were doing and stare at them as they passed. He led them up a set of stone steps, then another, and was leading them past a group of tents to a third set when Bethany heard an exuberant voice she had been missing for three years.

‘Sunshine!’ Varric shouted, and Bethany whirled around in time to see him spring up from his spot on the ground by a fire and sprint over to her with a broad grin.

‘Varric!’ she called back, then stooped down for him to catch her in a bone-crushing hug. ‘Oh, I’ve missed you!’

‘Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes! Let’s have a look at you!’ She stood back up and gave him a little spin - something about the cheerful author always brought out something a little silly in her. ‘All grown up, then?’

‘Varric, I’m almost thirty,’ she laughed.

‘Well, you’ll always be that grubby, knobbly-kneed teenager to me, Sunshine,’ he chuckled, then guffawed when she punched him lightly in the shoulder.

‘I was never grubby,’ she protested good-naturedly. 

‘Sure, sure. Now where’s that brother of yours?’ Varric looked around at the group of mages, scanning for his best friend.

‘Oh,’ Bethany breathed, her face falling slightly. ‘I thought he may have sent word ahead. He had to...leave.’ Bethany trailed off, darting a glance at The Iron Bull, who seemed to be preoccupied talking to Theodas about potions-making, but Bethany had a feeling he was listening intently to their every word. ‘He headed southwest. I’m sure he’ll send word soon.’ Varric nodded, looking intensely disappointed for a moment, then he hitched a smile back on his face.

‘Well, at least I have the prettier Hawke here with me. C’mon, let’s head up to the Chantry. I didn’t exactly tell the Herald you’d be coming. Hence the armed escort.’ 

‘I did kind of think that we’d be more expected,’ Bethany admitted as the group turned and continued up to the Chantry.

‘Yeah, well. Better to ask forgiveness than permission, right?’ Varric chuckled and Bethany shook her head with a fond smile. They chatted as they made their way to the Chantry, and Varric caught her up on much of the goings-on in Kirkwall that Aveline hadn’t shared with her. For a moment Bethany could almost imagine that they were back in his rooms at the Hanged Man, listening to him spin his tales. 

The Chantry was larger than Bethany would have thought for a village of Haven’s size, and she stared up at it in awe as The Iron Bull took them through the doors, motioning for his Chargers to stay outside. He and Varric led the mages across the main hall to a door at the back. The door was closed, but Bethany could hear voices drifting vaguely through it.

‘This is where I leave you for now, Sunshine,’ Varric said, coming to a stop. ‘I don’t think their Lady Seeker would appreciate my presence very much in this case.’ He pulled her down for another hug. ‘Come find me when you’re done in there. I’ll take you to the tavern for a drink.’

‘I’ll take your mages to get some food and rest,’ The Iron Bull said as Varric left. Bethany shot him a sharp look. ‘You won’t all fit in the war room,’ he said with a grin, gesturing towards the door. ‘Besides, you might make our Commander nervous, coming in with a bunch of apostates.’ Eleanor and Bethany exchanged a look, and Eleanor nodded slightly.

‘We could use some rest,’ Arell spoke up gently. ‘We’ll be fine, Bethany.’ Bethany sighed, then nodded reluctantly. The Iron Bull knocked on the door firmly, and opened it when bid, gesturing for Bethany to go through.

‘Here’s the apostate,’ he said into the room. Bethany wasn’t sure she appreciated that particular introduction, but The Iron Bull was gone before she could give him a look, pulling the door shut behind her. Bethany took a deep breath and turned to look around the room fully. Bethany scanned the fairly small space, and her eyes caught on the last face on the right, one she would never forget. He looked older than the last time she’d seem him, with a new scar on one side of his mouth, but Bethany still knew him. She felt herself take two involuntary steps back, running into the door.

‘You!’ she gasped, staring at Knight-Captain Cullen, who, for his part, looked just as shocked as she felt. ‘What are you doing here?’ She felt a familiar rush of fear and anger at seeing the Templar who had taken her away from her family. She was supposed to have been leading her mages to a safe place, and yet here she had led them right into the arms of the order they had been trying so hard to escape.

‘You know Commander Cullen?’ a blonde elf to his right asked curiously, looking between Cullen and Bethany with some interest.

‘The Knight-Captain and I are acquainted,’ Bethany replied in a strained voice.

‘That’s not my title anymore,’ Cullen told her, a bit sharply. ‘I’ve retired from the Templar order. It’s Commander, now.’

‘Commander. They let you lead?’ Cullen met her eye with a frown.

‘It’s been a long time since Kirkwall, Lady Hawke,’ he said softly. He opened his mouth to say something else, but a woman with short black hair interrupted him.

‘Hawke?’ she demanded, stepping towards Bethany. ‘You are the Champion of Kirkwall’s sister?’ She had a heavy Nevarran accent, and she sounded angry.

‘Yes?’ Bethany replied in confusion, turning to the angry woman.

‘Is he here? How did you just happen to turn up in Haven, when I have been asking Varric to contact him for weeks?’ Bethany didn’t know who this woman was, but from her tone, she was sure that she didn’t want her knowing where Garrett was.

‘My brother contacted me about a potential safe place for me and my...companions,’ she replied carefully.

‘You and the apostates, you mean,’ Cullen spoke up. Bethany flinched slightly, but turned to face him again nonetheless.

‘Those mages are some of the only ones I was able to get out of the Gallows after your Knight-Commander lost her mind,’ she said coldly, and she took a sick sort of satisfaction in watching him wince. He looked away from her, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. 

‘Enough,’ a tall woman in a fine mail coat and a purple cowl said, stepping forward. ‘Tell us what you are doing here, Lady Hawke.’ Her accent was strange, some mix of Orlesian and Ferelden, but somehow familiar. It tugged at something in the very back of Bethany’s mind, but she couldn’t quite place it.

‘Leliana, please,’ the blonde elven woman interjected, laying her hand on the Orlesian’s arm. 

‘Leliana?’ Bethany asked, a memory surfacing. ‘Did you live in Lothering, before the Blight?’ Leliana inclined her head, a very small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.

‘I was not sure you would recognize me, Lady Hawke. It was a very long time ago, when we met. How is your family? I remember your mother as a delightful woman.’

‘They’re mostly gone,’ Bethany admitted. ‘Garrett and I are all that remain.’

‘This is a very touching reunion,’ Cullen interjected shortly, ‘but should we not get back to the matter at hand?’ Bethany rounded on him, a retort on her lips, when the blonde elf interrupted.

‘Lady Hawke,’ she said gently, holding a hand out to quell Cullen, ‘there had to have been a reason you traveled all the way here from Kirkwall. What are you hoping to find?’

‘Sanctuary, my lady,’ Bethany said simply, deliberately turning away from the Commander. ‘My brother told me of this place, told me that you had mages here who weren’t bound to a Circle. He arranged for my companions and I to travel here from the Free Marches.’

‘Where is your brother now?’ the angry Nevarran demanded.

‘Cassandra,’ the elf said with quiet disapproval. Cassandra inclined her head reluctantly and stepped back. Bethany observed the power dynamics with a measure of surprise. Although the Nevarran - Cassandra - was the most outspoken, and Leliana the most direct, this quiet blonde elf seemed to be in charge, at least to some degree. ‘Now, please, Lady Hawke. What could you bring to the Inquisition? As much as I would like to take you in on faith, we are a small organization and need all the help we can get. We cannot afford to take on extra mouths to feed with no return.’

‘Of course, my lady,’ Bethany agreed. ‘The other mages and I have been training as healers during our travels, and we are all proficient in certain areas. We have also learned how to survive in the wilderness over the last three years, and four of our number are especially good scouts.’

‘We could use more healers, my lady Herald.’ Bethany started - she hadn’t seen the other woman, who had been standing back slightly behind Leliana, holding a writing board. ‘There are very few of them in our numbers and I have a feeling we will need more before this is all over.’

‘Of course, Lady Montilyet.’ The blonde woman examined Bethany solemnly for a few moments, while Bethany held herself as tall and strong as possible, then she smiled. ‘My name is Ellana Lavellan,’ she said. ‘This is Seeker Cassandra Pentaghast, Leliana, our spymaster, whom you seem to already know, and Ambassador Josephine Montilyet. And of course you know Commander Cullen Rutherford. It seems like the Inquisition could use people of your skillset, Lady Hawke.’

‘Please, my lady, call me Bethany.’ Bethany nearly sagged back against the door with relief.

‘Then you must call me Ellana.’ Ellana glanced over at Cassandra. ‘Cassandra, will you take Lady Hawke-excuse me, Bethany, to tell the other mages that they may stay with us? I believe Bull took them to find something to eat.’

‘Of course, Herald.’ Cassandra motioned for Bethany to follow her out of the room, and Bethany obliged willingly, wanting to put some distance between herself and Commander Cullen. Her wish would go unanswered, however, as the man followed them out of the room.

‘Lady Hawke, if I may have a word?’ he asked, laying a hand on her elbow lightly. She jerked her arm out of his reach reflexively, and he stepped back. ‘I wished to...apologize...for what transpired. In our mutual past, I mean.’ He looked incredibly awkward, as if he wished to be anywhere but right there, but Bethany didn’t feel like giving him any kind of reprieve.

‘You mean, when you took me away from my family?’ she asked archly. ‘Or when you waited until it was too late to do anything about Knight-Commander Meredith? Or how you let dozens of mages be made Tranquil for-’

‘Yes,’ Cullen interrupted, and Bethany snapped her mouth shut so hard her teeth clacked together. She glared at the blonde man before her, who was looking equal parts enraged and ashamed. ‘Yes to all of that. I am...not proud...of the things that happened in Kirkwall. Or of the part I played in all of it. I feel like things could have been handled better.’

‘Yes,’ she agreed frigidly. ‘They could have.’ He winced, but Bethany turned around and motioned for Cassandra to lead the way before he could respond.

‘I did not realize how bad things had been in the Circle at Kirkwall,’ Cassandra said after a moment. ‘I had heard stories, of course. Everyone has. But I never realized….’ She trailed off, then brought the two of them to a halt. ‘I had been...questioning Varric Tethras. On the whereabouts of your brother, I mean. I didn’t realize...I had no idea, before, that his sister, that you, were in the Circle there. I didn’t realize how close he had been to the situation there.’

‘I think every one of us was close to the situation there,’ Bethany murmured, smiling a bit bitterly up at the taller woman. ‘But that was years ago.’

Cassandra seemed to sense Bethany’s closure of the subject, for she nodded once, then opened the door to the kitchens. Bethany’s mages were all seated around a large butcher-block table in the center of the room, eating bowls of what looked like thick meat and vegetable stew, laughing at something The Iron Bull had just said. Bethany hitched a smile in place, and went to tell her mages the good news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter starts on 7 Firstfall and ends on 9 Haring, 9:40, for those interested. The game itself doesn't go by dates, but I think it gives a good idea of how long things take, yes?


	4. Chapter Four

Bethany wasn’t able to find Varric until the next day, as she had been too exhausted after her meal - the first full, warm meal she’d had in she didn’t know how long - to do anything but fall, exhausted, onto her bunk in the room that had been designated for their temporary use. She was up bright and early the next morning, though, and set out immediately to find her friend, once she was sure that her mages were settled for the day. Most of them would be working with the apothecary and alchemist, while Rena, Topher, Laurel, and Neris would be training with Leliana’s scouts. Once that was sorted, Bethany made her way out of the Chantry and towards the group of tents and campfires she had seen Varric at the day before. He was there, thankfully, and he grinned warmly when he saw her approach.

‘Hey, Sunshine,’ he greeted her, patting the spot next to him on the log he was sitting on. ‘Join me. Be my distraction. I’m supposed to be finishing up this manuscript for my publisher.’ Bethany laughed.

‘Are you still writing that romance story, Varric?’ Bethany laughed, reaching out to grab the top page. Varric swatted her hand away with a good-natured chuckle.

‘No peeking,’ he scolded teasingly. ‘And yes, I am, but that’s not what this is. I’m writing about my time with the Inquisition. It’s going to be a hit.’

‘Like the one you wrote about Garrett?’

‘People loved it!’

‘There was so much embellishment you may as well have just written a completely original story!’

‘I took some artistic licence,’ he agreed amiably, and they both laughed. ‘Anyways. How are you settling in? How are your mages doing?’

‘Everyone has a place, at least for now. Ellana let us stay because they need healers and scouts. What’s happening, Varric?’ she asked seriously. ‘Garrett didn’t tell me what I was walking into, just that you had a safe place for us. What is the Inquisition?’

‘You know that big green glowy thing in the sky?’ Varric asked in lieu of an answer. Bethany glanced up at the sky - the rift was hard to miss. ‘That’s what they’re calling the Breach. It happened when the Conclave exploded.’

‘The what?’ 

Varric sighed. ‘Divine Justinia called a conclave to try and make peace between the mages and the Templars, but it all blew up. No one made it out alive except for Ellana. The Temple of Sacred Ashes was lost. That Breach is right over where it used to be.’ Bethany stared up at the Breach in awe. ‘Everyone is calling Ellana the Herald, sent by Andraste herself to heal the Breach.’ Varric sounded skeptical.

‘Andraste sent an elf?' Varric shrugged. 'Well...do they know how to...fix it?’ Bethany asked, turning her face back down to look at Varric.

‘Chuckles - I mean, Solas - says that the mages at Redcliffe can help us, and Commander Curly says the Templars can help us. Ellana’s heading to Val Royeaux tomorrow, actually, to talk with the Revered Mother and the Templars, and I’m going with her. Hopefully we’ll be back in two weeks, if everything goes well. The sooner we can get that thing taken care of, the better.’

‘Will the Inquisition disband after the Breach is closed?’

‘I don’t know, Sunshine,’ he admitted. ‘But we’ll find a safe place, whatever happens.’ He reached over and patted her arm. ‘Write to that brother of yours, let him know you’re safe. Tell him I’m mad at him.’ Bethany laughed and stood back up, patting Varric on the shoulder.

‘Of course, Varric,’ she agreed. ‘But first I’m going to go find the apothecary and see how the mages are doing.’

‘Here, I’ll show you. I wanted to stop by the tavern, anyways.’

‘Of course you did.’ 

‘I get some of my best material from taverns!’ They both laughed, and Varric walked her back in the direction of the Chantry, taking a back way Bethany hadn’t seen the day before. This led to a quieter path against the outer wall of the village, past a small tavern, and up a hill. A bald elf was sitting on a rickety wooden chair outside of a small hut, and he nodded solemnly at them as they passed. ‘That’s Solas,’ Varric informed her in an undertone. ‘He knows the most about this Fade magicky stuff.’

Varric took her to a medium-sized wooden building, leaving her there with a florid bow, and Bethany entered the dark little building alone.

Of the six mages who had gone to the apothecary that morning, only three of them were still in there. Bethany paused in the door to watch as Eleanor, Arell, and Theodas listened intently to a tall man with a full beard and a shaved head explain to them how to make an effective elfroot potion. Theodas happened to glance up and see Bethany standing in the doorway, and he motioned her over with a broad smile.

‘I just came to check in, I didn’t mean to intrude.’

‘It’s no intrusion,’ the tall man replied, casting her a crinkly-eyed smile. ‘Would you care to join the lesson?’

‘Oh, no thank you,’ Bethany declined. ‘I never was much good at potions. I’m better at the hands on healing.’

‘You’ll wish to speak to Mother Giselle, then,’ he replied. ‘That’s where your other mages have gone. She’s set up a sort of infirmary right across from the Chantry doors.’

‘Wonderful, thank you.’ She turned to go, and then turned back, remembering something. ‘I’m Bethany Hawke, by the way.’

‘Name’s Adan. Hope to work with you more, Bethany Hawke.’ Bethany nodded, then turned to leave again. 

She found her way back to the Chantry with little trouble, but trouble seemed to find her anyways when she got there. A small crowd had gathered outside the doors, seeming to surround two men who were clearly very angry. One man wore the unmistakable garb of a Circle mage, while the other wore slightly tarnished Templar armor. As Bethany watched from a slight distance, the Templar stepped up into the mage’s face, shaking a fist at him threateningly. Before Bethany could do anything to intervene, Cullen was there, stepping between the two men and holding out a hand to each of them. Bethany couldn’t tell what he said at first, but she edged forwards, and as she got closer she distinctly heard him say ‘We are not Templars anymore!’ The younger man clearly disagreed.

‘Knight-Captain-’ he started to protest.

‘That is  _ not  _ my title,’ Cullen reprimanded sharply, and the man backed down with a sullen look. A few quieter words that Bethany couldn’t make out, and the crowd dispersed, leaving Commander Cullen standing alone in front of the Chantry doors, looking very tired. Bethany watched for a moment as he reached up to run a hand through his hair and then rub the back of his neck as if he were in pain. He stretched his neck slightly and happened to catch sight of Bethany as he did so. He made as if to say something to her, but she frowned slightly and turned away from him to seek out Mother Giselle.

\-----

It was over a month before Ellana and her party returned. The citizens of Haven saw in the beginning of 9:41 with very little fanfare - no one was feeling particularly festive, and there weren’t enough extra provisions to have a proper First Day feast.

Varric sent a message with Ellana’s raven two weeks into their journey, explaining that they were heading to Redcliffe to speak with Grand Enchanter Fiona, who had some information on how the mages could help. It seemed that Cassandra thought it might be a trap, but Ellana wished to speak with them nonetheless. Bethany was pleased that Ellana seemed to be leaning far closer to asking the mages’ assistance than she did the Templars - Bethany would feel safer the fewer Templars there were in Haven. 

Ellana and her party rode in to Haven six weeks after they had departed, and Varric found Bethany immediately in her new habitual spot at the makeshift infirmary.

‘Well, Sunshine,’ he said in lieu of a greeting, as he flopped down onto an empty cot, ‘looks like you won’t have to worry about any more Templars here.’

‘Ellana’s going to ask the mages for help?’ Bethany asked hopefully, looking up from the pile of clean bandages she had been carefully folding.

‘Seems like it. The one in charge there - some Tevinter Magister called Alexius - wouldn’t speak to us yet, but Ruffles says she’s going to pull some strings so that he’ll  _ have  _ to talk to us. Shouldn’t take her more than a week or so. She’s good at what she does.’

It was another two weeks before anything came of that, and Bethany admitted that they were tense ones. The longer the Templars and mages remained in each others’ company, the higher their temperaments ran. Bethany emerged from the tent she shared with Eleanor and Neris - she and her mages had been shuffled out of their Chantry room just after Ellana had left for Val Royeaux - and made her way towards the infirmary where she had been spending her days.

Shortly after midday, a messenger caught up with Bethany and told her that Ellana wished to see her in the war room. She agreed immediately and followed the messenger into the Chantry and back to the room she had been taken to the night before. The same people were in there, and Leliana, Cassandra, and Lady Montilyet greeted her warmly enough. Bethany avoided the Commander’s eye.

‘Bethany, thank you for joining us,’ Ellana greeted her with a warm smile.

‘Of course, My La-Ellana.’ Bethany resisted the urge to dip a curtsy - Ellana didn’t seem like the sort of person who would appreciate that. ‘How may I help you?’ 

‘I suppose Varric has caught you up on what we’re doing here?’ Bethany nodded. ‘Good. Saves me some time. I will be heading back to Redcliffe tomorrow to speak with the Alexius and the mages, to hopefully recruit them to our cause. I would like to invite you to join us, if you wish.’ Bethany stared for a moment, unsure what she had just heard.

‘Join...you? Go with you to Redcliffe, you mean?’ Ellana nodded patiently. ‘Why would you want  _ me _ there?’

‘We’re hoping that the presence of another mage will put them at ease, make them more willing to trust us. Josephine thought that the presence of an outsider mage - an apostate, no less - who has joined us willingly might persuade them.’ Bethany thought for a moment.

‘Do I...am I being given this as an option?’ she asked carefully. Ellana gave her a quizzical look. ‘I don’t mean to offend, only I would prefer to stay here with my mages and make sure they are all settled in and safe. We’ve spent a long time together, without much outside influence, and I am a little...concerned, I suppose, about leaving them here alone with so many Templars.’

‘I assure you, Lady Hawke,’ Cullen interjected, ‘they would be quite safe here. The Templars would do nothing to harm them.’

‘The hostilities I’ve seen between the Templars and mages would say otherwise,’ Bethany retorted, and Cullen bowed his head slightly with a frown.

‘I admit that some of them still have their reservations,’ he gritted out. ‘But you are all perfectly safe here.’

‘All the same,’ Bethany said, turning back to Ellana, who had been watching the exchange with raised eyebrows, ‘I would prefer to stay here. If that’s all right.’

‘Of course, Bethany,’ Ellana assured her with an easy smile. ‘It was an offer, not a command. You may return to Mother Giselle, if you wish.’

‘Thank you, Ellana.’ Bethany gave a slight curtsy to the room in general and turned to leave.

‘It’s still not too late to speak with the Templars,’ Cullen said as Bethany left, and she was sure that he heard the derisive snort she couldn’t help but let out as she closed the door behind her. She went back to Mother Giselle, who had been observing her as she treated a minorly injured man who had gotten too close to a hot piece of iron at the forge. Mother Giselle had been very complimentary about Bethany’s abilities with healing spells, but the patient had been reluctant to let a mage help him. 

‘You will find, I’m afraid, that many people are suspicious and fearful of magic,’ Mother Giselle had explained gently as she laid her hand on the man’s forehead to calm him. ‘Even if it is meant to help.’

‘I know about that,’ Bethany had replied quietly, thinking back to her brother’s friend Fenris. Of all of Garrett’s friends, Fenris was the only one she hadn’t gotten along with. The fear and hatred she had seen in his eyes every time he looked at her would stay with her the rest of her life. It was the first time she had ever encountered that kind of hatred towards mages, and in the years following she’d come to realize just how privileged her upbringing had been, because it certainly hadn’t been the last.

Still, Bethany was pleased with the progress she had made in her healing abilities. In an organization like the Inquisition, where soldiers were training every day and everyone was in such close quarters, injuries were bound to happen, and she had new patients almost daily. 

On the third day after Ellana, Cassandra, and Varric had left for Redcliffe, there was an altercation between two Templars and a mage, which left the mage with a bloody lip and a fractured collarbone, and the Templars with nasty frostbite. The Templars had refused to let Bethany touch them, so Mother Giselle and one of the Sisters had tended to them while Bethany treated the rather minor injuries the mage had sustained. Bethany hadn’t had the opportunity to speak with many of the Inquisition mages, so she took the chance while she was administering aid. 

‘Has it always been like this?’ she asked as she gently dabbed the bloody lip clean, before moving on to the woman’s collarbone. ‘Since joining the Inquisition, I mean.’

‘It wasn’t at first,’ she responded, wincing as Bethany prodded as carefully as she could at her collarbone. ‘I think the Templars thought we were either only here temporarily, or that we were here under observation. Once the Herald made it clear that we were to be treated as equal parts of the Inquisition...well, you saw.’ Bethany nodded, bending her head over her charge to better focus on knitting the bones back together beneath the woman’s skin. It took a few minutes of work, but Bethany was rewarded with a sigh and a smile when the other mage’s collarbone was once again well and whole. ‘Thank you, my lady,’ she effused, standing up from the cot and moving her arms experimentally.

‘Please, call me Bethany.’

‘All right. Thank you, Bethany. My name is Ella.’ Bethany felt a pang in her chest at the name - Ella had been her closest friend in the Circle. She hadn’t made it out of Kirkwall, and Bethany had felt an intense surge of guilt every time she’d thought about her over the last three years.

‘Ella,’ she said softly. ‘It was lovely to meet you, Ella.’ The woman gave a slight wave and left back to the mages’ camp, leaving Bethany to turn back to her other charges.

\-----

Ellana returned eight days after they left, a large group of mages following behind her. The scene in Haven was similar to Bethany’s arrival, on a larger scale - everyone came out to line the lanes and stare as the mages went by, their faces a mixture of curiosity, fear, and anger. The mages seemed not to notice them as they shuffled up to the Chantry behind Ellana. Bethany was at the makeshift infirmary when they returned, and Ellana motioned for her to follow when she walked past. Bethany slipped in amongst the mages as they funnelled in through the Chantry doors, then broke off again and slipped into the war room behind Ellana. The rest of her party were already in there, as well as her advisors, so the small room was very crowded. Bethany slipped in and stood at the back near Varric, who gave her a quick wink.

‘As you can probably tell,’ Ellana said once Bethany had closed the door behind her, ‘our mission to get the mages to our side was a success.’

‘Of a sort,’ a dark-haired man, whom Bethany didn’t recognize, spoke up from where he was leaning indolently against a wooden column.

‘Well, yes,’ Ellana allowed. ‘There were some...complications, which I have already detailed in my report to Leliana. That aside, I believe we’re ready to attempt to close the Breach.’ There was a tense hush through the room at that announcement. 

‘Should we not...prepare the mages further?’ Cullen ventured finally, and Bethany couldn’t help but agree - silently, of course.

‘Solas has assured me that this isn’t really something we can prepare for,’ Ellana replied, looking trouble. ‘He will tell the mages what we need to do when we get there, but he says it’s not anything we can have them practice.’ She paused, then sighed slightly. ‘Bethany?’ she called to the back of the room. Bethany stepped forward as far as she could. ‘Would you and your mages be willing to accompany us? We could use all of the magical power we can muster.’

‘Of course,’ Bethany agreed immediately. ‘There are two of my mages who are still quite young, however. May I request that they stay here?’

‘Request granted,’ Ellana said with a slight smile. ‘We leave tomorrow morning. I would prefer to let the mages rest, but the sooner we get this taken care of, the better.’ Everyone in the room nodded in agreement, and Ellana looked relieved. ‘Bethany, please let your mages know what’s happening. Dorian and I will ready the rest.’ Bethany nodded again and slipped out of the war room to track down her mages.

Neris and Theodas were not pleased when they were told they would be staying behind.

‘You’re too young,’ Bethany explained patiently, for the third time.

‘We’re not!’ Theodas protested.

‘You’re still teenagers,’ Bethany countered. ‘This is going to be very dangerous, beyond anything you’ve had to face yet. I’m sorry, but that’s my final word on the subject.’ She forced herself to meet Neris’s disappointed gaze.

‘We’ll never learn if you try to keep us sheltered,’ Neris offered timidly.

‘We’ve faced some pretty terrible things!’ Theodas interjected. Bethany smiled to herself - his tenacity reminded her a lot of her twin brother, Carver. They had the same stubborn set to their jaw when they were told that they couldn’t do something.

‘We’ll be back within the day,’ Bethany said, trying to make it clear through her tone that the subject was closed. ‘We leave tomorrow morning. Everyone else, please be ready. Neris and Theodas, continue with your training while we’re gone.’ Theodas opened his mouth to protest again. ‘We should all get some sleep,’ Bethany said before he could say anything. Theodas closed his mouth, his look positively mutinous, but he nodded nonetheless. The mages all shuffled off into the tents they were sharing amongst themselves, and Eleanor laid a hand on Bethany’s arm as she passed. Bethany looked up to meet Eleanor’s sympathetic gaze.

‘You’re doing well, Bethany,’ the older woman said gently. ‘They may not seem very appreciative sometimes, but I don’t know where we would be without you.’

‘Thank you,’ Bethany whispered back, and laid her hand over Eleanor’s. Eleanor gave her arm a squeeze, then went to crawl into the tent she was sharing with Neris and Bethany. Bethany sat at the fire for a few more moments before standing up and venturing out to find Varric in the tavern, searching for a conversation that had nothing to do with magic or leadership or Breaches.


	5. Chapter Five

As promised, Ellana led the mages out of Haven and into the Frostbacks early the next morning, just before the sun was up. Bethany was pleased to see that Varric was joining them - she was sure he could make the journey much more pleasant. It would only take them a few hours to get there, since Haven had been founded as a place for pilgrims to the Temple of Sacred Ashes to stay. Still, it was rather rough going, since the snow in the Frostbacks was heavy, and there were so many of them traveling all together. Varric did his best to distract her, but Bethany couldn’t help but cast her eyes up to the Breach every few minutes, watching as it grew closer and closer. It loomed even more ominously the closer they got, seeming to swirl and pulse with Fade energy.

‘Ugly, isn’t it?’ Varric finally asked after two hours of trekking through the snow. Bethany glanced down at him, and he gestured up towards the Breach. ‘Noticed you noticing.’ Bethany smiled tightly.

‘I hope this works,’ she said in an undertone, not wanting any of her mages to hear her doubt.

‘It’ll work, Sunshine.’ He sounded so sure that Bethany actually believed him.

\-----

They reached the ruined Temple two hours later, and it was a sight Bethany would never forget. Nothing had been touched, apparently, since the Conclave had exploded nearly three months previous. Charred bodies littered the ground, some curled up in defensive positions, others with their arms still held out as if pleading with some unseen foe. Bethany tried to avert her gaze from the dozens of bodies, but they seemed to be everywhere she looked. She caught Varric’s eye and he nodded grimly.

‘We haven’t been able to put them to rest,’ he said seriously, looking down at a prone body he was passing. ‘It hasn’t been safe. Once we get this damned thing closed, they can work on cleaning up the Temple.’ Bethany nodded, her jaw set in determination. Ellana led the mages - there were close to 100 that Grand Enchanter Fiona had brought with her from Redcliffe, plus Bethany and the eight mages who had gone with her - through the still-gently-smoldering ruins.

The entire atmosphere of the place was...wrong. Even besides the bodies and the scorched ground, there was something off about the very air that Bethany couldn’t quite put her finger on. It had a different feel to it that made her skin crawl, and she found herself shivering in a way that had nothing to do with the cold.

They came around a bend into what remained of a stone hallway, and the acrid, metallic scent of raw lyrium hit Bethany in the face like a solid wall. The smell was familiar, but tainted, and so overwhelming that Bethany had to fight to keep from recoiling. Bethany saw why when they turned another corner into what must have been the heart of the temple. What was left of the walls were covered in red lyrium, growing out in huge chunks and spikes.

‘What is this?’ Bethany breathed, staring at the raw red lyrium with awe and horror. ‘Why is it doing that?’

‘It’s the Breach,’ a voice behind her replied, and Bethany looked back over her shoulder to see the dark-haired man from the war room drawing level with her. ‘The red lyrium reacts to the Fade, making the Veil thinner. They feed off each other.’ Bethany nodded and turned back to stare at the awful, beautiful crystalline lyrium. ‘I am Dorian Pavus,’ he introduced himself, reaching to shake Bethany’s hand. She obliged, and he kissed her knuckles lightly.

‘Bethany Hawke,’ she replied with a tight smile.

‘Hawke?’ he asked, arching an eyebrow and peering around Bethany at Varric. ‘Is this the Hawke you spoke of the whole way to Haven?’ Varric shook his head with a good-natured grumble when Bethany glanced down at him.

‘Don’t get cocky, Sunshine, I was talking about your brother.’ Bethany couldn’t help but chuckle.

Ellana was giving her orders, then. Most of the mages were to line up along what had been a balcony or walkway of some sort and around the perimeter of the leveled piece of charred earth that was the epicenter of the blast, above which the Breach pulsed sickly. Bethany and a dozen or so of the more senior mages stood a few feet behind Ellana, while Ellana, Varric, Dorian, and Cassandra would be directly under the Breach - Ellana to close it with the help of the mages’ magic, the rest of them to be ready in case any demons decided to take advantage of the weakened Veil.

While Ellana prepared herself, Solas, the elven mage Varric had pointed out to her so many weeks ago, walked among the mages, telling them what they must do to help seal the Breach.

‘Feel the Fade,’ he called. ‘Feel how it affects your magic.’ Bethany _had_ noticed that her magic felt different here. It felt almost tingly, as if lightning was skittering along her limbs just under her skin. ‘Now focus on the Herald. Focus on her and let her use your magic to amplify her will!’ The mages nodded in acquiescence, adjusting their grips on their staff. Bethany drew her attention inward, feeling her magic pulse and swirl in time with the Breach, then pulled her focus outward to where Ellana stood. She could feel the Breach stronger there, feel how the Veil was thin and broken, ragged on the edges, feel how demons waited restlessly just on the other side. It was the most powerful thing she had ever felt, and it scared her down to her toes.

They waited, tense and breathless, as Ellana readied herself, squaring her thin shoulders and planting her feet firmly, turning her face up towards the Breach. She nodded imperceptibly, and Solas signalled to the mages. As one, they lifted their staffs, then brought them down with a bang that reverberated through Bethany’s skull, loud enough to rattle her teeth. Cassandra and Varric made no indication that they had heard this, but all of the mages present winced sharply. It wasn’t in vain, however, as the mark on Ellana’s hand glowed brighter and seemed to pulse in time with the Breach. Ellana lifted her hand, and Bethany could _feel_ her grab the fabric of the Breach, wrapping fingers of magic around the fraying edges, and with one almighty tug, Ellana pulled at the edges and brought them together with a deafening _crack_.

The effect was immediate and physical - the Breach disappeared, but everyone was thrown backwards with the force of it, and Bethany landed on her back hard enough to knock the wind out of her. She lay there for a moment, struggling to catch her breath, the acrid scent of the Fade still lingering in her nose. As she lay there gasping, she felt a large, warm hand on her head, then Varric’s voice was in her ear and his other hand slipped under her back.

‘Easy there, Sunshine. Come on, up we get.’ Varric helped her up into a sitting position, then rubbed her back until she could breathe properly again.

‘Were you knocked down, too?’ she asked, her voice coming out in a gasp.

‘Nah, takes more than that to knock me down,’ he said with a grin. ‘I think it got you magicky folks the worst. But look! The Breach is closed.’ Bethany looked up at the sky to see that he was absolutely right - the angry green vortex was gone, and the sky was once again whole, if still a little stormy-looking. Bethany couldn’t help the grin that crept across her face - they had actually done it. She didn’t know what happened next, but she was sure that now that the Breach was closed things would be okay. Maybe Garrett and Anders would be able to join them. She didn’t realize how much the Breach had affected her until she noticed that her head felt clearer than it had in weeks, and the tingly sensation she had noticed upon entering the ruined Temple was gone. She looked back down at Varric and returned his triumphant grin.

‘We did it, Varric.’

‘Yeah we did. C’mon, Sunshine, let’s head home.

\-----

They returned to Haven that same day, just as the sun was sinking behind the Frostbacks, and the celebration was already in full swing. They could hear the music and laughter before they’d even crossed through the gates, and the din when everyone saw them returning was near deafening. For the first time, the mages were greeted with enthusiasm, and Bethany was clapped on the back and had her hand shaken multiple times as she was swept along with the crowd up towards the Chantry. The bulk of the festivities seemed to be focused in the clear ground in front of the Chantry doors, where Josephine, Leliana, and Cullen were waiting for them with matching broad smiles.

‘Congratulations, Herald,’ Josephine effused. She was practically bouncing on her feet, and Bethany almost didn’t recognize her without her customary writing board in hand.

‘Thank you, Herald,’ Cullen said next, bowing slightly at the waist. ‘You have done what no one else could, and have made us safe once more. We are forever in your debt.’

‘It wasn’t just me,’ Ellana said gently, smiling nonetheless. ‘I could not possibly have done it without the help of the mages.’

‘Of course,’ Cullen agreed. ‘Their contribution will not go unrecognized.’ He scanned the faces before him, his gaze catching on Bethany’s. He smiled slightly, the scar on his mouth tugging it off-center, and inclined his head. She nodded in return, too tired and triumphant to be angry, but too spiteful to smile.

‘Let’s worry about all that in the morning, though,’ Ellana was saying then. ‘For now, I think everyone deserves a celebration.’ This was greeted with loud, appreciative cheers, and everyone dispersed to join the festivities in progress. Bethany, Varric, and Dorian ended up around a fire with a stoic Grey Warden called Blackwall, who told surprisingly funny stories about his travels, once they got him to open up a little. Varric, of course, mainly told stories about Bethany’s brother.

‘And then with one mighty swing, he cleaved the dragon’s head clean off!’

‘That’s not how it happened,’ Bethany murmured.

‘Triumphant, Hawke picked up the dragon head, carried it all the way back to Kirkwall, and laid the Blighted thing right at Hubert’s feet.’

‘That definitely didn’t happen.’

‘’This dragon will no longer harm your workers,’ Hawke declared, voice ringing across the marketplace. ‘It’s safe for them to return to work. But I expect to hear that they are being treated better from now on.’ Hubert the slimy merchant hung his head in shame, and everyone present to hear this declaration of nobility cheered, for they knew that Hubert was unjust, and that Hawke was a champion for those downtrodden.’

‘Varric, none of that is true,’ Bethany pointed out, while Blackwall chuckled appreciatively and Dorian laughed openly. ‘I blinded the creature and Garrett stabbed it in the chest when it tripped over an overturned minecart. And he definitely didn’t take the head _all the way_ back to _Kirkwall_.’

‘But that’s not a good _story_ , Sunshine,’ Varric retorted out amiably, pointing a stubby finger at her. ‘It’s all in the spin of it. If I always told everyone what _really_ happened, I’d never sell any books!’ She laughed, unable to argue that point - most of the things she, her brother, and their friends had done had either been boring, illegal, or terrifying, Varric would have to do a lot of embellishing to get a publishable story.

‘Do you have any non-embellished stories then, Lady Hawke?’ Blackwall asked in his deep voice, taking a quaff from his tankard.

‘Please, call me Bethany. And I don’t know how many stories I have to tell,’ she admitted with a laugh, ‘most of them happened to my brother.’

‘How about some from before Kirkwall?’ he prompted warmly. ‘We all know stories of the Champion, what about when he was just your brother?’

‘I suppose there’s some of those that even Varric doesn’t know,’ she allowing, smiling. The dwarf gave a low grunt that could have been a laugh, but didn’t interrupt. ‘Garrett has always been the best older brother,’ she started fondly. ‘I was six when I first showed signs of having magic, like our father. I was playing with my friend, and our makeshift kite got stuck in a tree, and without even thinking I summoned up a little wind flurry and brought it back down. I guess my friend went home and told _her_ older brother about me, and a few days later he caught me when I was in the woods behind our home by myself, and he said he was going to turn me over to the Templars. He had grabbed my arm and was getting ready to drag me away when Garrett came up out of nowhere and punched the boy right in the nose! Garrett told the boy that if he ever came back or even looked at me again he’d pound his face in, and I never saw him again.’ This earned an appreciative laugh from everyone listening.

‘That sounds like the Hawke I know,’ Varric chuckled fondly. ‘Always willing to beat the shit out of someone for his baby sister.’

‘He even punched Carver, once,’ Bethany replied with a smile. ‘Carver was always a little troublemaker, and once when we were thirteen he went a full day where he would pull on my braids every time he passed me. Garrett said that if he caught him doing it again he’d box his ears, and you know how Garrett always keeps his promises. I don’t know that Carver ever touched my hair again at all, after that day.’

‘Is Carver your other brother?’ Blackwall asked curiously. ‘He hasn’t come up in any of Varric’s stories.’

‘Oh,’ Bethany said, working to keep her smile from slipping. ‘He is...he was my twin brother. He died on the way to Kirkwall, from Ferelden.’

‘Oh,’ Blackwall replied, his face falling almost comically. ‘I’m so sorry, My Lady Hawke, I did not….’ He trailed off, his face burning, and looked away bashfully.

‘It’s all right,’ she assured him, patting the older man’s knee. ‘That was years ago. And please, call me Bethany,’ she reminded him. He smiled up at her gratefully, face still flushed red.

This went on for what felt like hours, Bethany and Varric swapping stories about Bethany’s brother - Varric’s version always _highly_ exaggerated - with Dorian and Blackwall, and occasionally a wiry elf named Sera, as willing listeners. The celebrations were finally winding down close to midnight when Bethany stood up from the fire and stretched.

‘This has been delightful,’ she said, realizing just how tired she was as she did, ‘but I do think it’s time for me to retire for the night.’

‘It’s been a very long day,’ Dorian agreed. ‘Let me escort you to your tent, Bethany? It’s right in my path.’

‘Of course, thank you,’ she agreed quickly - she had grown fond of the Tevinter mage over the course of the night, and could see them becoming firm friends, given time.

The two of them were halfway back to the mages’ tents, making light smalltalk, when a shout was heard from the direction of the gates. The shout was soon picked up by more and more people throughout Haven. Dorian and Bethany stopped and turned back around, confused and tired and worried. At the sound of the alarm horn, they exchanged a look and then took off running towards the main gates. Bethany couldn’t help but think that this was all very inconvenient - she was tired, so tired, and all she wanted to do was sleep.

They reached the gates within minutes to find Ellana and her advisors already there.

‘Scouts reported troops moving in the mountains towards Haven,’ Cullen was saying when Bethany and Dorian reached them. ‘They’ve just come in to view, moving quickly, they will be here far too soon. One massive force.’

‘Under which banner are they marching?’ Josephine asked urgently.

‘None,’ Cullen said, sounding very trouble.

‘None?’ Josephine gasped.

‘What does this mean?’ Bethany asked. Cullen turned to face her, looking incredibly weary.

‘It means,’ he sighed, ‘that our day isn’t over yet.’


	6. Chapter Six

‘Bethany, Dorian, ready the mages and bring them to the gates,’ Cullen barked. ‘Cassandra, with me - we’ll gather the troops.’ Bethany and Dorian nodded in unison and turned to sprint back into Haven, telling every mage they passed to go to the gates immediately. They separated at the Chantry, Dorian in search of more of Fiona’s mages, Bethany in search of her own. She found them in their little camp, just behind the apothecary, emerging from the tents looking confused and sleepy.

‘What’s happening?’ Eleanor asked, the most alert of all of them.

‘An army is approaching,’ Bethany explained. ‘We’re needed at the gate. Theodas and Neris, go with Eleanor and Gregory to help get people into the Chantry. Everyone else, with me.’ They nodded with no arguments, and Bethany whirled back around and led them back to the gates, where Cullen and Cassandra had gathered the troops. The gates were open now, and a stranger young man with a giant hat was speaking to Ellana. He said something, and Cullen advanced on him, looking angry.

‘Templars!’ Cullen exclaimed, his voice rising above the din. ‘This is how the order reacts to our talks with the mages? Attacking blindly?’

‘The red Templars went to the Elder One,’ the stranger responded. ‘You took his mages. He’s very angry.’ Bethany turned to look back over the mountains, which appeared to be crawling with Templars. On a ridge on the south shore of the little lake stood two figures, one far too large and strangely proportioned to be entirely human. Bethany could just make out the other man’s face, and he looked strangely familiar.

‘Samson,’ Cullen breathed, also staring at the two figures. Bethany looked back over her shoulder at him, her eyebrows raised.

‘Samson? The former Templar?’ She and Garrett had run into Samson in Kirkwall a few times; he had been making a rough sort of living helping mages to flee Kirkwall. How had he ended up with this Elder One?

‘You know him?’ Cullen asked, sounding surprised.

‘Garrett and I have dealt with him before,’ she replied, rather evasively. ‘But I don’t understand what he’s doing here.’

‘I don’t either,’ Cullen responded, looking troubled for a mere moment before putting his Commander face back on. ‘We need to hit this force with everything we’ve got,’ he said, raising his voice to be heard among the gathering group of soldiers and mages. ‘Haven is not a fortress, the only chance we have is to wipe them out before they get here. Mages, help the Herald defend the trebuchets, soldiers, I want you down by the shore to head off those crossing the lake, and covering both paths. We must stop them before they get to the village, it’s the only way.’ Bethany and Dorian exchanged glances, then nodded firmly in unspoken agreement. They each took a group of mages and Bethany led hers to the trebuchet just to the north, past the blacksmith. Some of Cullen’s soldiers were already there, desperately trying to fix something that had malfunctioned, while a group of Templars rapidly approached from the frozen lake. Bethany shot a blast of lightning into the middle of the approaching Templars, and the ones that weren’t immediately charred fell back with a shout - clearly they hadn’t been expecting opposition of that kind.

Bethany and her group of mages warded off Templars - who just seemed to keep coming and coming, as if they were merely being spawned out of nowhere - for what felt like hours, until the soldiers gave the signal that the trebuchet was ready. They fired once, and were readying it to fire again, when Bethany heard a roar from her left, and turned to see some kind of horrible red lyrium abomination barrel its way through the group of soldiers who had been blocking the paths and the lake. 

Bethany immediately turned her attack to the monster, who bellowed when she shot a fireball at it but otherwise seemed unscathed. With one sweep, it took out four mages, one of whom crashed against a rock with a sick crunch and fell to the ground, absolutely still. Bethany had a horrible flashback to over ten years prior, to seeing her twin brother go down in a similar fashion. She let out a shout and slammed her staff on the ground, sending a bolt of electricity through the ground and directly up into the monster’s body. It let out an inhuman wail and fell to one knee, struggling to get back up. The mages used its moment of vulnerability to attack, and the beast was finally down. 

There was no time to celebrate, however, as the Templars did not let up on their attack. Bethany could see two more of the giant red lyrium monsters approaching the lakeshore, and she was just turning to renew her attack when a horrible, high-pitched bellow echoed across the valley behind her. She whirled around, staff at the ready, only to feel her grip slacken and her jaw fall open when she saw what had caused the cacophony.

It was a dragon. She had seen one before, in the Bone Pit, but this one made that one look like a tiny dragonling. It was huge and terrible, kind of reddish-purple like a giant bruise, and looked almost malformed somehow. This was not a normal dragon - some evil magic seemed to fuel this creature. There was a terrible moment of silence as everyone seemed to take in the dragon at once, then the screams broke out, from inside Haven and out.

‘Back to Haven!’ Bethany shouted. ‘Fall back to the gates! We must get to the Chantry!’ Mages and soldiers alike reacted instantly, obeying without a single complaint. Cullen was waiting at the gates, holding them open and ushering people through urgently.

‘Inside, quickly! Bethany, quickly, get inside! To the Chantry!’ She nodded as she sprinted past, and Cullen slammed the gates behind them - they must have been the last ones through. She, the mages, and Cullen ran through Haven as fast as they could, making it to the Chantry and slamming the doors just as the dragon let out another terrible bellow. Bethany stopped next to a pillar and doubled over, breathing hard. She noticed that many of the other mages had done the same, and some were collapsed on the floor, thoroughly exhausted.

‘Is there a way out of here?’ Ellana was demanding. ‘This isn’t safe, we’ve merely made it easier for him to kill us all at once!’

‘Yes,’ the strange boy from earlier said. He was with the odious Chancellor Roderick, who was slumped in a chair, looking as if he were struggling for breath. ‘There is a way out. He knows it. He wants to tell you, before he dies.’

‘Yes,’ Roderick gasped, clutching his stomach. Bethany could see now that there was blood seeping out between his fingers. ‘She must have showed me...there is a way. A path...few know it now. I suppose I’m the only one. You can lead them to safety.’

‘Can we keep that thing distracted long enough for us to get out?’ Ellana asked.

‘One more avalanche would keep him at bay,’ Cullen said, sounding doubtful. ‘I don’t...I don’t know how else to stop a dragon.’

‘I will distract him,’ Ellana replied firmly, turning towards the door. ‘Get them out, Cullen. Make sure they survive.’

‘And what of your survival?’ he asked even as he was ushering people up to follow Cole and Roderick. Ellana hesitated, saying nothing, and Bethany felt a sinking in her gut.

‘You’ll make it, Ellana,’ she whispered, pushing off from the column to lay a hand on the elf’s arm. ‘If anyone can make it, it’s you.’ Ellana smiled tightly and laid her hand over Bethany’s briefly before nodding and turning to stride towards the door.

‘Let that thing hear you,’ Cullen called after her. She nodded, tugged open one of the great doors, and was gone. Varric appeared at Bethany’s elbow then, and gave it a slight tug.

‘C’mon, Sunshine,’ he said softly. ‘Let’s get everyone out of here.’ Bethany nodded mutely, then turned to join the queue funneling down to the lower levels.

\-----

Roderick led them down two levels, then through an inconspicuous wooden door that put them out into a long tunnel that stretched out as far as Bethany could see. It was lined with stone, and wide enough to walk four across, which was a relief, since Roderick and several other wounded had to be carried, and they had been able to gather a few camp supplies which were on large sleds. Bethany didn’t know where any of her mages were - there were many casualties from Haven, but there were still enough people to make finding individuals difficult, especially in the half-dark of the tunnel. They had just gone through the door when a great  _ boom _ shook the tunnel, and several people cried out in fear, but the tunnel held. 

Ellana had gotten them out.

They walked through the tunnel for perhaps an hour until they came to another wooden door, and this one opened up into the Frostbacks on the other side of Haven. The snow was falling thick and fast, but a faint depression could be made out where a path must have been, leading out into a shallow tree-lined valley. There was no place to go but forward, so forward they went, through the deepening snow, towards what they could only hope was safety.

They all felt Ellana’s absence keenly. Cullen was a capable Commander, and he, Leliana, Josephine, and Cassandra made an excellent team, but there was something about the small elf woman that instilled a quiet confidence that everyone missed.

They stopped just before dawn to rest, when Cullen decided they were far enough away that there was no chance the Elder One and his dragon would find them. He probably thought them all dead, anyways, and wouldn’t come after them. They could hope, anyways.

Once they had set up camp as best as they could with only a few tents and very few provisions, Bethany was finally able to take stock of their situation and gather her mages together. The news was not good. They had lost Arell to a red Templar when she had been defending the trebuchet. As her mages slowly found her, Theodas approached her, head hung low.

‘I’m sorry, Bethany,’ the boy said, sounding close to tears. ‘I’m so sorry, I...we-we went back to the apothecary to try and gather supplies….’ Bethany felt a knot of dread twist in her stomach, and she focused intently on Theodas, not wanting to look up yet and see who was missing. ‘The dragon...it blasted the building. Gregory and Neris were trapped inside...Eleanor went back in to try and save them...I’m so sorry there was nothing I could do, I’m so sorry Bethany.’ The poor boy was crying in earnest now, and Bethany felt her legs give out. She sank to the ground, staring up at him in disbelief. Eleanor and Gregory had been invaluable the last three years, they were so strong and capable, Bethany didn’t know what she would do without them. 

And Neris...little Neris was barely 14, still a child. Bethany remembered when Neris’s mother had brought her to the Circle, just seven years old. Bethany had promised to protect her, and now she was gone. Theodas tried to apologize again, but Bethany reached up and grabbed his hand.

‘It’s okay,’ she murmured, feeling as if she were watching herself console him. ‘Shh, now, there’s nothing you could have done.’ She dragged him down to the ground with her and wrapped him in her arms, and he hugged her back tightly. ‘I’m just glad you’re safe. The rest of us are still here, and we’ll manage as best as we can.’ 

Varric found them like that, Bethany and Theodas sat on the ground, the five other remaining mages standing around them in a loose circle, heads hung low. Bethany filled him in quietly, rocking Theodas gently as he sniffled himself to a fitful sleep.

‘You should get some sleep, Sunshine,’ Varric said in an undertone, laying a hand on her shoulder. ‘Commander Curly wants to see you in the morning.’ Bethany nodded wearily, knowing that she probably wouldn’t get much sleep at all. Varric seemed to realize this, and settled down on the ground next to her with a grunt. The other mages retreated a short distance, staying within the circle of dry ground they had created. Dry patches like theirs surrounded them, taking up a good portion of the valley floor. The snow muffled any sounds, but Bethany could see people still moving around the little fires the mages had been able to create.

Bethany had been through a lot in her young life. She had seen most of her family die, she had been subjected to the horrors of the Kirkwall Circle, and she had spent three years on the run with no contact from her brother or friends. But here, in the middle of the Frostbacks with nothing in sight but mountains, trees, and snow, with very few provisions, she felt truly hopeless for probably the first time.

‘What will happen to us, Varric?’ she asked quietly, stroking Theodas’s hair as he slept fitfully in her arms.

‘I don’t know, Sunshine,’ he admitted heavily. ‘This is one scenario I wasn’t prepared for.’

‘We’ll make it, though, right?’ She felt so very small. All she wanted was some reassurance. She wanted her brother there. She wanted her mother. She would even give anything to be back in Gamlen’s flea-ridden home in Lowtown. Anything to be out of this.

Varric was quiet for a long time - so long that Bethany started to think he wasn’t going to answer. She felt herself drifting off, and was just about asleep when she felt Varric’s warm hand on her arm. ‘I don’t know,’ he said again, his voice soft, ‘but if anyone can make it out of this shitshow, it’s us.’


	7. Chapter Seven

Bethany woke two short hours later, cold, confused, and sore. Theodas was still curled up in her arms, and Varric was still sitting next to her, dozing. She roused Theodas gently, and he went to curl up in the little pile of mages just behind them, huddled together for warmth. She stood up and stretched, feeling all of her joints and her spine crackle from the odd sleeping position and from the cold. Varric woke up when she stood, and stood up with her, gesturing towards the front of their makeshift caravan to where Cullen and the rest of the stand-in leaders were gathered. She made her way slowly through their little camp, not wanting to disturb anyone.

‘Lady Hawke,’ Cullen greeted her once she had reached them. ‘Thank you for joining us.’ Bethany inclined her head slightly. ‘We have decided that all we can do is to keep moving forward,’ he informed her. ‘Leliana has sent scouts ahead, and they will report back on whether or not there are any decent places to set up a temporary camp until we have a more permanent plan. We don’t want to go too far just yet in case the Herald...just in case she can catch up with us.’ Bethany saw his expression fall ever so slightly, before he hitched his confident Commander face back up.

‘She will find us,’ Josephine said confidently. ‘She is smart and resourceful, she will find a way.’ Cullen nodded, but Bethany noticed that his face mirrored the doubt that she felt.

‘I asked you here, Lady Hawke, to request that you take charge of the healers. Mother Giselle has spoken very highly of your abilities, and has expressed in no uncertain terms that she is not here for physical healing, but for spiritual healing.’ Bethany blinked in surprise, but Cullen carried on before she could say anything. ‘We have a number of wounded who need to be seen to, and I imagine that Ellana will benefit from your skills once she has caught up with us. There are a number of healers, but none so skilled as you.’ Bethany wondered where this praise was coming from - she wasn’t aware that he had ever observed her healing abilities. But she wasn’t about to argue the point - they needed an organized group of healers, and she had gotten good at leading the last few years. She nodded.

‘It would be an honor,’ she said. Cullen looked at her skeptically for a moment, unused to her agreeing with him without any argument. ‘We need healers,’ she said. ‘It would go against everything I believed to deny people aid just because I have personal issue with the one who asked it of me.’ Cullen’s mouth quirked up into a slight smile, and he nodded in return. 

‘Thank you, Lady Hawke.’ She nodded once more and turned to leave, when Cullen called her back. ‘How did your mages fare?’ He asked, sounding genuinely concerned. Bethany felt her face fall.

‘I lost four,’ she said softly. Josephine made a low sound, and Cullen’s gaze turned mournful.

‘I am sorry,’ he replied, his voice equally low. 

‘Thank you,’ she whispered, then turned back to find where the wounded were being treated.

\-----

That first day, Bethany was able to get one man back on his feet, and three more were looking promising. There were still two dozen or so who would need more time, and Bethany and the rest of the healers - including her mages, since even those with the most prejudice were beyond refusing help - worked tirelessly to make them comfortable enough to travel.

Leliana’s scouts returned around midday and reported that there was a relatively flat, sheltered area less than three hours walk ahead of them, and Cullen issued the command to pack up and move out. Bethany and her healers watched closely as the injured who weren’t able to walk were loaded into makeshift stretchers or picked up by the stronger Haven survivors. 

It was slow going, with the snow and the wind and the need to keep the wounded as stable as possible. What should have been about three hours turned into five, and it was nearing dark by the time they reached the place Leliana’s scouts had found. Luckily a handful of them had stayed there to set up as best as they could, and a few fires had been started and the ground cleared of snow, ready for Haven’s refugees. Once they stopped, Cullen and his soldiers set about erecting the few tents that had been taken out of Haven. One of the larger tents and one of the smaller tents were set aside for a makeshift infirmary, and Bethany gathered together all of the medical supplies that had made it out. 

She took stock of their situation, and it wasn’t nearly as dire as she had initially feared, but it was still not ideal. There were 27 people who needed immediate medical attention, not to mention the ones who were injured but well enough to walk. Most of the wounds seemed to be burns and wooden shrapnel, with a few sword slashes. The most severely injured were put into the bigger tent, where there would be more room for Bethany and the more experienced healers to tend to them. The less dire cases were put in the smaller tent, to be treated by the less experienced, mostly Chantry sisters.

Bethany noticed as she treated her patients that none of the former prejudice against mages seemed to be in evidence. She wondered if this was merely because the injured - which included some of the former Templars - realized that they were in no position to be picky about who healed them, or if the mages’ help closing the Breach and afterwards in defending Haven had somehow redeemed them. Either way, Bethany worked unimpeded.

It was two hours before she was able to make sure that the last critical patient was stable and sleeping. She put three of her other healers - Clarissa, an elven mage named Sorion who had joined them with Fiona, and a Chantry sister named Lisbeth - in charge while she slipped out to check in on the patients in the smaller tent. It was full dark by that time, and Bethany could see a dozen or so fires dotted around their little valley camp. She would have to ask Cullen later how many people had made it out of Haven - it didn’t look like nearly enough.

Everything in the smaller tent was looking positive. Bethany allowed two more people to leave, asking that they spread the word that anyone who needed medical attention could come to the makeshift infirmary and receive aid. Only a few more people showed up, for which Bethany was grateful - over the last two nights she had gotten a combined total of maybe six hours of sleep, and as the adrenaline wore off she was definitely beginning to feel it. She straightened up from where she had been kneeling on the ground to check a patient’s temperature, and stretched to crack her back. Turning, she saw Varric leaning against the tent pole, watching her work.

‘I think you need a break, Sunshine,’ he said quietly with a smile. She glanced around the tent to see if anyone needed anything, but the other three healers seemed to have everything well in hand, so she nodded and followed Varric out of the tent. ‘You’ll work yourself to death,’ he chuckled once they were out in the open air.

‘People need help, Varric,’ she responded, smiling gently.

‘And you wouldn’t be you if you didn’t give as much as you could.’ Varric sounded inordinately proud of her, and if she wasn’t so bone-tired she would have been beaming. ‘I also know that you won’t be able to sleep, so I’ve saved us some food and a spot by the fire so you’ll at least sit down for a few minutes.’

‘You know me so well, Varric,’ she sighed happily as they sank down by the warm crackling fire near the medical tents.

‘I know that you spent far too much time with Blondie in Kirkwall,’ he chuckled. He passed her a bowl of thick beef stew and a chunk of almost-stale bread, which she set in to with gusto, not realizing how hungry she was until she was eating. ‘Have you heard from them since they left?’ he asked after allowing her a few moments to eat.

‘No,’ she replied with a heavy sigh. ‘I expect they’re...too busy.’ Varric nodded. The alternative was that Anders and Garrett were in danger, and that was a possibility that neither of them wanted to contemplate. ‘He’ll write soon, I hope. He promised he would.’ Varric patted her arm, and they lapsed into a companionable silence, both of them too tired to try and hold a conversation.

‘You really should get some sleep, Sunshine.’ Varric’s rumbling voice startled her, and she realized that she had been nodding off, her spoon poised over her bowl, ready to take a bite of stew. ‘You’ll be a lot more useful well-rested than if you’re nodding off when you’re doing stitches.’

‘I don’t do stitches,’ she mumbled a little bit deliriously. Varric chuckled and reached over to gently take her bowl from her before it could slip out of her hands.

‘Well whatever it is you do with your magical healing shit, you’ll do it a lot better once you’ve had some sleep.’ Bethany had to admit that he had a point, but she forced her eyes open anyways.

‘I just need to check on my patients one more time.’ She made to get up, but Varric grabbed her arm.

‘Sunshine,’ he said firmly, tugging her back down to sit beside him. ‘I know you’re worried. We all are. But working yourself to the point of exhaustion isn’t going to solve anything. We’ll find someplace safe. The Herald will make it back to us. Hawke will write. And if I have to write back to him and tell him that his little sister worked herself to death, you know damn well he will find me from wherever he is and strangle me. And neither of us want that.’ Bethany laughed, which was what Varric was aiming for. ‘Now, if nothing else, at least lay down right here by the fire and get a couple hours in. You’re right near the medical tents so if they need you, you can get there quickly. I’ve had more sleep than you so I’ll stay up for a while and make sure everything’s okay.’ Bethany hesitated, but Varric stood firm, so she sighed heavily and slid down to lay on the ground, too tired to go anywhere else. Varric reached behind him and grabbed a pack and a cloak that he had clearly had ready, and slipped the pack under her head and covered her with the cloak. 

‘Promise you’ll wake me if anything interesting happens?’ Bethany murmured, already half asleep.

‘I promise, Sunshine,’ he chuckled. He rested a hand briefly on her head, and smiled when her deep, even breathing indicated that she had slipped off to sleep. He settled deeper into the cloak around his own shoulders and looked into the fire, ready to spend the night watching over his best friend’s sister, just as he had promised.

\-----

Bethany slept right through until dawn, when Varric gently shook her awake.

‘Sunshine,’ he whispered, his hand on her shoulder. ‘Sunshine, wake up. She’s back. The Herald’s found us.’ Bethany sat up groggily, rubbing her eyes. 

‘What’s happening?’ she asked sleepily, her mind slowly catching up with her body. ‘Ellana’s back?’

‘She’s back, Sunshine.’ Varric sounded almost giddy, something Bethany had never heard before. ‘Curly and the Seeker found her just an hour ago, in the snow just beyond our camp. She’s half-frozen but she’s asking for you. She needs a healer.’ Bethany came fully awake then, and scrambled up, gesturing for Varric to lead the way. 

It wasn’t hard to find where Ellana was - the area around her tent was crowded with people, all jostling to get a glimpse of their Herald, miraculously saved from death by Andraste once again to lead them to safety. Bethany and Varric pushed their way through the crowds, making it to the front with some difficulty, where Bethany scratched gently on the canvas of the tent door. She enter when bid, and was greeted with the sight of Ellana laying on a cot, covered in blankets, sleeping fitfully.

‘Lady Hawke, thank the Maker you’re here,’ Cullen greeted her, looking sick with relief. ‘We found her nearly frozen in the snow over the ridge behind us. We think she has frostbite.’

‘Did you get her out of her wet clothes?’ Bethany asked immediately, crossing the small tent. Cullen made a strangled noise and Bethany shot him an exasperated look - this was no time for modesty.

‘I did,’ Cassandra interjected from her spot by the tent opening. ‘I have gotten her down to her smallclothes and covered her as best as I could.’

‘Good, good,’ Bethany nodded. ‘I need to uncover her,’ she said to the tent in general. ‘Please, for her modesty, may I have the tent?’ Cullen agreed immediately and left. Cassandra and Leliana hesitated, but left after a moment, leaving just Bethany and Josephine.

‘You can heal her, can you not?’ Josephine asked quietly, looking at Ellana’s still form with worry.

‘I will try my best,’ Bethany vowed, and Josephine nodded before following everyone else out of the tent. Bethany took a deep breath, then peeled the layers back. Thankfully, it wasn’t as bad as Bethany had anticipated. The frostbite hadn’t set in fully, and there would be no permanent damage to Ellana’s person. The skin on her hands and face were red with wind and cold, and the state of her toes was a little concerning, but she wouldn’t be losing any of her appendages, and that was the most important thing. Ideally, Ellana would have been submerged in a warm bath, but since that wasn’t really an option, Bethany would make due with her magic.

She started at Ellana’s feet, holding the frigid toes between her hands and sending pulses of warm energy into them until, gradually, they started to feel like human flesh again. This done, Bethany ran her hands up Ellana’s legs, concentrating to keep a constant, steady warmth around her hands so as to not shock Ellana’s system. As Bethany got to Ellana’s stomach, Ellana started to stir slightly, murmuring something in her sleep. Bethany took this as a good sign, and continued her ministrations. There were minor cuts and scrapes along Ellana’s limbs that Bethany would have to get to later, once Ellana was sufficiently warmed. Bethany moved to Ellana’s left arm and down to the hand, where she was able to examine the green mark - the Anchor, she’d heard it called - for the first time.

The thing seemed to pulse, just as the Breach had. She supposed it must be made of the same stuff. It looked almost like a wound, and Bethany wondered if it hurt at all.

‘It doesn’t bother me much, anymore.’ Ellana’s voice, croaky and raw, startled Bethany, and she looked up from Ellana’s hand guiltily. Ellana smiled at her. ‘It’s okay,’ Ellana said before Bethany could apologize. ‘It’s a curious thing. I still don’t quite understand it myself. But it doesn’t bother me.’

‘I’m glad,’ Bethany murmured, squeezing Ellana’s hand briefly before moving on to her right arm. ‘How are you feeling?’ she asked. 

‘Cold,’ Ellana replied, smiling.

‘That’s good,’ Bethany chuckled. ‘It means you can feel your extremities and nothing’s about to fall off.’

‘Well that’s good news,’ Ellana said dryly, and they laughed together. Bethany laid her hands on either side of Ellana’s face and closed her eyes. She focused on a warm, soft light, feeling it heat Ellana’s face gently, until the elf let out a contented sigh. ‘That feels wonderful, thank you Bethany.’ Bethany smoothed Ellana’s hair back from her face, then stood up and stretched, feeling drained. She could really use a lyrium potion at the moment, but not having one to hand she would just have to wait for a few moments before finishing. She told Ellana as such, and the other woman smiled kindly and gestured for her to sit in the chair positioned near the head of her cot. ‘I’m already feeling so much better, you could probably just leave the rest up to nature.’

‘I could,’ Bethany agreed, settling into the chair, ‘but I want to make sure that everything I’ve done has helped the way I want it to. Plus you have some minor injuries to your arms and legs that I want to look at.’ 

‘Well, rest for a bit, at least. You look like you could use it, and Creators know that I could.’ The combination of the warm tent - Bethany was sure there were heating runes hidden somewhere - and her exhaustion both magical and physical meant that Bethany was passed out within five minutes of sitting down.

When she awoke, she felt far better rested than she had in almost a week. She didn’t know how long she had slept, but it appeared to be nearly dark, so it had to have been at least eight hours. She felt a spike of panic, until she looked at Ellana’s cot and saw that the elf was sleeping soundly. She unfolded from the chair to kneel by Ellana’s side, resting her hand on the other woman’s head. She felt a little warm, but not alarmingly so, and when Bethany pulled back the blankets her extremities seemed to be their normal color.

Bethany made quick work of the scratches and cuts on Ellana’s arms and legs, and she looked good as new by the time she was done. Putting the blankets back in place, Bethany patted Ellana’s hand, and turned to leave the tent. Outside, the little camp was relatively quiet. Bethany blinked a few times to adjust her eyes to how much darker it was outside than in the tent, but when she could see again she saw that Cullen, Cassandra, Leliana, and Josephine were all gathered around a rough, makeshift table, looking down at a map that had been conjured up from somewhere. Bethany smoothed her robes and went to update them on Ellana’s health.

They stopped what they were doing when they saw her coming, and looked at her with identical smiles.

‘Thank you, Lady Hawke,’ Cullen said sincerely. ‘We checked in on you a few hours ago and you were both sleeping soundly. Our Herald seems to have made a full recovery, and I’m sure it’s largely due to your influence.’ 

‘Ellana’s strong,’ Bethany replied with a smile. ‘I’m sure she would have made it. But I’m glad to have helped. She’s still sleeping.’

‘Yes,’ Josephine spoke up. ‘We thought it best to let you both sleep until you woke up on your own. You have both earned it.’

‘I think we’ve all earned a good, long rest,’ Bethany replied a bit dryly, and everyone present nodded in agreement. ‘I must return to my patients now, I’ve been away for too long.’

‘Of course,’ Cullen nodded his acquiescence with a little half-bow. ‘Thank you again. Not just for Ellana, but for all your help.’ Bethany nodded once, then left them to return to her charges.


	8. Chapter Eight

Ellana didn’t emerge from her tent until the next morning. Bethany was walking between the two medical tents when she happened to glance in that direction in time to see Ellana come out and stretch, her face turned up towards the feeble winter sun. Bethany grinned widely and ducked into the medical tent, feeling more hopeful and uplifted than she had in days.

The next time Bethany emerged - quite eagerly this time, since a bout of food poisoning had sent several dozen people their way - Ellana and her advisors were gathered around their temporary planning table, deep in discussion over something. Ellana glanced up and saw Bethany, and waved slightly before going back to what she was doing. Bethany smiled to herself as she went off in search of Varric - Ellana looked busy and focused, but well.

She found Varric, predictably, sitting by the fire in the gathering dark, with Dorian, Blackwall, and Sera. That night’s story seemed to be a wildly inaccurate retelling of the Hawkes’ journey to Kirkwall, which Bethany recognized from the beginning of the book he had been writing while they were all in Kirkwall together.

‘There they were, Hawke and his brave younger sister, back to back, facing down hordes of darkspawn. The foul creatures were relentless, and the Hawkes were beginning to accept that this was their last stand-’ He cut off when he saw Bethany, but didn’t look the least bit abashed. ‘Well, well,’ he chuckled. ‘And here I thought you had forgotten about your oldest and dearest friend.’

‘I could never forget about you, Varric,’ she assured him, nudging him with her elbow as she sat down. ‘I’ve just been very busy-’

‘And too important to visit, yes I know,’ he finished for her, and she nodded seriously before cracking a smile.

‘Is it true what he said?’ Sera asked curiously, peering at Bethany from across the fire. ‘About them ogres I mean? That there a dozen of ‘em, and you ‘n your brother faced ‘em down single-handed?’ Bethany glanced at Varric, who didn’t even have the decency to look abashed when he shrugged.

‘There was one ogre,’ she told the wiry elf, ‘and it wasn’t just me and Garrett. Our friend Aveline and her husband were there.’ 

‘What was it like?’ Dorian asked curiously. ‘I’ve never seen an ogre outside of a book.’

‘Pray that you don’t,’ Bethany told him fervently. ‘They’re horrible.’ Blackwall asked for a story then - the man proved to have a voracious appetite for stories, and had, surprisingly, been one of Varric’s most avid listeners - and Bethany thought for a moment before deciding on one that was sufficiently interesting, without bringing up any bad memories. She finally settled on one from when she was young, when the Hawkes had just settled down right outside of Lothering.

‘Carver and I must have been ten or eleven,’ she began, ‘so Garrett was fourteen or fifteen. Mother and father had gone in to the village to get some supplies that we needed, and had left Garrett in charge. Garrett and Carver hadn’t gotten along, even back then, so Carver rebelled almost as soon as our parents were out of sight. Garrett and I were planting seeds in our little garden, and we realized we hadn’t seen or heard Carver in a while, so we went to go find him. We searched for maybe fifteen minutes and I could tell Garrett was starting to worry when we heard a splash and a shout, and we ran up over the next hill to see Carver halfway up a tree just off the shore of a little lake, with three goats all standing around the shore looking up at him! The damned fool had wandered off to explore the area and had teased the goats through the fence with some flowers he’d found, not realizing that the fence they were behind wasn’t very sturdy, and it went down as soon as one of them rubbed up against it to get to him. They chased him into the tree and he’d been there for twenty minutes when we found him. The splash was from when he threw his shoe at the goats, trying to get the beasts away from him.’ The story earned an appreciative laugh from her audience, especially from Sera. ‘He never talked about it again, and he never admitted it but I think he was afraid of goats ever since then.’

‘It’s strange thinking of the Champion of Kirkwall as a child,’ Blackwall mused through his laughter. ‘We’ve all heard of his great deeds, it seems as though he just entered into life a grown man.’

‘I think Garrett will always be a child,’ Bethany countered fondly. ‘The added titles just make it more official.’ 

‘Do you have any stories that don’t involve your brother?’ Dorian asked, not unkindly. ‘All I’ve heard from Varric since joining you lot has been ‘Hawke this’ and ‘Hawke that’ and ‘Have you heard about this thing that Hawke did?’ Honestly, darling, I feel as if I know the man already.’ 

‘Varric and my brother have a very special bond,’ Bethany laughed, bumping Varric with her shoulder. ‘But to answer your question, most of my stories  _ do  _ involve Garrett. Until I was put in the Circle, I don’t remember very many times when Garrett and I weren’t together. Especially after we got to Kirkwall, when mother was busy trying to get us out of living in Lowtown, it was the two of us.’

‘What was it like?’ Blackwall asked with considerable interest. ‘Living in the Circle, I mean. I’ve heard some stories, of course, but is it really that bad?’ 

Bethany hesitated, taking a deep breath. She had let go of so many of the things that had happened to her in Kirkwall, but the things that had happened in the Gallows had been burned into her memory. 

‘I think...the Kirkwall Circle was a unique case, I think, when I was there. Knight-Commander Meredith was a fanatic, driven crazy by red lyrium. There was this oppressive fear coming from the Templars, only made worse by Meredith’s encouragement that mages aren’t really people and that we deserved to be punished. It was...all right, when I was first brought there. But then something changed and it was essentially a prison. We weren’t allowed out of our rooms very often. Mages were made Tranquil for the slightest infractions - sometimes for fabricated ones. Rumors that Meredith had requested the Right of Annulment went around almost daily. Of course, if she had really wanted to, she wouldn’t have had to wait for a Revered Mother - she invoked the Right herself after the Chantry was blown up. That’s what caused our Rebellion. The Templars allowed her to go much too far, and a lot of mages suffered for it.’ Bethany felt the familiar surge of anger in her gut at the injustice of it all. She had lost so many friends in the Circle to Meredith’s and the Templars’ fear and hatred. She glanced up and saw that Dorian was looking outraged, Blackwall sympathetic. Sera had slipped away at some point, as she was wont to do. Varric had heard all of this - been privy to most of it - and he laid a comforting hand on Bethany’s knee. ‘Mages are better off without Circles,’ she said. ‘At least, without Circles like the Gallows. I’ll do anything I can to prevent that.’ Dorian’s gaze shifted upwards, to just above Bethany’s head, and Bethany heard someone clear their throat just behind her. She turned to find Cullen standing a respectful distance behind her, a strange, almost shameful look on his face. She felt her cheeks flame, less with embarrassment at being overheard than with remembered rage. She frowned up at him, working to keep her emotions in check.

‘Lady Hawke,’ he said in a low voice. ‘The Herald has requested your presence, if you’d come with me.’

‘Of course,’ Bethany ground out between gritted teeth. Cullen took a few steps away, then stopped and waited for her. 

‘Keep it together, Sunshine,’ Varric advised, squeezing her leg lightly. ‘He’s a changed man. Besides, Ellana would want you to keep it civil.’

‘I can be civil,’ she replied, taking a deep breath. She knew, of course, that Ellana wouldn’t have recruited the man Cullen had been before, knowing how sympathetic she was to the mages’ plight, but there were some hurts that went too deep to let go without a fight. She stood up and turned to follow Cullen, aware of her friends’ eyes on her back.

‘It wasn’t supposed to go that far,’ Cullen said quietly, once she had caught up. She looked at him out of the corner of her eye, surprised he had said anything at all. ‘The Knight-Commander took it farther than any of us ever thought she would. It wasn’t supposed to get that bad.’

‘You couldn’t have not noticed we were suffering,’ Bethany replied, proud of how steady her voice was. ‘How could you walk through the Gallows every day and not see?’

‘I was...different then.’ He sounded pained. ‘I had different ideas. It wasn’t until the very end that I realized I was wrong.’

Bethany didn’t reply. There was nothing else she could say without completely snapping. She was saved having to respond, however, when they approached where Ellana and the rest were gathered around the planning table.

‘Bethany, hello!’ Ellana greeted her with a sunny smile. Bethany smiled in return, pushing the thoughts of the Circle to the back of her mind. ‘I wanted to thank you, first! Not just for helping me, but for all the help you’ve given to the sick and wounded. I don’t know where we’d be without you.’

‘I’m glad to help, Ellana,’ Bethany responded truthfully.

‘Good, because I think we’re not quite done asking for it yet,’ Ellana replied with a laugh. ‘Solas has informed me that he knows of a place for us. Somewhere the Inquisition could set up and be safe.’

‘That’s wonderful,’ Bethany replied, ‘but why hasn’t he spoken of this sooner?’

‘He said he wasn’t quite sure of his bearings,’ Leliana spoke up, sounding as skeptical as Bethany felt about it. 

‘Whatever the reason,’ Ellana interjected, ‘he’s shared it now, and has assured me it will suite our needs nicely. It’s a four day journey from here, and we will set out tomorrow morning. I wanted to let you know first so you can make any extra preparations to move those still in the infirmary.’

‘Thank you, Ellana. There are, thankfully, only three who will still need assistance traveling. Everyone else has either been discharged or is well enough to travel on their own.’

‘That’s wonderful news,’ Ellana said fervently. ‘Tomorrow morning I’ll assign soldiers to strike your tents and help transport your wounded. Thank you, again.’ Bethany inclined her head and turned to head to the medical tents to inform her healers of what would be happening the next morning. ‘Oh, Bethany,’ Ellana called after her. Bethany turned back, quizzical. ‘Cullen has requested, and I’ve agreed, that once we reach our destination, you help set up a more permanent infirmary. I’m sure we’ll need it, and we’ve both agreed that you are best suited for the position.’ Bethany shifted her gaze to stare at Cullen, who was studiously avoiding her eye.

‘Of-of course,’ she finally stammered out. ‘It would be an honor.’

‘Good, good,’ Ellana said, then turned back to look at the map on the table. Bethany stood stock still for another few moments, staring at Cullen, who still refused to look at her. Finally, she shook her head and turned back, missing how Cullen’s eyes shifted to stare at her back, a slight frown forming a wrinkle between his eyes, before he too shook his head and turned back to his duties.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To make up for not posting for over a month, I'm posting this one right away! Thank you so much for reading and leaving kudos and comments, it means a lot!
> 
> This chapter starts on 20 Guardian 9:41 Dragon, in case anyone's keeping track


	9. Chapter Nine

They struck camp just after dawn the next morning, the breath from 250 people misting in the cold morning air creating a cloud around them. Bethany hovered anxiously as six of Cullen’s soldiers took charge of transporting her three non-ambulatory patients, but she needn’t have worried - Cullen had sent his strongest, so they handled her charges with no jostling. Still, she followed close behind them as they traveled, ready to lend assistance should they need it. 

They took it slow, and Bethany could tell that Ellana was anxious about their pace, as she flitted back and forth along the caravan, talking to everyone she could for a few minutes before darting off again. Sera, perhaps spurred by their leader’s flighty mood, also scampered back and forth amongst the people, playing harmless little pranks to amuse herself. She only tried one on Bethany once, but when Bethany sent a small burst of energy through Sera’s hair, causing the already crazy blonde nest to stand on end, Sera laughed and ran off, and didn’t bother Bethany again.

When they stopped for the night, Ellana sent a messenger asking Bethany to join her once she was done in her medical tent for the evening. It didn’t take long - the three patients who had been carried for the day were all looking fine, and there were no new injuries or illnesses for the moment. Bethany was out of the medical tent and into Ellana’s within an hour.

‘You asked to see me?’ Bethany asked once she was inside Ellana’s warm little space.

‘Yes!’ Ellana effused, flopping down onto her cot, throwing one arm dramatically over her face. Bethany giggled - something about Ellana in that moment reminded her very strongly of her brother Garrett. ‘I am so tired of talking to people who treat me like some high-up holy thing, I wanted to talk to someone who’ll treat me like I’m normal!’ 

‘I think I can manage that,’ Bethany grinned. 

‘I figured you could,’ Ellana said, moving her arm slightly to smirk back at Bethany. ‘Anyways. Talk to me about normal things. Tell me how your patients are doing.’

‘Honestly, better than I expected,’ Bethany answered, settling onto the foot of Ellana’s cot. ‘There are only three people I haven’t been able to fully heal yet. I didn’t see any new patients today. Everything’s going absolutely fine.’ Bethany couldn’t help the small hint of wonder from creeping into her voice - when they had first been forced to set out on this journey, she had expected it to be absolute hell, but she and her healers were proving competent enough to handle anything that was thrown at them so far.

‘You seem happy,’ Ellana observed.

‘I don’t know that I would go that far.’ Bethany’s chuckled took away some of the credence to that statement, but Ellana let it slide. ‘Things are still too unstable to be very contented or complacent. But they’re also not nearly as bad as I was expecting.’

‘Do you like healing?’

‘I do,’ Bethany replied honestly. ‘I had gotten the taste for it back in Kirkwall, from one of my brother’s friends. I wasn’t allowed to practice healing magic in the Circle, and I thankfully didn’t have much practice with it while the other mages and I were living in the Vimmarks, but using my healing magic again has felt very...natural. Like this is what I’m supposed to do. If that makes sense.’

‘Of course it does,’ Ellana assured her, pulling herself up so she was sitting cross-legged across the cot from Bethany. ‘It makes perfect sense, especially with everything I’ve seen you do. You’re very good at it.’

‘Thank you,’ Bethany smiled.

‘I can’t wait to see what you’ll be able to accomplish with an actual infirmary space. We’ll make sure that you have everything you’ll need, to keep this Inquisition healthy.’

‘I would like nothing better than to help however I can,’ Bethany answered fervently. 

‘Good,’ Ellana started, but was cut off by a huge yawn. 

‘I’ll let you get some sleep,’ Bethany smiled gently, standing up from the cot.

‘I’m fine, honestly!’ Ellana protested, another yawn betraying her.

‘You need some sleep, Ellana. Healer’s orders.’ Bethany tried to be stern, but was betrayed by a mirthful glint in her eye. Ellana stuck out her tongue childishly, but burrowed down under her covers anyways. ‘Good night, Ellana,’ Bethany murmured as she turned to leave. 

Ellana’s sleepy reply of ‘G’night,’ followed her out into the darkness.

\-----

The next day began just as the one before. The Inquisition awoke and struck camp at dawn, and was on the move within the hour. Ellana was still running back and forth among the people, but Bethany could tell that her excitement now had a kind of nervous tension to it. She, like everyone else, was almost desperate to reach this promised safe space, where they could perhaps let down their guard, relax, and recuperate for a time. There was a hush about the whole group as they traveled, with no one seeming to want to talk much. Bethany saw a few new patients that night, mostly from small illnesses brought on by the pervasive cold and wet of the snow, with a few sprained and twisted ankles from stepping into unseen holes. The only saving grace Bethany could see was that the templars and mages were too cold and tired from traveling to be at each other’s throats. She hoped that, once they were settled and things were less unsure, this peace would become a permanent fixture amongst the Inquisition.

On the third day, Bethany received one of Anders’s spelled ravens. Cassandra was there immediately once word reached her that Bethany had received a letter.

‘Is it from your brother?’ she demanded, staring intently at the missive as if she could divine its contents through sheer will.

‘I don’t know,’ Bethany answered, a little peeved, ‘I haven’t read it yet. With all due respect, Lady Pentaghast, I fail to see how my private messages are any concern to the Inquisition.’

‘We need your brother, Lady Hawke,’ Cassandra retorted, barely containing her obvious irritation. ‘The Inquisition has need of his expertise. If you have any idea of his whereabouts, it would behoove you to share them.’

‘Well, I don’t have any idea. Garrett’s business is his own, and if he wanted you to know where he is, I’m sure he would tell you.’ Cassandra stared at her intently, clearly wanting to say more. Finally, she merely grunted and spun on her heel to march back up to the head of the column with the rest of the advisors. 

‘It is from Hawke, isn’t it?’ Varric asked, once Cassandra was out of earshot.

‘I don’t know who else it would be from,’ Bethany murmured, slipping the note out of the cylinder on the raven’s leg. ‘This is one of Anders’s ravens, and I didn’t leave any with the mages back in the Marches.’ She unrolled the bit of parchment and read Garrett’s letter.

_ Dear baby sister, _

_ I’m sorry this letter was so long coming - Anders and I have been doing a lot of traveling, trying to suss out why he’s hearing the Calling. We’ve run across a couple other Wardens in our travels and it seems they are, too. I don’t think I need to tell you that this is Not Normal. I wish I had better news for you. I don’t know when I’ll be able to join you again. Please write back soon - I miss you and want to know how my baby sister is faring all on her own. _

_ Give Varric our love. _

_ Love, Garrett  _

And below that, in a hasty scrawl

_ And Anders _

Bethany frowned down at the letter. It was frustratingly vague, devoid of anything really useful. It sounded, though, that Garrett was just as frustrated with the lack of information as she was. She passed the note to Varric, who read it with a matching frown on his face, until he got to the sign-off, when he smiled grudgingly and chuckled.

‘Well, this doesn’t give us a whole lot, Sunshine, but I guess it’s better than nothing.’ Bethany agreed.

‘I’ll write him back when we stop for the evening. I seem to have more to write than he did, this time.’

As promised, she sat down to write her brother once her patients had been settled for the night. Varric loaned her a quill and a bit of parchment, under the promise that she’d let him add a postscript.

_ Dear big brother, _

_ I’m so glad to have heard from you, and given the circumstances I suppose I can forgive the fact that it’s been two months since I’ve heard from you. Just this once. I don’t know if you’ve heard yet, but Haven was lost. We sealed the Breach, with the help of Fiona and her mages, but that same night someone called the Elder One attacked Haven with an army of templars and a dragon. Most of us survived, but many did not. Varric and I made it out safely. I lost four mages.  _

_ We’re currently heading towards somewhere we’ve been assured is safe. It’s been a long journey through the Frostbacks, but we’ve been told by the elf who knew of the place that we’re now only about a day from our destination. Wherever that is. Ellana, the elf woman they’re calling the Herald of Andraste, has asked me to help set up an infirmary once we reach where we’re going. _

_ I’ll write again when we get settled. Give my love to Anders, please. Thank him for taking care of you.  _

_ Love, Bethany _

After she signed it, she passed the letter to Varric, who wrote a brief postscript, then sealed it up and attached it to the raven’s leg without letting her see what he’d written. Bethany let the raven go with a sigh, then turned back to her dinner. She hoped that wherever Garrett and Anders were, they were safe.

\-----

On the last full day of travel, the uneasy peace between the mages and templars was broken by a fight between two mages and a small group of templars, who seemed to think that the mages could be doing more to make their journey easier. They couldn’t, of course, and said as much, which resulted in several minor burns, a broken nose, two broken fingers, and numerous small lacerations and bruises. Bethany treated the mages first, while the non-magic healers tended to the templars, then she stalked off to find Cullen. The column had halted for a short rest while they dealt with the aftermath of the altercation, and Cullen was standing at the head of it, looking out ahead of them at the seemingly endless expanse of mountains.

‘You need to do something about your templars,’ she said without preamble when he turned at the sound of her approach. ‘Four of them just attacked two of my mages. All six of them have been treated for minor injuries.’ A flicker of surprise flashed across Cullen’s face before he hid it behind his careful Commander’s facade. 

‘I’m very sorry they’ve caused you trouble, Lady Hawke,’ he said solemnly, surprising her. She had expected some kind of protest of their innocence, rather than an immediate apology. ‘I will deal with the agitators immediately, and make it clear that this sort of behavior will not be tolerated within the Inquisition.’ 

‘Oh. Well. Yes, good. Thank you.’ He nodded once, and sketched a brief bow, before stalking off towards where they had set up a temporary infirmary area. Bethany watched him go with a puzzled frown. Perhaps he really had changed since Kirkwall. The man she knew would never have taken the word of a mage over that of a templar. If this was the Cullen that Ellana knew, it was no wonder she had chosen him to command her Inquisition soldiers. Bethany shook her head and followed Cullen back to her patients. 

\-----

By nightfall, Solas informed them that they were mere hours away from their destination. Ellana put forward a choice: either push through the night and reach their new home just after midnight, or wait until morning and arrive during the day, when they could see it properly. When it was put to vote via a brief poll of several groups, the results were fairly equal, which was no help at all. It was clear that everyone was eager to reach a safe haven, but an equal number of people were pushing for caution. Bethany, frankly, was on that side of the argument - as much as she was tired of traveling, and wished to just be done with it, she knew that it would probably be more prudent to approach their destination during the day, when they could see for sure where it was fully safe for them. 

The discussion was settled by Leliana, who offered to send ahead a group of scouts to look ahead, while the rest of the Inquisition rested for the night in preparation for their last leg of travel. Ellana agreed to this with relief, and Leliana sent six scouts, including Topher and Rena, in the direction Solas told them. Everyone else settled in for the night, but there was a nervous energy about the camp. Bethany couldn’t blame them - she was eager to reach their destination, and to hopefully be done with traveling for a long time. She forced herself to be calm and steady, to at least present a front that would help keep everyone else calm. It took some time for her to fall asleep, but she finally drifted off, the thoughts of a new, hopefully permanent, home lulling her to sleep.


	10. Chapter Ten

Leliana’s scouts returned an hour after dawn the next morning, and their report made it around the camp within thirty minutes. It seemed like they were heading towards a huge, abandoned fortress. The details were fuzzy once they reached Bethany, but from what she gathered, it was situated in the middle of a steep valley in the Frostbacks, only reachable by a stone bridge. The scouts had ventured in, deeming the bridge sturdy and safe, and the fortress itself rundown but serviceable. This news bolstered everyone’s mood, and they set out within the hour, newly invigorated.

It took them longer to reach the fortress than it had taken the scouts, and it was well after noon by the time they got there. A narrow band of woods obscured their view as they came out of the valley they had been trekking through, so the reveal of the Inquisition’s new home was that much more dramatic.

It rose before them, stark grey stone against the backdrop of snow. It looked ancient, as if it had perhaps grown up out of the rock itself when the mountain was made. From this distance, across the stone bridge, it looked rugged and powerful, exactly the sort of structure that would instill doubt and fear into those who would wish to invade it. The Inquisition, as one, paused before the bridge, everyone looking to Ellana, who was gazing up at the walls and towers in awe. Finally, after Leliana leaned forward and whispered something into her ear, Ellana squared her shoulders, then set off across the bridge. Everyone else trickled after her, staring up at the fortress as it got closer. The bridge itself was a marvel of architecture - wide enough for two wagons to pass comfortably, the stones set so snugly together that it was often difficult to see the seams at all. There were two gatehouses along the bridge, each with a giant, heavy portcullis that could be closed to add extra security. They, along with the castle gate, were all already open, but Bethany already felt so much more secure walking beneath them, knowing they could be closed to protect the citizens of the Inquisition.

When Bethany finally walked beneath the main gate, she couldn’t help but let out a gasp as she stepped into the lower bailey. There was so much green in the place, far more than seemed entirely possible in the high, cold Frostbacks. But the grass of the bailey was green and overgrown, clearly left untended for Maker only knew how long. Creeping vines covered much of the interior walls, and the whole effect was lush and green and inviting. Bethany almost collapsed with relief onto the grassy ground, but she held herself up strong and tall. Something about this space seemed serene, peaceful. It was something Bethany hadn’t felt in a long, long time. 

The area they entered into was a receiving yard of some sort, and it seemed to be the lowest part of the fortress-like castle. Most of the rest of the castle seemed to be above them, up a set of stone stairs. Bethany would have to explore that later; for now she instructed the soldiers carrying her remaining injured patients to set them down gently on a flat bit of ground against the wall below the upper yard. That would have to serve as her infirmary until something better could be arranged. As she set up, more and more people came forward, most with minor injuries incurred due to cold and travel. There were a few more serious injuries and ailments that Bethany wished had been brought to her attention sooner, but there was nothing for it now, and she would just have to deal with them as best as she could.

Bethany asked Cullen’s soldiers to stay and set up the two medical tents and then move her patients into them. The thick castle walls provided some protection against the elements, and it was far warmer within then than it was without, but it was still too cold to allow her patients to be out in the open air. Once they were more settled, she would have a look around the castle to pick out a good place for a permanent infirmary. As she took stock of the supplies she had left - severely depleted by almost a week of traveling with no means to replenish them - she began making a list of things she would like to requisition. She didn’t know the financial situation of their organization, but she could only hope that it allowed for the things she would need to set up an effective infirmary.

She and the other healers were left mostly to their own devices for the rest of the afternoon, while the Inquisition settled around them. Most of the refugees who had escaped Haven milled around the lower bailey, while Cullen’s soldiers and Leliana’s scouts moved further into the castle fortress complex, cleaning up and stabilizing what they could, getting things ready for everyone to move in. 

Bethany didn't have a free moment until just as the sun was setting, when she was finally able to emerge from the tent and stretch her arms towards the sky. She heard her spine crackle all the way up, and her shoulders did the same when she rolled them back and forth. She smiled slightly, turning her face up to the rising moon and taking a deep breath. She knew better than to get too complacent, but she felt like she could let her guard down at these a little bit. After four years of constantly watching her back, and a lifetime before that worrying that someone would come to take her away, the relief was almost too much to bear.

‘Will this space be sufficient for now?’ Cullen’s voice startled her out of her reverie, and she snapped her head down to face him. He was standing at a careful distance, his expression guarded. His hand was resting on the pommel of his sword in an action Bethany recognized, and she felt a familiar twinge of fear - she had seen that sword, with its lion’s head pommel, drawn on 'unruly' mages more than once. He seemed to sense her eyeing his hand nervously, for he removed his hand from his sword and rubbed the back of his neck.

‘Until we can find a more permanent space, yes. It will do just fine for now, thank you.’

‘Do you perhaps have a list of supplies you’ll need? I’ve spoken with Ambassador Montilyet, and she’s informed me that if you can give us a projection of your needs, we can budget for them.’

‘Yes, of course.’ Bethany couldn’t quite hide her surprise at that - she had almost been expecting to have to beg for the supplies necessary to have a fully functioning infirmary. ‘I have one started, but I’m sure I’ll add more as I get more patients.’ Cullen nodded. 

‘Of course. If you would like, I could take the list you have and take it to Josephine. We can get your started, at the very least, and by the time the supplies actually arrive, you’ll hopefully have picked a good place to set up permanent.’

‘Oh. Yes. Thank you.’ Bethany turned back into the tent to grab the list off the rickety chair she had found near the stairs. She presented the list to Cullen, who took it and glanced it over, before folding it and slipping it into an inner pocket of his coat. He stood for a moment, looking as if he wanted to say something further. ‘Can I help you with anything else, Commander?’ she finally inquiring, tilting her head quizzically. He looked startled for a beat, and then he shook his head, his face turning pink.

‘No, thank you, Lady Hawke. That was all. I’ll make sure that Josephine gets your list.’ He sketched a bow and turned on his heel to stalk back towards the table he had set up as his workstation at the base of the stone stairs. Bethany watched him go, thoroughly puzzled, before she was called back into the tent by one of her healers.

\-----

The next morning, Bethany left her patients in the capable hands of her healers, and went off with Varric and Dorian to search for a suitable place to set up the infirmary. She wanted someplace quiet that would get a good amount of sunlight and air without being drafty, and preferably someplace on a lower level, so patients who weren’t fully ambulatory wouldn’t have to either climb or be carried up several steep flights of stairs. The lower bailey, where they had come in the day before, was immediately ruled out - the northeastern corner already contained a barn and stables, and there were no other suitable structures on that level - so the three of them ventured upwards.

‘What are you looking for, precisely?’ Dorian asked as they stepped into an empty, derelict room. He nudged what may have been a chair at one point with the end of his staff, looking utterly unimpressed with their surroundings.

‘I need a nice, big room for the infirmary. Hopefully something with windows.’ Bethany surveyed the room critically. ‘This isn’t it,’ she finally decided, and Dorian let out a good-natured grumble as the two men followed Bethany out. 

After about an hour of searching, Bethany found two possible locations in which she could set up shop. One was in a nice, secluded spot in the upper yard, tucked into a corner by another building. The only reservation Bethany had about this one was that the empty building a little to the east looked like the perfect place for a tavern, and she didn’t want her patients bothered by the sounds. The other building was one more level up, which Bethany wasn’t entirely pleased with, but it did have a nice view out of the windows, which also let in plenty of light and air. It had two entrances, and one of them let out into a nice-sized garden area, which Bethany thought would be beautiful once it was weeded and fixed up.

She, Varric, and Dorian set off, in no particular hurry, to find Cullen, who was in charge of divvying up the spaces within the fortress. There was already a line when they reached the workspace he had set up at the base of the stone stairs in the lower bailey, and Cullen was looking rather more harried than usual. If the need for an actual infirmary hadn’t been so great, Bethany would have suggested they leave him be and come back later. 

They ended up waiting in the line for nearly an hour, during which time Dorian got bored and left, and Varric wrote almost a full page of what Bethany assumed was his latest smutty novel. When Bethany finally got to the table, she could see how dark the circles under Cullen’s eyes were, and how bone tired the man looked. It was enough to garner a twinge of sympathy from her empathetic healer side.

‘Lady Hawke, how can I help you?’ Cullen asked politely once the person in front of her had left.

‘I may have found a building to house the infirmary,’ she informed him, her voice completely businesslike. She could see a flash of gratitude in his eyes, and suspected that the people before her hadn’t been as succinct as she was. She described the two locations she had picked out, and he pulled up a hastily drawn map of the castle. The word ‘Skyhold’ was written in bold letters at the top. She assumed that that was what they were calling this fortress, and filed it away in her mind to ask about later. She pointed out the two areas, and Cullen nodded.

‘This one is already spoken for,’ he informed her, pointing to the one off the upper yard. ‘The alchemist, Adan, has requested use of it. The other building is available, however, and I would be happy to have it set aside for your use. It’s near the Chantry, which I believe would be good for the patients, and I believe it opens out into the garden, as well. Lots of air and sunlight,’ he mused, echoing her own thoughts. ‘Yes,’ he finally said firmly, making a note on the map. ‘This building will do nicely. I’ll put some of my men to ready it at once.’

‘I’d like to help them,’ she said, not bothering to hide how pleased she was. ‘Just to make certain that everything gets set up the way I would like.’

‘Of course,’ he agreed immediately. He gestured one of the messengers standing just to his left. ‘Tell Captain Johns to gather….’ He trailed off and glanced over at Bethany. ‘How many men do you think you’ll need, Lady Hawke?’

‘Five should be sufficient, if you can spare them.’

‘Tell Captain Johns to gather five of her soldiers and meet Lady Hawke outside this building here. They are to help her clean and ready it for the infirmary.’

‘Ser!’ The messenger snapped a quick salute then hurried off to find the Captain in question.

‘Was there anything else, Lady Hawke?’ Cullen asked politely, turning back to Bethany.

‘No, thank you. That will be all. For now, at least.’ He chuckled at that, his mouth quirking up slightly in a smile. She noticed that the scar on his lip tugged his smile a little off center. She wondered how he’d gotten that - he hadn’t had it the last time she’d seen him at Kirkwall. She found that it almost made her like him a little bit more, make him seem more human. She also wanted to know who gave him the scar, so she could thank them. Varric was called away, then, so Bethany set off by herself to tell her healers that she had found a place for them.

Their reaction was suitably enthusiastic, and all four of them immediately volunteered to help clean the building and set it up. She declined, saying she needed them to stay and take care of the patients while she oversaw the soldiers who would be cleaning and fixing the space. They agreed reluctantly, but all of them were quick to let Bethany know that they would be ready immediately should she need help. She thanked them and left the tent, eager to get back to the new infirmary space. 

As she walked, she couldn’t help but thank the Maker that she had found such a wonderful group of healers, who were so willing to help at a moment’s notice. She knew that the healing she had done on the journey from Haven wouldn’t have been possible without them, and she was looking forward to having a real space for them to work from.


	11. Chapter Eleven

It was another two days before the infirmary was ready for them to move in, but Bethany thought that it was well worth the wait. There were only two windows, but once they were cleaned they let in plenty of sunlight, and they even opened up to let in fresh air. The north door let out into the garden, and wasn’t far down from the Chantry door, which Bethany was sure would provide some comfort to her patients. She and Cullen’s soldiers had furnished the inside with two desks - one for her and one for the other healers - along with fixing up the shelving that was already installed, and cleaning out the small water closet. Bethany had put in a request for ten cots to be delivered as soon as possible, and Cullen had assured her he would see it done. When they were finished with as much as they could, Bethany had to admit that she was incredibly pleased with the results. She hoped that her healers would be, as well.

The fourth day in the fortress - Skyhold - found Bethany and the healers moving their few remaining patients into the new infirmary, and the response was unanimously positive. 

‘There’s so much space,’ Clarissa breathed, looking around the building in awe. Bethany grinned at her - Clarissa had been with her since Kirkwall, had lived in the cell next door, had been absolutely invaluable in the four years since they’d left the Circle. Clarissa was one of few left who had been with Bethany since the beginning, and Bethany was glad that she could be there to share this moment.

‘Here, follow me.’ Bethany gestured towards the north door, and Clarissa followed her after a quick glance back to make sure that the other three healers had the patients in hand. Thankfully they were down to seven patients who still needed care, so they would be fine for a few minutes. Bethany led Clarissa down the three stone steps and out into the courtyard garden, and was rewarded with Clarissa catching her breath and looking around in absolute amazement. ‘It’ll be beautiful, once all the weeds and overgrowth are taken care of.’

‘It’s already beautiful,’ Clarissa murmured, running her hands over the soft, wispy flowers of a nearby bush. Bethany smiled.

‘It’s part of the reason I chose this location. That door over there is the Chantry, and the door on the other side leads into the Great Hall. It’s fairly easily accessed from any direction, but it’ll also be quiet and peaceful.’

‘It’s perfect, Bethany,’ Clarissa assured her, reaching over the grab the younger woman’s hand in both her own. ‘Thank you. For everything.’ Bethany nodded, not trusting her voice to speak. The two women turned and went back into their new infirmary, where their patients were waiting for them on the cots that had been delivered up from the old tents. There was still a lot of work to do, but Bethany had faith in her team.

\-----

Bethany started out the new infirmary by drawing up a work schedule. Since there were five healers all together, she saw no need for them all to be in there at once. She and the others decided that she would be there all day four days of the week, and Clarissa the other five. The other three healers would take turns working morning and evening shifts, and Bethany and Clarissa would fill in when needed on the days they weren’t working. They wouldn’t know exactly how effective it would be until they actually tried it out, but Bethany thought that it would work for now, with their current patient load.

And they did have a steady stream of patients, starting the day they opened. Every available hand was busy getting the castle livable, so the healers saw, daily, various cuts, scrapes, bruises, splinters, and smashed fingers. One poor man fell off a scaffold, breaking his arm and receiving a nasty concussion. Bethany personally fixed him up as best as she could, but ordered that he stay on the ground, and requested that he stay close to the infirmary, in case of complication or further injury. He complied readily, and volunteered himself for the cleanup going on in the courtyard garden, which was growing more and more beautiful every day. Bethany had requested the small corner near her door for plants she would need for the infirmary. Cullen had agreed readily, and had pointed out the plot already set aside for the alchemists.

When she had the chance, Bethany liked to step out of the infirmary and watch Skyhold change around her. All of the workers were doing such an amazing job, hardly a day went by that they didn’t make noticeable changes to the ancient fortress. The Great Hall, which had been a disaster of rubble and broken glass and other hazards, had been cleaned up and transformed into a space worthy of entertaining the myriad important guests Josephine hoped to host one day soon.

They had been in Skyhold for just over a week when Varric came to find Bethany. He had been in and out of the infirmary to visit Bethany, but she hadn’t really had a chance to talk to her friend since the day they’d found the building. She would never admit it out loud to him, but she missed his company.

‘Hey, Sunshine,’ he greeted her once she was done with her patient. He was lounging indolently at her desk, his feet propped up on it, leaning back comfortably with his hands behind his head. He grinned at her, completely unapologetic, when she nudged his boots off the desk surface.

‘Hi, Varric,’ she returned, perching on the edge of her desk.

‘You’ve been busy,’ he said, a hint of pride in his voice.

‘Well,’ she replied, looking over her shoulder into the infirmary, ‘a building project of this size is bound to bring about all kinds of injuries.’

‘And no one else but you could handle it this well,’ he said fondly. Bethany stuck her tongue out childishly, and he chuckled. ‘Anyways, I came to see if you had a free minute.’ 

‘I have several,’ was her response, and she stood up with a grin. ‘It’s the end of my day, and I have the next three off.’

‘Perfect. C’mon, walk with me, Sunshine.’ He hoisted himself out of her chair and led her off through the north door as she said her goodbyes to the other healers. She thought that he would stop in the garden, but he kept going, up a neatly tucked-away stone staircase, up to the ramparts. They walked for several minutes in silence before he spoke again. ‘Your brother’s coming here.’ Bethany stopped abruptly, staring at the back of Varric’s head when he kept walking another few steps. ‘He’ll be here in three days.’

‘Wait, what?’ She shook her head as if to clear it. ‘Garrett’s coming here? When did you hear from him? Why is he coming here?’ Her voice dropped. ‘Why didn’t he tell  _ me _ ?’ Varric walked back and laid a warm hand on her arm.

‘Hey. He only had time to write a few words. Here, this is what he sent me.’ Bethany took the small, rolled bit of parchment that he offered her.

_ On my way to Skyhold. Found something. Tell Bethy. _

‘Oh,’ she breathed, turning to lean against the parapet. ‘He’s found something.’ She reread the few words again. ‘ _ On my way, _ ’ she said aloud. ‘’My way’? Is Anders not coming with him?’

‘I don’t think so,’ Varric replied, sounding a little troubled, but also like he was trying to hide that he was troubled. ‘Don’t think this is exactly the safest place for him, do you?’ He tried to inject a little humor into his words, and was rewarded with a brief huff of a laugh from Bethany. ‘Anyways. I thought I would tell you, do my best to watch out for my best friend’s kid sister and all that.’

‘I’m not a kid anymore, Varric,’ Bethany said, but her smile widened a little.

‘You’ll always be a kid to me, Sunshine. A grubby, quiet little apostate, following her big brother up and down the worst parts of Kirkwall.’

‘I was never grubby!’ she objected, but she was laughing for real now, and Varric chuckled.

‘There was a distinct grubbiness. It came from living in Lowtown, you couldn’t help it.’

‘I’ll give you that,’ she conceded. ‘You know, there were a couple times over the last few years where I missed even Gamlen’s horrid little hovel.’

Varric let out one of his signature loud, unrestrained laughs. ‘Things must’ve been bad, Sunshine!’ he guffawed. 

‘It was pretty awful at times,’ she admitted, but her smile was fond. ‘But we’re going to be okay now, right? This place feels good. I haven’t had a good feeling like this in a long time. It’s nice.’

‘I think we’ll be just fine, Sunshine.’ He turned and leaned against the wall next to her. ‘It’s been a long time coming, huh?’ Bethany nodded her hearty agreement.

\-----

‘Varric, I have a very important question.’ This was said in lieu of a greeting as Bethany plopped down at the new community dining table in the great hall. It was only two days into Bethany’s three days off, and she was already restless. She hadn’t had that much time to herself for several years, and she was, frankly, at a loss.

‘So you’ve come to your oldest and wisest friend for the answer,’ he grinned, gesturing in her direction expansively. ‘How can I be of assistance, Sunshine?’

‘Oldest and shortest, maybe,’ she quipped, reaching over and stealing a strip of bacon from Varric’s plate. ‘Anyways,’ she continued when he opened his mouth to protest, ‘important question. Is there a library here? There must be, right? I miss books and we are far too civilized to not have books.’

‘I think Dorian’s started one, ask him,’ Varric said dismissively.

‘Varric, you’re an author. Shouldn’t you care where people get their books?’ Bethany glanced up at a noise from the other end of the table to see Cassandra hurriedly turning her face away. It looked like she had just choked on a piece of bread. Bethany cast her a curious look, but Cassandra refused to meet her eye. 

‘All I know is that they’re being read, Sunshine,’ Varric said, sounding completely unconcerned. ‘I don’t know where people get them.’

‘Well, thank you for the help,’ Bethany sighed, standing up again.

‘Anytime, Sunshine.’ He waved a piece of bacon at her as she left to find Dorian.

She found him in the garden, playing a game of chess with Cullen under a stone gazebo. This was a surprise. She’d never seen the Commander doing anything besides work. 

It was, frankly, a little unsettling.

‘I think you’re cheating, Commander.’ Dorian seemed almost delighted with that, as he lounged comfortably in the armed chair across from Cullen’s. The Commander, for his part, was leaning forward towards the table, elbows on his knees, chin resting on his steepled fingers. He looked very intent, focused completely on the game. Bethany frowned slightly as she studied him, taking in his slightly tousled blond hair - longer and curlier than it had been when she’d known him - the crease between his eyebrows, how he was still wearing that stupid coat with the stupid fur pauldrons. 

She hated that coat. 

She could probably bribe Sera to...dispose of it, somehow.

‘I never cheat, Dorian,’ Cullen replied rather primly, moving one of his pieces and neatly capturing one of Dorian’s.

‘You must be, because you’re currently winning, and I am cheating outrageously.’

‘Yes, I know,’ Cullen sighed, leaning back in his chair to watch Dorian make his next move. This action meant he caught a glimpse of Bethany out of the corner of his eye, and he whipped his head around to face her, his ears and neck turning bright red. ‘Lady Hawke!’ he exclaimed, making as if to stand up.

‘No, no,’ she held up a hand to stop him, an amused smile playing on her lips despite herself. ‘Don’t get up on my account.’ He hovered over the seat of his chair uncertainly for a moment before sitting back down when Dorian tried to mask a chuckle with an unconvincing cough. ‘I actually came to find Dorian, but it can wait until you two are done.’

‘Our dear Commander is trouncing me soundly,’ Dorian said cheerfully. ‘I don’t think this game will go on much longer. What is it you need, my dear?’

‘Varric said you were working on a library,’ she replied, leaning up against one of the stone pillars of the gazebo. ‘I’d like to see it, if that would be all right.’

‘You read, Lady Hawke?’ Cullen sounded surprised. Bethany was pretty sure she was insulted. She turned an unimpressed look his way, one eyebrow raised, and he turned red again. ‘I didn’t mean...I only meant….’ He trailed off with a frustrated sigh. ‘What do you like to read, Lady Hawke?’ She regarded him skeptically, then shrugged.

‘All sorts of things. Mother and father used to read us stories, and I had a few books I brought with me from home. Garrett used to bring back fiction books sometimes. And I’m sure you remember that reading was one of the few things we were allowed to do in the Circle?’ He inclined his head slightly, a flicker of shame running across his face. ‘Supervised, of course. So I’m sure you know nearly every book I’ve read in the last seven years.’

There was a brief, awkward pause, in which Cullen appeared to struggle for words, and Dorian looked between the two of them in amusement. Finally, Dorian broke the silence. ‘I have a small collection started,’ he said, turning back to Bethany. ‘The selection is rather dismal thus far, I’m afraid. Mostly old musty tomes I found here already, plus the few Ambassador Montilyet and I were able to smuggle out of Haven. Once I’m done being thoroughly beaten by our Commander, I would be pleased to show you my meager assortment.’

‘Of course, thank you.’ Bethany took a seat on a stone bench a short ways away and observed the rest of their game. It didn’t last long - although Dorian cheated outrageously and Cullen seemed a bit distracted, Cullen was an excellent strategist, and he beat Dorian handily within a few more moves. Dorian dramatically admitted defeat, standing up from his chair and sweeping a low bow.

‘I know when to admit defeat, Commander,’ he announced as he stood up.

‘Is it when you’ve lost the game?’ Cullen asked drily. 

‘Semantics, my dear.’ Dorian waved a hand dismissively. 

‘Yes, well, I need to get back to work, anyways,’ Cullen chuckled, also standing up. ‘If you would like, Lady Hawke, come down to the upper yard in an hour.’

‘Oh?’ Bethany raised one eyebrow and pushed herself up off the bench. ‘What’s happening in the upper yard in an hour?’

Cullen smiled, the brightening effect on his features strangely pleasant. ‘You’ll see. Ellana will be there.’ He bowed slightly in her direction and took off towards the hall. Bethany frowned after him.

‘Do you know what’s happening?’ she asked Dorian.

‘I don’t know a thing, darling. Now, come. I’ll show you my little library.’

\-----

Bethany and Dorian had been in the library for over an hour when they heard a great cheer drift up into the open library window from the yard.

‘Oh!’ Bethany exclaimed, jumping up from the comfortable chair she had draped herself over. ‘Oh, we were supposed to go out to the yard!’

‘If you run, you might still catch the festivities,’ Dorian said, his voice a little distant. He didn’t even look up from his book.

‘Are you coming?’ Bethany asked, already halfway to the spiral staircase leading down to the main floor of the tower Dorian’s library was in. Dorian waved his hand.

‘I’ve seen enough pomp and circumstance for a lifetime. I’m certain I won’t miss it.’ Bethany waved her farewell and ran down the stairs as fast as she dared. Thankfully the library was only on the second level of the tower, so it took her only a couple minutes to make it to the open doors of the great hall, in time to see Ellana, standing on the landing of the main stairs, lift up a greatsword that seemed far too big for her slight frame. It seemed as though the entirety of Skyhold had turned out to witness whatever it was that had just happened, for their numbers filled the upper yard and spilled down into the lower bailey. The number of people in Skyhold had increased by over a quarter just in the week they had been there, with more people arriving everyday. It seemed that word was somehow getting around that Skyhold - previously just an abandoned castle - was a safe haven, and refugees of all sorts were showing up for shelter, and often to help in any way they could. Whatever had just happened, they were all looking up at Ellana with shining faces. Bethany could see Cullen and Josephine, their faces turned towards Ellana. Cullen had his arms raised as if beckoning the crowd, and a smile broad enough that Bethany could even see it from that distance was spread across his face.

‘It seems we have a leader,’ Varric said from Bethany’s side, and she turned to look down at him. ‘Our Lavellan has just been named Inquisitor.’

‘I would expect nothing else,’ Bethany responded approvingly, looking back up to where the elf still stood, and sword lowered now, looking out over the people. ‘She’s always been our leader. Now it’s just official.’

‘Speaking of leaders,’ Varric chuckled, ‘your brother is here.’

‘What?’ Bethany exclaimed, whipping her head around to stare down at him. ‘I wasn’t expecting him until tomorrow! Where is he?’ she demanded, looking around the hall as if he would pop out from behind one of the scaffolds.

‘He’s up on the wall. We thought it best if he kept a low profile for now.’

‘So Cassandra wouldn’t find out?’ Bethany guessed. Varric merely grinned and winked.

‘Go up the stairs in the garden and follow the wall south and through the last tower. If you hurry you can have a few minutes before I send her Inquisitorialness up to talk to him.’

‘Thanks, Varric!’ She leaned down to give him a quick kiss to the temple. He shooed her off, looking like he was trying not to look pleased.

‘Yeah, yeah. Anytime, Sunshine. Now scoot!’ Bethany dropped a quick, mocking curtsy, then spun around and nearly sprinted out through the door to the garden, eager beyond words to see her big brother again.


	12. Chapter Twelve

Garrett was waiting on a landing just outside the southern tower, leaning on the parapet. He was looking out over Skyhold, his hair ruffling slightly in the mountain breeze, and Bethany was suddenly struck by how much he looked like their father as he got older. He was the only one of the three Hawke siblings who had inherited the Hawke look, and he and their father had shared thick black hair and piercing blue eyes. Bethany and Carver had gotten their looks from their mother, with their dark brown hair and golden brown eyes. Bethany felt a pang she hadn’t experienced in a long time, and all at once she missed her parents and her brother fiercely, and she almost tripped down the stairs to throw herself at her remaining family. Garrett turned as he heard her ungraceful entrance, and caught her in a tight hug when she fell into his arms.

‘Baby sister!’ he laughed, hugging her close around the waist and lifting her up off her feet. He set her down after what felt to Bethany like far too short a time, and held her back at arm’s length. ‘I hear you’ve made yourself all important in this little organization.’

‘Oh, I don’t know about that,’ she laughed. ‘All I did was save everyone and set up an infirmary. I’m sure anyone could have done it.’ Garrett threw back his head in one of Bethany’s favorite full-bodied laughs.

‘I always knew that you, of all of us, would make something of yourself.’

‘Says the  _ Champion of Kirkwall _ ,’ she grinned, laughing when Garrett gave an exaggerated wince and shudder.

‘All right, then,’ he conceded, punching her lightly in the arm. ‘So, Healer Hawke, are you doing okay? Everyone treats you well? Do I have to beat anyone up for mistreating my baby sister?’ Bethany chuckled again.

‘Everything’s going...surprisingly well,’ she admitted. ‘Everyone has been especially respectful since we lost Haven, and I’ve been given liberty to set up the infirmary however I want to. We...I think we’re okay.’ Garrett’s grin softened into a fond smile.

‘Good,’ he said firmly. ‘You’ll have to show me around your infirmary, if we get the chance. And I’m sure Anders would love to see it.’

‘Where is Anders?’ Bethany asked, looking around as if she’d see him. ‘Your last note didn’t say whether or not he was coming with you.’

‘We had to...part ways, temporarily,’ Garrett said with a frown. It clearly bothered him to be away from his partner. 

‘Is he looking into whatever happened to him when the Breach opened?’

‘The Calling,’ Garrett supplied. ‘Yes. He thinks...he’s almost certain that it’s a fake Calling. He’s on his way to find Warden Commander Cousland, to talk to her about it. We’ve found out that the Wardens are involved in the Breach, which is what I’ve come to tell the Herald-’

‘It’s Inquisitor, actually.’ Bethany and Garrett both jumped slightly and turned at the sound of Ellana’s voice behind them. She was leaning against the stone railing, watching them with an amused smile. ‘Sorry,’ she said, not sounding the least bit contrite. ‘I didn’t want to interrupt, but it sounded like it was my time to join your conversation.’

‘Ellana, yes, of course!’ Bethany recovered from the momentary shock, and stepped towards Ellana, gesturing for Garrett to follow. ‘Ellana, this is my brother, Garrett. Garrett, our Inquisitor, Ellana Lavellan.’

‘The Champion of Kirkwall,’ Ellana said as her greeting, raising one eyebrow gracefully as she stuck out a hand to shake Garrett’s.

‘Please, Inquisitor,’ Garrett replied, sounding pained, ‘call me Garrett.’

‘Then you must call me Ellana,’ the elf grinned.

‘I think that can be managed,’ Garrett said with a suggestive wink. Bethany groaned internally - she had somehow forgotten how much of an incorrigible flirt her brother could be.

‘Now,’ Ellana said briskly, ‘Varric tells me you have some information regarding the Breach.’ Bethany had to hand it to her, not many people could brush off Garrett’s flirtations so easily - although, once she thought about some of the looks she’d seen pass between Ellana and Josephine, it maybe wasn’t such a wonder after all.

‘I’ll leave you to it,’ Bethany said, taking a step towards the stairs. ‘Garrett, will you find me when you’re done?’

‘Yes, of course!’ he assured her, bouncing forward for a quick hug and a peck on the cheek before she left. As Bethany walked away, she thought that maybe one day she and Garrett could have time to talk without the fate of thousands of people hanging over their heads.

\----- 

Despite the fact that it was her day off, Bethany found herself back in the infirmary late that evening. Four workers had taken a nasty fall after some scaffolding had collapsed, and Clarissa had requested Bethany’s help dealing with them; there had been a spate of other minor injuries that had all the other healers occupied, and Clarissa wanted the more experienced healers dealing with the severe injuries, besides. 

The worker Bethany saw first was the worst off of the four. She had fallen at such an angle that she had landed on a pile of bricks spine-first, followed by her head. She was unconscious - Clarissa informed Bethany that she had been so since she was rushed to the infirmary - which gave Bethany the opportunity to assess her wounds uninhibited. They were serious, but Bethany thought she would be able to at least mostly heal them, if not entirely with magic then by other, more mundane means. She was concerned that the woman might never walk again, but she wouldn’t voice that until she was sure there was no way to heal her fully. Bethany rolled up her sleeves and set to work.

The head injury was the easiest to heal, so she did that first. The blow to the head had caused thankfully minor bruising and swelling to the brain, which Bethany was able to alleviate magically. The woman woke up when Bethany finished at her head.

‘I can’t feel my legs!’ she whimpered immediately, trying to push herself up on her elbows. She spoke the King’s Tongue clearly, but with a faint Orlesian accent. ‘Are my legs gone?’

Bethany pushed her back down gently. ‘Your legs aren’t gone,’ she assured the woman evenly. ‘You suffered a nasty fall that did some damage to your spine. I’m working on fixing it now.’

‘Will I walk again?’ her patient asked, eyes frightened. Bethany hesitated a moment.

‘I will do my very best to make sure you do,’ she replied. ‘I’ll admit that it’s too early to tell, but I’ll do everything I can. What’s your name?’

‘Renee.’ Bethany could see tears forming in the woman’s - in Renee’s - eyes. ‘I will try everything I can. Would you like to be awake while I’m working, or would you prefer to sleep? I can give you something for pain if you would like to stay awake.’ Renee studied Bethany’s face. Clearly something in her expression calmed her, because after a moment Renee took a deep breath.

‘I would like to stay awake, please.’ Bethany nodded, smiling slightly.

‘Roger,’ she called, and one of the young people Bethany and Clarissa had brought on to fetch them things was at her side immediately. ‘Please bring me two bottles of the numbing potion - the blue bottles, mind, not the yellow ones - and an extra pillow if one can be found. And tell Brielle I need her assistance.’ Roger nodded and took off without a word, pausing to speak with Brielle before hurrying to the potions cupboard. Bethany silently thanked Josephine for their growing supply of potions - Adan and his alchemists may have made them, but without Josephine’s connections they would have no money and no supplies. It was amazing what that woman could do in such a short time. 

Brielle was at her side then, and Bethany shoved all other thoughts out of her mind. Brielle was a tall young woman, broad-shouldered and strong from working on her grandparents’ farm, and she’d been invaluable since they’d opened the infirmary. ‘Help me turn Renee on her side, please, steady as you can.’ Brielle nodded swiftly and positioned herself at Renee’s side while Bethany went to her head. ‘Okay, Renee,’ Bethany said, keeping her voice soft and soothing, ‘we’re going to turn you over as soon as Roger brings the potion, very slowly. Brielle here will roll you, while I’m at your head making sure your spine stays aligned. All right?’ Renee whispered an affirmative just as Roger returned with two small blue bottles, as requested. ‘Thank you, dear. That’s all for now.’ He nodded mutely - the boy never spoke much - and retreated back to the wall, out of the way, waiting for someone else who needed him. ‘Drink this, please.’ She handed one of the vials to Renee, who drank it right away, and set the other on the floor under the bed. She could tell immediately when the numbing potion began its work, and she nodded to Brielle, who leaned over and hooked her arms around Renee’s back. ‘All right dear, we’re going to turn you over now.’ Renee nodded, then Bethany nodded to Brielle, and they began the rather arduous task of turning her over without creating further injury.

It took only a short examination, once Renee was safely on her stomach with her spine as straight as Bethany could get it, for Bethany to realize that the damage wasn’t nearly as severe as she had initially feared. Renee told her that there had been several canvases folded on on top of the bricks she had fallen on, which must have dampened the fall slightly. Still, three of her vertebrae were fractured, which had caused damage to the nerves in her spinal cord, resulting in the loss of feeling in her legs. There was some bruising and swelling of the muscles around her spine, which Bethany took care of easily enough, making it much easier for her to 'see' the full extent of the injury to the spine.

It took nearly two hours of very careful magical prodding and poking, shifting and adjusting, before Bethany sat back on her heels, wiped the sweat from her brow, and examined her work. It would take time for Renee to walk again. The damage to her nerves had been rather extensive, and there was only so much Bethany could do with her magic. The rest of the healing would have to be done by Renee’s body, and Bethany was confident that it would heal - if not fully, then enough that Renee wouldn’t be paralysed for the rest of her life. Renee had fallen asleep sometime during the process, and Bethany let her rest, making sure that the air pocket she had created for Renee to breathe through was still there, and that the woman was sleeping soundly enough that she wouldn’t twist or roll over during her sleep. Bethany set Brielle to watch, and stood up from where she had been kneeling beside the cot, her knees cracking stiffly and her own spine popping as she stretched. She turned to see if there was anything else she could help with, but it seemed like her other healers had everything under control, so she slipped quietly out of the infirmary into the garden. It was fully dark then, and the garden was lit by numerous mage lights, which cast the garden in a beautiful, soft yellow glow.

To her surprise, Garrett was waiting for her in the garden, sprawled casually across a bench, talking to Commander Cullen. Bethany came to a halt, eyeing the pair warily - she had been witness to more than one tense encounter between the two men to be completely comfortable with them speaking to each other unsupervised. Garrett looked far too casual to be completely unguarded, and the Commander looked rather tense, but they were speaking quietly and neither looked ready to draw their weapon, so Bethany approached rather cautiously.

‘Hello, baby sister,’ Garrett greeted her when he caught sight of her, his smile a little feral. ‘I was just catching up with our good friend Cullen, here.’

‘Were you really,’ Bethany said, still a bit wary. She glanced at Cullen, who gave her a courteous nod. He was trying to look casual, but Bethany noticed a certain tightness around his eyes.

‘I’m being perfectly civil,’ Garrett assured her, but his grin showed a little too much teeth for her to fully believe him.

‘Is he being perfectly civil, Commander?’ Bethany asked curiously. Cullen looked surprised that she was addressing him.

‘As civil as our shared past will allow, my lady,’ he acknowledge, surprising a laugh out of her. This seemed to startle him, and a wide smile spread over his face before he could catch himself. Garrett looked back and forth between the two of them, his gaze suddenly shrewd, but didn’t say anything. ‘Anyways, I should be getting back to my duties. I imagine your brother will tell you, but I have an operation to plan. Good night, Lady Hawke.’

‘Good night, Commander.’ Bethany watched him stride across the garden - really, the man seemed to stride everywhere. Did he ever relax? - back towards the main hall, before turning back to Garrett, who was watching her. ‘What?’ she asked, a bit crossly.

‘Nothing at all, baby sister.’ He shook his head, pulling a mock serious face, before grinning again. ‘Anyways, as our friend Commander Cullen mentioned, there’s...I suppose we could call it an operation, to plan. Ellana and I will be going to Crestwood, to follow up with Anders’s warden friend, Stroud. He’ll be able to tell us more about what the wardens are doing and how it involved the Breach.’

‘You’re leaving again already?’ Bethany asked, not bothering to hide her disappointment as she sat down on the bench beside Garrett. He immediately scooted closer to her and put his arm around her shoulder, pulling her in so she was tucked to his side. She rested her head on his shoulder and breathed deeply, reminded very strongly of how he had been doing the same thing since they were children.

‘It’ll be a few days,’ he assured her, stroking her hair. She hadn’t realized how tired she was, how much the evening’s work had drained her, until she found her eyes threatening to close from his soothing hand. ‘There’s a lot to plan, and I know Commander Cullen won’t let us leave until every detail is hammered out.’ Bethany breathed a chuckle of agreement. ‘I won’t leave a second before I have to.’

\-----

Garrett ended up staying in Skyhold for four more days, which Bethany was immeasurably grateful for. Most of his time was spent in the war room with Ellana and her advisors, going over their plan for Crestwood and Warden Stroud, but Garrett spent every free minute he had with Bethany and Varric. For her part, Bethany was busier than she thought she would have been, since she spent the moments she wasn’t with Garrett in the infirmary, looking after Renee. 

She was healing well, thank the Maker, but the process was slow, and even though it hadn’t been long since the accident, Bethany could tell that Renee was impatient to be out of the bed. She was able to lay on her back again, which was progress, but she clearly ached for more.

‘Can’t I just get up and walk around for a bit? Or sit out in the garden?’ Renee begged on the third day of her infirmity. ‘You’ve done such a good job healing me, I’m sure I’d be fine.’ Bethany had to hide a smile at Renee’s weedling tone, and her clear attempt at flattery to get her way.

‘I’ve done as much as I could,’ Bethany responded, trying to keep her voice firm and professional. ‘You still need to heal, though, and I don’t want you twisting or moving your spine for another few days yet. It’s a slow process, Renee.’ Renee scowled up at the ceiling, and was quiet a few more moments.

‘Can we...can I please go out to the garden? I miss the fresh air.’ Bethany didn’t point out that it had only been three days, and fresh air circulated through all the open windows. She knew that it was probably only because she had been strictly bedridden, unable to move around, and the pleading look on the other woman’s face made it hard for Bethany to not be sympathetic. Bethany contemplated for a moment.

‘Brielle,’ she finally called, and Brielle was at her side in an instant. ‘Will you get a stretcher ready, please? And bring over two more workers, if there are any available.’

‘Yes, ma’am,’ Brielle agreed, and hurried off to do as she was asked. Renee eyes went wide, practically shining with hope, but she didn’t say anything. Brielle and two boys were back within minutes.

‘Okay, Brielle, help me lift Renee up very carefully, then if you boys could slide the stretcher under her. Then we’ll carry her out to the garden, and you two will bring the cot, please.’ Her three helpers nodded and took their places immediately, then Brielle and Bethany carefully lifted up Renee, and the two boys slid the stretcher under her as requested. ‘Wonderful. Now, carefully, Brielle.’ The two women carefully lifted the stretcher and carried Renee out the north door into the garden, the boys following with the cot. Bethany gestured towards a sunny, flat spot near a tree, and the cot was set down so Bethany and Brielle could gently lower Renee down. ‘Thank you, boys, that will be all for now. Brielle, if you could stay, please, in case we need to move her later.’ The boys ran off back to the infirmary, and Brielle sank onto a nearby bench, looking almost as grateful as Renee to be out in the open.

Renee, for her part, turned her face towards the sun, her eyes closing blissfully as she felt the breeze on her face.

‘Thank you, my lady,’ she whispered after a few quiet moments, during which time Bethany examined her carefully to make sure she didn’t show any signs of pain or stress.

‘Please, call me Bethany.’ Renee nodded, and they were quiet for a few moments. ‘Where are you from, Renee?’ Bethany asked after a while.

‘Val Foret, originally,’ she replied in a quiet, contented voice, her eyes still closed and face still turned towards the sky. ‘It’s right on the Imperial Highway. My mother was from there, but father is from Redcliffe, so after maman died, when I was sixteen, we moved there. That was fifteen years ago.’

‘What brought you to the Inquisition?’

‘I knew I had to do something when I saw the Breach. It didn’t look nearly as bad from Redcliffe as it did from Haven, but the Blight didn’t look that bad at first, either. I couldn’t really do anything for the Blight - I’m not really a fighter, and I didn’t want to leave papa alone, so I couldn’t join the Wardens - so when I heard of the Inquisition forming in Haven, I convinced papa to come with me, and we both went to Haven to see if we could help at all.’

‘Is your father here?’ Renee sighed, her expression tightening a little.

‘He didn’t make it out of Haven. He was helping evacuate and he got cut down by a red templar.’ Bethany wordlessly laid a hand on Renee’s shoulder, and the other woman reached up and patted it lightly. ‘He was just one of many who gave and will give their lives for the Inquisition. I’m going to do everything I can to make sure that his sacrifice wasn’t in vain.’

‘I’m sure he’d be proud of you,’ Bethany assured her, and Renee nodded, smiling again.

‘I know he would be.’

‘Would you tell me about Orlais?’ Bethany asked. ‘I’ve never been there.’ 

‘Oh, it’s beautiful,’ Renee breathed wistfully. ‘Val Foret, especially. We were right where Imperial Highway crossed the river, so everything was always lush and green. Val Foret is old, even older than Val Royeaux and Halamshiral, so everything is very historical, very beautiful. I hope to go back, someday.’

Renee spent the rest of the morning telling Bethany stories about growing up in Orlais. Garrett joined them sometime after midday, and sat quietly - which was unusual, for him - on the bench with Brielle until Renee fell asleep in the middle of a story.

‘You’re very good with your patients, Bethany,’ he said seriously, joining her where she sat by Renee’s cot. ‘I saw you working on her that first day, and she’s already so much better.’

‘Well, I had a good teacher,’ she replied.

‘Oh, I think you surpassed what Anders taught you a long time ago. This was all you, baby sister.’ Bethany smiled softly.

‘I enjoy it,’ she admitted. ‘I’ve learned a lot. I can’t help thinking how much further I’d be if I hadn’t gone to the Circle, though.’ The admission hurt coming out, and she regretted it almost immediately.

‘Don’t think like that, Bethany.’ His voice was soft and kind, but with a hint of steel behind it that told Bethany that he meant business. ‘You’ve always been quick, and brilliant. Anders may have laid the groundwork for what you know, but I know for a fact that he never taught you how to repair a fractured spine and fix nerves. That was all you.’

Bethany said nothing for a long time. Finally, she sighed and reached over to grab Garrett’s hand. ‘You always know just what to say, big brother.’

‘I’ve always had a way with words,’ he said cheekily, patting her hand.

‘Is that why half of Kirkwall wanted you dead at any given time?’ she quipped cheekily.

‘Not everyone appreciates an artist, baby sister.’ They laughed as quietly as they could so as to not wake Renee, but the woman stirred anyways. The quieted immediately, and waited until they were sure she wasn’t going to waken, before resuming their conversation. ‘Anyways. I really came out here to tell you that we’re leaving tomorrow. We’ll be gone at least two weeks, possibly more. Varric and Dorian are coming with us, and the Iron Bull, I think.’

‘Oh.’ Bethany sighed heavily. She knew that Garrett would have to leave eventually, but she hadn’t thought that he might be taking Varric and Dorian with him, as well. She didn’t have any other close friends in the Inquisition, so she would either have to make friends quickly, or have a very quiet few weeks. ‘Well. You’ll come back here when you’re finished in Crestwood, right?’

‘If it’s at all possible,’ he agreed.

‘Well,’ she said again, standing up. ‘Help Brielle and I take Renee back to the infirmary, then you and I can talk some more before you have to leave again.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have sixteen chapters written so far and now I've hit a mental block! But I still have four chapters ready for y'all and hopefully I'll be able to beat this writer's block in time to publish again! <3


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Ellana and Garrett left very early the next morning, but Bethany still dragged herself out of her moderately comfortable bed to see them off. They were in rather a hurry - Ellana was eager to go, and it was cold enough out that everyone else was eager to be moving, as well - so Garrett and Bethany only had a brief moment in the yard before the Inquisitor’s party was heading out the gate. Bethany called her goodbyes to Varric and Dorian as they left, watching as they waved over their shoulders back to her. She wasn’t expected in the infirmary for another hour yet, so she made her way slowly up the stairs onto the ramparts, and watched as they rode away. When she could no longer see them, she wandered down the ramparts, looking out over the valley, breathing in the cold mountain air that seemed so much crisper up there than down within the confines of the fortress walls.

Before Haven, she had been rather content in her loneliness - almost reveled in it, after the close, restricting confines of the Gallows. She had been friendly with the other apostates, but she hadn’t been  _ close  _ to them. Since traveling with Garrett and Anders, then joining the Inquisition, however, and being around Varric daily, and then Dorian, she had gotten used to being around people she loved, who loved her back. Now that her only close friends were riding away from Skyhold for at least two weeks, she felt a strange emptiness, that she hadn’t really felt since she had first joined the Circle and been taken away from her family and friends. She had almost forgotten it, the empty ache of loneliness, and she hadn’t missed it.

A crash from inside the nearby tower startled her from her reverie, and she hurried to the closed door just in time to hear a muffled curse, and then silence. She waited a moment, hand on the doorknob, before knocking.

‘Come in,’ was the gruff reply, the voice sounding a little irritated, and she pushed the door open tentatively. Commander Cullen was on the other side, in what must have been his office, cleaning up a broken bottle and a stack of papers off the floor. ‘Lady Hawke.’ He hurried to straighten up, looking a little shocked that she was in his office. ‘I’m sorry, I wasn’t expecting-’

‘I heard the crash,’ she assured him, gesturing to the broken bottle on the floor. ‘I didn’t know it was your office. Is everything...are you all right?’ Now that she looked at him, she noticed that he seemed paler, and far more tired, than he usually did, even in the warm light cast from the fireplace.

‘I’m fine, thank you,’ he replied rather primly. ‘My hand merely slipped.’

‘Of course.’ She eyed him skeptically - in all the time she’d known him, she’d never once known him to be anything but perfectly composed and in control at all times. ‘I’m a healer, you know,’ she said after a moment. ‘If anything’s the matter, I can help.’

‘Thank you, Lady Hawke, but I can manage just fine on my own.’ She noticed that he didn’t say that nothing was wrong. She examined him with a critical eye, but he said nothing more.

‘Well,’ she said after a moment’s silence, ‘If you ever need me, you’ll know where to find me.’ 

She turned to leave, but stopped when Cullen called, ‘Wait, please.’ She turned back to face him. He looked almost...resigned. ‘I’ve given up taking lyrium.’

Bethany stared at him. She had never heard anything good about a templar quitting lyrium. She heard the withdrawals could be the worst thing that a templar could go through. Possibly the last thing. ‘When did you stop taking it?’ she asked, rather than voicing any of those concerns. She knew that he had probably thought of them already. 

‘When I quit the templar order and left Kirkwall. About six months ago.’

‘What are your symptoms?’ she asked next, her voice businesslike. This was comfortable territory, in her role as a healer. She could stand to be around Cullen in a healer/patient capacity.

Cullen sighed heavily, and sank down into his desk chair. ‘Headaches,’ he replied, staring down at his desk. ‘Sometimes chills, then flashes of heat. My hands are beginning to shake sometimes. And nightmares. Terrible….’ He trailed off, then looked back up at Bethany. ‘Can you help me, Lady Hawke?’ It sounded like it pained him, this admission that he perhaps wasn’t strong enough to deal with it on his own.

‘I can certainly try,’ Bethany said. ‘I will admit, I’ve never seen a templar survive this.’ She had seen a few templars go through withdrawals, in Anders’s clinic. It had never ended well for them. Cullen nodded, looking a little resigned. ‘But I will do my best,' she vowed. 'The fact that it’s been six months and your symptoms are only now getting severe enough for you to ask for help is encouraging, though.’ She stepped forward and crossed to his side of the desk, raising her hand. He seemed faintly alarmed that she was standing so close, and he turned to face her. ‘May I?’ she asked, reaching her hand towards him. He nodded, a bit hesitantly, but relaxed when she laid the back of her hand against his forehead, closing his eyes with a sigh.

‘Your hands are cold,’ he murmured. His eyes snapped open and he flushed a deep red, as if he couldn’t believe he’d said that, but Bethany shrugged it off.

‘That’s probably because you’re burning up,’ she replied. ‘I’ll bring you something for your fever. Can you make it through the day? I need to go to the infirmary soon, but I can come back tonight. I’ll bring something to help you sleep, as well.’

‘That would be fine, thank you. I would not...I wouldn’t burden you with this, Lady Hawke, if I wasn’t concerned that this...that my health...might negatively impact the Inquisition in any way.’

‘It’s all right to ask for help, Commander.’ He looked doubtful, but didn’t argue. ‘Anyways. Is your head bothering you at all now?’

‘Only a little today. I’ve certainly had worse.’

‘Here, I can help a little bit with that right now, at least. Turn back to face your desk, please.’ He hesitated. ‘Don’t worry,’ she smiled. ‘I’m very professional - I wouldn’t use my magic to harm a patient.’

‘That’s not-’

‘I know, Commander,’ she chuckled, and he flushed again, then turned in his chair so he was facing his desk again. ‘All right, I’m going to touch your neck in a moment, and my hands are going to be very cold. Is that all right?’ she waited for his nod before she sent a jolt of cold to her hands, wrapping them in a thin layer of frost, and laid them against Cullen’s neck.

He let out a hiss at the cold contact, but it turned almost instantly into a sigh as she began to massage his neck with her cold fingers, right at the base of his spine. He dropped his head forward slightly, and Bethany was almost certain he had closed his eyes. She didn’t know if she’d ever seen him this relaxed. He seemed very vulnerable in that moment.

His neck muscles were incredibly tense, but she could feel them relax and loosen beneath her fingers as she worked at them gently but firmly. By the time her fingers had warmed up again, his shoulders had relaxed and his head had dropped so that his chin was almost touching his chest. His breathing was slow and even, and when she stepped away, back around the desk, she thought he looked very young and exposed just then. She turned to leave as quietly as she could - she didn’t think he was sleeping, since she didn’t think he could let himself sleep around another person, but he was so relaxed that she didn’t want any noise or sudden movement to startle him back to full consciousness.

‘Thank you,’ he murmured, barely loud enough for her to hear. She looked back over her shoulder to find him watching her go with a heavy, sleepy gaze.

‘You’re welcome,’ she replied softly. ‘I’ll be back this evening.’ He nodded and Bethany could practically feel his eyes on her as she left his office.

\-----

Bethany had rarely ever thought of herself outside of her relation to other people. Growing up, she had been The Hawke Girl, associated either by her parents or her brothers. Then she had been Garrett Hawke’s Sister in Kirkwall, tagging along where he went, getting in trouble when he got in trouble. When she was in the Circle, she had been just another mage, then just another enchanter, and then she had been the Champion of Kirkwall’s little sister. She had never stopped to consider her own place in the world before.

Now, however, since Garrett was gone and Varric was gone, and all she had was herself, she found herself thinking of her identity as she worked with her patients in the infirmary.

She was an Enchanter. She was a leader. She was an accomplished healer. She was someone whom people relied on, and whom they came to for help and advice. If she really thought about it, she  _ was  _ proud of her accomplishments, and everything she’d made for herself. She straightened up and looked around the infirmary, watching the other healers work. They all worked together to make the infirmary run seamlessly, but they all essentially answered to her. She had made a name for herself, and while she was certainly proud to be Garrett Hawke’s little sister, she was her own person. This thought brought a smile to her face, and she held onto it as she crossed the infirmary to Renee’s bed.

‘How are we today?’ she asked cheerily, pulling a short stool up to Renee’s bedside and sitting down.

‘Much better, thank you.’ Renee’s smile was bright, and her face showed no hint of pain or discomfort. She was sitting up today - had been since the night before, actually - and Bethany was immensely pleased with the progress.

‘Would you like to try walking today?’ The woman’s smile turned positively radiant.

‘Oh, can I?’ she asked, sounding like an excited child. ‘I feel so much better, and my back only hurts when I twist too much.’

‘Can you feel your legs fully?’ Bethany began massaging the appendages in question, a daily ritual she had begun to keep the blood flowing when Renee couldn’t move them.

‘Mostly. There’s still some numbness occasionally, and tingling,’ Renee admitted. ‘But I really do feel ready to move around!’ She said the last part quickly and earnestly, as if worried that the admission would prompt Bethany to take away the promise of getting out of bed.

‘I’m sure you’ll be fine to move,’ Bethany assured her with a smile. ‘We’ll take your cot out to the garden, since it’s nice outside, and you and I will walk around the paths. Does that sound good?’

‘That sounds wonderful,’ Renee enthused. 

‘Excellent. Let’s get you outside.’ Within ten minutes, Renee’s cot was set up outside, and she was sitting rathering gingerly on the edge of it. ‘Does that hurt at all?’ Bethany asked, watching the other woman’s face carefully.

‘It doesn’t hurt, really. It just feels strange.’

‘Probably because you’ve been immobile for four days.’ Bethany stood directly in front of Renee and held her hands out. ‘Here. Grab both my arms, and we’ll get you standing, and see how you feel from there.’ Renee nodded and grasped Bethany’s arms tightly. ‘Don’t pull yourself up, let me pull you. I want as little extra strain as possible.’ Renee nodded, screwing her face up in concentration. Bethany had to bite her lip to keep from laughing at how Renee stuck her tongue out when she focused. They paused once Renee was standing, to let her get her bearings, and only when Renee nodded did Bethany take a small step back, pulling her patient after her gently. Renee took a few shuffling steps and when that clearly didn’t pain her, she took a couple larger ones, her face breaking out in a wide smile.

‘I’m walking,’ she breathed, sounding completely awed. There were tears standing in her eyes.

‘You are, indeed,’ Bethany agreed, keeping her voice even despite her own personal surge of gratitude and satisfaction. ‘But we’re not going to overdo it today,’ she warned gently. ‘We’ll go to the bend in the path there, and then it’s back to your cot. I don’t want to strain your spine or your legs too much.’

‘Of course,’ Renee agreed immediately. ‘If it means I’ll walk normally again, I’ll do anything you say.’

‘I’ll hold you to that,’ Bethany warned playfully, and Renee laughed, the sound ringing through the garden.

\-----

It was growing dark, the sun setting behind the Frostbacks, when Bethany knocked on Commander Cullen’s office door again. This time, she came equipped with a small clay pot full of a greenish paste that smelled of elderflower and oakmoss, a jug of mulled cider and a cup, and a small vial of sleeping potion. He called her in, and she opened the door as best as she could without dropping any of the things she was carrying.

‘Oh, Lady Hawke! Please, let me take those for you!’ Cullen was out from behind his desk in a second, and had taken the jug and the cup from her before she could say anything.

‘Thank you, Commander.’ She set the other two items on his desk, and sat when he indicated the chair across from his own. 

‘I’ll admit, I forgot that you would be coming by tonight,’ Cullen confessed, sitting back in his big, imposing desk chair, which did not look at all comfortable. ‘Although, I’m glad you have.’

‘How did you fare today?’ she asked, a bit formally. She thought she saw the corner of his mouth quirk up in a smile, but it was gone before she could be sure.

‘Well, thank you,’ he replied, settling back. ‘Your magic touch truly did wonders.’

‘Of course, I’m glad to have helped. That’s why I’ve brought these things.’ She gestured at the small spread on Cullen’s desk. ‘This one is a paste that I’d like to massage into your neck, if you would be all right with that.’ He picked up the small jar and gave the goo a sniff, and he couldn’t hide the smile on his face this time.

‘This smells like the salve my mother used to massage into my father’s shoulders. He’s a farmer, he would-’ He stopped suddenly, as if just realizing he was sharing personal information. His face turned red, and he didn’t look up from the salve for several seconds, but Bethany took that time to observe him curiously. His voice had sounded different when he talked about his family - more open and honest, with none of the stiffness or formality that usually tinged his words. It made him look different, somehow. She blinked when he looked up, and smiled slightly despite herself.

‘Where are you from?’ she asked, surprising herself. She had meant to explain to him why she’d brought the cider and the sleeping potion.

‘My family owns a small farm, just outside Honnleath. I lived there until I was thirteen.’ Bethany nodded, unsure how to respond, and there was a beat of silence before Cullen cleared his throat. ‘What are these, then?’ Bethany was grateful for the change in subject. This was comfortable and familiar.

‘This is a jug of mulled cider, from The Herald’s Rest.’ She had gotten the jug from Cabot, who ran the new tavern, by exchanging it for a foot cream, which she didn’t think Cullen needed to know. ‘It doesn’t have any alcohol in it - I don’t want to replace one addiction with another - but I have mixed in a very mild sleeping draught. Heat up a small cup of this on nights when you can’t sleep, and it will help relax you. That’s what this cup is for, actually. It’s something I cooked up with the new arcanist, Dagna. There’s a heating rune on the bottom, that will warm up whatever liquid is inside the cup. It’s ingenious, really.’ Cullen examined the cup, looking suitably impressed. ‘This other one is a more potent sleeping potion. I recommend you don’t use this one very often, and only take a small swallow when you do. And don’t mix this with the cider - the two sleeping potions wouldn’t react well together.’ He nodded intently with every bit of instruction, taking the corks out of the cider and the potion, and giving them each a sniff in turn. Bethany bit her lip to keep from laughing. ‘Now, I’m assuming you’re done with your work for the evening?’

Cullen looked at the papers spread across his desk, hesitating. Finally, he sighed and gathered them up into a pile. ‘Yes, I suppose I am.’

‘All right.’ Bethany stood up and grabbed the jar of salve. ‘I’ll massage this into your neck, to relax the muscles. That will make your head feel better, it’ll ease the tension in your neck and shoulders, and it will help you sleep. Does that sound okay?’ 

‘That sounds perfect,’ he replied. Bethany nodded, and crossed around the desk to stand behind him. Dipping out a small amount onto her fingers, she set the jar back on the desk and rubbed her fingers together to spread the salve even.

‘You might want to take off those pauldrons,’ she advised. ‘Unless you want them to smell of elderflower and oakmoss forever.’

‘There would be worse things they could smell like forever,’ he replied, a smile in his voice, but he removed the pauldrons and cloak anyways, placing them neatly on his desk. Bethany chuckled despite herself, then, with a brief warning so as not to catch him off guard, she set her fingers to his neck and began to work out the tension. ‘That feels wonderful,’ he breathed after a few quiet moments. ‘The cold this morning felt good, but that salve is a miracle.’

‘It’s an old Ferelden recipe I learned from my father,’ she told him. ‘His parents were from near Honnleath, as well. Perhaps my grandmother learned it from the same place your mother did.’

‘Your father was from Honnleath?’ Cullen asked, his voice soft but curious.

‘His parents were,’ she corrected. ‘They relocated a lot after he began to show signs of magic, but he ended up in the Kirkwall Circle, anyways. A family trait, apparently.’

‘Oh, yes. I believe I’d heard that he was a Circle mage, once.’ Bethany nodded, though she knew that Cullen couldn’t see her, and they lapsed into silence for several minutes. ‘If it means anything at all, I am sorry. That, ah, that I-that we, took you away, I mean. At the time, I thought it was the right thing to do.’

‘Oh.’ Bethany was at a loss for words. Of all the things she expected to hear from him, that wasn’t one of them. ‘Thank you. I mean….’ She trailed off, her fingers stilling, then sighed. ‘I think that will be enough for tonight,’ she whispered, leaning back and rubbing her hands together, ridding herself of the excess salve. ‘Take one cup of the cider tonight, when you’re ready to go to sleep. Find me in the infirmary tomorrow if you would like me to come see you again in the evening.’ She stepped to the side and made to pick up the jar of salve, when he grabbed her hand gently. 

‘You may never forgive me, Lady Hawke, and I would understand. But know that I am deeply sorry, and I regret what transpired in Kirkwall. Truly.’ Bethany met his eye, and he held her gaze earnestly. She opened her mouth to say something, then closed it, unsure what she even  _ could _ say.

‘I should be going,’ she finally said, gently extracting her hand from his. 

‘Of course.’ He sat back in his chair with a slight sigh, still holding her eye. ‘Good night, Lady Hawke.’

‘Good night, Commander.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for all your kind words and encouragement! I'm slowly adding to this story as I can, as this summer has been very hectic, but I'm still really enjoying writing it and posting the new chapters and seeing what everyone thinks! <3


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter before I played the Awakening expansion so some of my info doesn't fit with that story, but I left them in for plot purposes.   
> <3

‘D’you ever get out of here?’ Bethany looked up from her desk, where she was writing up her daily notes, to see Sera perched on the edge of the bed near the desk. The bed happened to be occupied by Renee, who seemed confused but not terribly upset to find the eccentric little elf sitting at her side. ‘I haven’ seen you since we got here.’ 

‘How can I help you, Sera?’ Bethany asked with a smile, going back to her notes.

‘I’m bored,’ she announced, hopping up from the bed. ‘Varric told me to make sure you had fun, and now neither of us are havin’ any.’ Bethany shook her head fondly - of course Varric would do something like that.

‘I’m almost done here,’ Bethany said, standing up and stretching. ‘Can you wait an hour? Then I’m all yours.’

‘I’ll be back!’ Sera chirped in lieu of an answer, then practically bounded out of the infirmary, nearly knocking over Brielle as the taller girl came in with an armful of clean linens. ‘Ooh, you’re a tall one, aren’t ya?’ Sera stepped closer, peering up into the girl’s bewildered face, then laughed and scampered off. Bethany shook her head again, thoroughly amazed at the elf’s boundless energy.

‘All right, Renee,’ Bethany said, turning back to her charge. ‘I want to just check your back one more time, and then I think I can let you go.’

‘Really?’ the woman gasped, sounding awed. ‘It’s only been a week!’

‘I know, but you’ve healed remarkably well. I still want you to take it easy,’ she warned, kneeling down by the bed, ‘but I think I’ll be able to approve you for light labor.’ Renee was practically bouncing with excitement as Bethany examined her legs and spine, making sure she could feel everything, and that everything was moving properly. Bethany had her walk two laps around the infirmary unassisted, and when Renee was standing back in front of her again, she nodded, pleased. ‘All right, Renee. Everything looks wonderful, so I’m going to let you go.’ Renee let out a series of delighted noises, clasping her hands together, her eyes filling with tears. ‘Speak with Lady Montilyet and see if she can find an assignment for you that’s not too strenuous, just for the time being, and I want you to come back to me immediately if anything feels even slightly off. Understand?’ Renee nodded fervently. ‘All right,’ Bethany laughed. ‘Now you can go.’

‘Oh, thank you, thank you!’ Renee enthused, and then, to Bethany’s surprised, she stepped forward and caught her in a tight hug. ‘Really, thank you so much.’ Bethany returned the hug after a moment’s stunned inaction. ‘If anyone else had been looking after me, I don’t know that I would have ever walked again.’

‘You’re strong, most of the healing was done by you.’ Renee stepped back and gave Bethany a look, to which she laughed, and capitulated, ‘Well, I guess I did speed things along.’

‘You did,’ Renee said firmly, then grinned. ‘I’ll go see if I can find the Ambassador, and see if she has something for me to do.’

‘Good.’ Renee nodded, then turned and walked as quickly as she could out of the infirmary. Bethany watched her go, trying to keep the pleased smile from creeping across her face.

She was just finishing up her notes on Renee when Sera came back to the infirmary, hopping up onto the edge of Bethany’s desk.

‘You done yet?’ she asked without preamble, picking up one of Bethany’s quills and twirling it through her fingers. ‘I’m gonna teach you how to shoot a bow.’

‘You’re going to what?’ This caused Bethany to pause. She didn’t know what she had been expecting Sera to say, but it certainly wasn’t that.

‘You’re gonna learn to shoot a bow! Everyone should know how - it’s dead useful.’ She hopped up from the desk again and grabbed Bethany’s hand. ‘C’mon!’

Bethany set down her quill and allowed Sera to drag her out of the infirmary. ‘Sera, I’m a mage,’ she reminded the elf. ‘I don’t really  _ need _ to know how to use a bow.’

‘But we’re fightin’ templars, yeah? An’ they can do that smitey thing. And then  _ poof _ , no magic. So you’ll need something else, right?’ Bethany couldn’t deny that there was some strange logic to that.

‘I suppose,’ she agreed, almost tripping as Sera tugged her down the stone stairs towards the practice yard.

‘I’ll show ya how to handle daggers, too. I’m not as good with those, but I know a bit.’ Bethany knew that Varric had suggested this to Sera, but Sera wasn’t one to do something she didn’t want to do, so Bethany was touched that the flighty little elf was taking this time to work with her.

The practice yard was relatively empty, and Sera found an archery target in a more secluded spot near the alchemists' building. A bow - much smaller than the one Sera used - and a quiver of arrows were already waiting for her, propped up against the target. 

‘I’ll start ya off on a small bow. I know ya can handle a bigger one - ya look strong - but this one’s easier for gettin’ used to. Yeah?’ Bethany nodded. ‘All right.’ Sera bounced forward and picked up the bow, handing it to Bethany. It was sturdier than she had imagined, and when she plucked at the string experimentally, it didn’t give at all. ‘I wanna get your stance right first. You’ve gotta stand right every time or your shots go all wonky.’

‘Sera, I’ve seen you hit a target while sitting cross-legged on the roof.’

‘Well, yeah, but I’ve been  _ practicing _ . You’ve gotta do it right first then you can muck about like I do.’

‘That’s...surprisingly good advice.’ Sera grinned, then grabbed Bethany’s hips and turned her so she was standing perpendicular to the target.

‘Stand like this. Feet a little apart.’ Bethany took a step, widening her stance. ‘No, no, not that far. Just to get a good base, see.’ Sera demonstrated, and Bethany adjusted until Sera told her it was right. ‘That feel okay?’

‘It feels much more stable,’ Bethany agreed.

‘Good. Now, bring the bow up like you think it should be, and I’ll tell ya if you’re right or not. Don’t pull the string yet.’ Bethany laughed, but did as she was told, bringing up the bow like she’d seen other people do it before. Sera made some minor adjustments, nudging her arm up a little bit, turning it so that her elbow wasn’t twisted, then stepped back a bit. ‘’Kay. Now, try to draw the string. I got you one that’s not so tight, so ya should be fine.’ Bethany nodded, then hooked her fingers around the string and pulled back, almost letting go immediately - it was much harder than she had anticipated. ‘Pull it all the way back. Yeah, like that. Now pull it so that your hand is at the corner of your mouth. No, more like this.’ Sera moved Bethany’s hand so that the fingers crooked around the bowstring were anchored at the corner of her mouth. ‘There.’ She stepped back and assessed Bethany’s stance, then nodded. ‘Now bring the bow down an’ practice drawing it, just like that.’

Bethany practiced drawing without an arrow for what felt like a very long time, until Sera was satisfied and her shoulders and arms were starting to ache. The sun was setting behind the Frostbacks when Sera declared them done for the day.

‘Tomorrow we’ll practice with arrows!’ she announced, and Bethany agreed.

‘I’ll be done in the infirmary about the same time again tomorrow,’ Bethany replied, rather more excited at the prospect than she thought she’d be. ‘I can meet you down here when I’m finished?’ Sera nodded, bounced forward to press a sloppy kiss to Bethany’s cheek, then bounded off in the direction of the tavern.

\-----

This became their daily routine: Bethany would do her normal work in the infirmary during the day, then meet Sera for archery practice in the evenings. Sera was a surprisingly patient teacher for someone who could normally hardly sit still, and Bethany was learning far more than she thought she would. By the end of the second week, she was hitting nowhere near the center of the target, but she was good enough at aiming that she was no longer shooting the arrows into the ground in front of it.

‘You’re quick,’ Sera praised, watching as Bethany let an arrow loose, hitting the outer ring. ‘Leliana’s gonna be recruiting you to her rogues soon.’ Bethany laughed.

‘I don’t know that I’ll ever be good enough for Leliana,’ she argued.

‘Well, you’ll be good enough if you get smited. Smote? Smiten.’ Bethany opened her mouth to answer when they were interrupted by a messenger.

‘Lady Hawke? Ambassador Montilyet has requested you in the war room, please.’

‘Of course.’ Bethany handed Sera the bow, thanked her, and turned to the messenger. ‘Did she say what it was for?’ she asked him as he turned to leave.

‘She didn’t, Lady Hawke. She only asked me to send you to her.’

‘All right. Thank you.’ The messenger nodded, then trotted off on his next errand as Bethany made her way up to the keep. The great hall was mostly empty - the work on the room had finished a week ago, and it was looking suitably presentable for an organization such as theirs - and Bethany made her way through to the new war room with ease. She knocked on the heavy oak door, and it was a minute before it was opened to admit her. Commander Cullen was standing on the other side, his face positively stormy. ‘Commander,’ she greeted him. ‘Is everything all right?’ He opened the door further without a word, and she entered the room, casting him a curious look as she did. She turned to face the room as he closed the door firmly behind her, and was surprised to see a familiar face waiting for her. ‘Anders!’ she gasped, coming to a halt for a brief moment before stepping forward quickly to wrap him in a firm hug.

‘Oh, it’s good to see a friendly face,’ he sighed into her hair as he returned her embrace.

‘Enough,’ Leliana interrupted, her voice cold. ‘I have spared this criminal for the time being out of respect to you, Lady Hawke, but he had better have a very good reason for being here.’

‘I’m certain he does,’ Bethany replied, stepping away from Anders embrace but reaching down to grab his hand. 

‘I do,’ Anders agreed. ‘I have some information that could help the Inquisition.’

‘Out with it then,’ Cullen demanded. ‘And then we can discuss the punishment for your crimes.’

‘Please, Commander-’ Bethany began, but Anders held up a quelling hand.

‘I accept what I did,’ he said quietly. ‘But please, hear what I have to say first.’ Leliana and Cullen both nodded stiffly. Josephine, who wasn’t as close to the situation as they were, was standing impassively with her writing board at the ready, prepared to take down what Anders had to say.  ‘I’ve managed to track down information on the source of the Calling. The Wardens all across Orlais and Ferelden - those of us who are left, anyways - have been hearing it, which is unprecedented, but it’s fake. Corypheus has found a way to trigger the Calling for all Wardens, and it’s caused a panic. He’s using this to get the Wardens to do his bidding.’ 

There was a silence in the war room, until Bethany asked, hesitantly, ‘But what can be done?’ Anders sighed.

‘This is why I came to the Inquisition,’ he replied, looking very, very weary. ‘I believe that Warden Commander Cousland has the means to end the Calling. I know she’s been working on a way to eradicate the Calling altogether. It’s where I was headed when Garrett and I parted ways.’

‘You expect to just be able to talk to Queen Elissa?’ Leliana demanded, sounding as scandalized as she was angry.

‘I shouldn’t have,’ Anders admitted. ‘I should have known it wouldn’t be that easy. I wasn’t able to speak with her. Which I why I came here. I’m hoping that you’ll be able to either gain me an audience, or that the Inquisitor would be able to speak with her.’

‘The Inquisitor sent word to us this morning,’ Josephine interjected. ‘She won’t return for another week.’

‘Can Anders stay until Elanna gets back?’ Bethany asked, looking around the room. Leliana looked openly hostile, and Cullen’s expression was positively murderous. ‘Please?’ she implored, voice softening. ‘I...I’ll explain everything that happened with the Chantry.’ 

‘Bethy,’ Anders warned, but Bethany shooed him down.

‘Anders, it’s fine.’ She sighed, then turned to speak directly to Cullen. ‘Anders wasn’t alone in blowing up the Chantry. We all helped him.’ Cullen’s jaw dropped, and he stared at her for a moment before drawing himself up, face thunderous. ‘He couldn’t have done it alone, and he couldn’t slip anything past Garrett. So we all worked out a plan. I had a friend within the templars, who would escort me to the Chantry, under the pretense of prayer. Garrett’s friend Sebastian spent most of his time in there, he would have suspected something if Garrett or Anders were in there too much. I learned the sisters’ patterns, who was where, and when. Garrett and Anders used that information to...to plant the explosives.’ Bethany took a deep breath, dropping her gaze from Cullen’s. ‘Garrett managed to convince most of the sisters to get out of the Chantry, or at least out of the front, where we planted them. The only person we wanted in there was Grand Cleric Elthina.’

‘Ten people died, Lady Hawke,’ Cullen ground out.

‘Yes,’ Bethany murmured. ‘That was...regrettable. But the number of casualties could have been far higher.’

‘And ten people is nothing compared to the mage lives lost to the Gallows,’ Anders pointed out, voice tight.

‘Anders, please.’ He subsided, but Bethany could tell he was ready and willing to say more. ‘Yes, ten people died, and one of them was the Grand Cleric. But she and everyone else in the Chantry had turned a blind eye to our suffering. Meredith had requested the Right of Annulment. Did you know that?’ Cullen’s gaze faltered slightly.

‘There were...rumors, that she wished to,’ he admitted reluctantly. ‘But that doesn’t-’

‘They weren’t just rumors, Commander. Even before our actions sparked the rebellion, she had requested the Right directly from the Divine. She hated mages. She wanted us all dead. We knew that destroying the Chantry would cause her to invoke it, which would spark outrage. It was the only way to get the rest of the mages to fight back. We instigated rebellion to save the mages, to bring to light Meredith’s insanity.’

‘You did not have to kill the Grand Cleric!’ Cullen practically shouted, and Bethany took an instinctive step back. Years of living surrounded by the oppression of primarily male templars had garnered a deep-seated fear of men’s raised voices. He looked contrite for half a second, but his anger took over again instantly.

‘Do you think Meredith could have gotten as far as she did without the knowledge and compliance of the Chantry?’ Bethany demanded, rallying again. ‘Do you think Elthina and the rest were unaware of what was happening? Meredith couldn’t have gotten away with it if the Chantry didn’t allow her to! Ten deaths are on our hands, but thousands of deaths are on theirs!’ 

Silence fell on the war room as everyone stared at Bethany. Anders had a slight smile on his face, Josephine was contemplative, and Cullen and Leliana looked shaken. 

‘I wish there could have been another way,’ Bethany admitted. ‘But this was the only way we could get immediate results. If we hadn’t acted as we did, when we did, all of the mages in Kirkwall would have been executed, simply for how we were born.’ Cullen stared at her, stone-faced, then let out a gusty breath.

‘Anders may stay,’ he said, voice low and a little grudging. ‘At least until the Inquisitor returns. Then she may decide what to do with him.’

‘Thank you, Commander,’ Bethany murmured. He nodded once, then turned and stalked out of the war room without another word.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

‘It was a huge risk you took, coming here.’ Anders and Bethany were ensconced in Bethany’s private room later that night - a small space on the level beneath the main hall, near the kitchens - as Bethany thought that it was too risky to allow Anders to wander around Skyhold freely. The people of Skyhold probably wouldn’t recognize him right away, but once word got around that the apostate who blew up the Kirkwall Chantry was in their midst, it was only a matter of time before they realized who the newcomer was. Anders had protested against kicking Bethany out of her bed, but she insisted that not only was it safer, but she had no problem sharing the bed if he didn’t. He agreed reluctantly, and Bethany could tell that he was both too tired to argue further, and secretly excited over the prospect of a real bed.

‘I knew what I was getting myself into,’ he murmured with a slight smile, half asleep already. ‘Justice wasn’t pleased with it, but thankfully I’m still the one in control.’ Bethany chuckled and smoothed his hair back from his forehead.

‘Get some sleep, Anders,’ she whispered. ‘How long has it been since you’ve slept in a real bed?’

‘Too long,’ he sighed, his breath evening out and his face relaxing. ‘Far too long.’ And then he was asleep, looking far more peaceful than Bethany had ever seen him.

Bethany sighed, smoothed his hair back again, then stood up from the bed and left the room, sealing the door with a lock spell, just in case. She made her way through the dark stone hallway, playing with her fingers nervously. She hoped that Anders’s mission worked out the way they hoped it would - if it didn’t, he would have taken such a great risk for nothing. But he seemed determined, and Ellana was reasonable. There was a chance that they could work it out. 

She hadn’t realized how late it was, since her little room had no windows, so she was surprised to find it completely dark out when she stepped out of the main hall onto the parapet walk. She hesitated a moment, but she could see a light shining through Commander Cullen’s window, so she took a deep breath and made her way across the stone bridge to knock on his door.

There was no answer, but the door was slightly ajar, so she pushed it open, then immediately ducked when something flew past her head to shatter against the wall next to the door.

‘Maker’s breath!’ Cullen exclaimed. ‘I didn’t hear you come in. I….’ He let out a frustrated breath. Once Bethany got her bearings back, she saw him standing at his desk, leaning heavily onto his hands. He looked...rough. Bethany had never seen him looking so terrible, so very pale, with dark circles under his eyes. It had only been about four hours since she had seen him, but the difference was immense - and worrying. He reached up to scrub a hand across his eyes, and the one supporting him on the desk crumpled.

‘Commander!’ she exclaimed, rushing forward to grab his arm and help him sit back into his chair.

‘I’m fine, Lady Hawke,’ he protested irritably. ‘I’m fine.’

‘You are not,’ she said firmly. ‘Sit down and let me look at you.’ He started to argue, and she gave him a stern look. ‘Healer’s orders,’ she said firmly, and he shut his mouth. She checked his pulse - elevated - his eyes - a little bloodshot from lack of sleep, and slightly glassy with pain - and his temperature - high - while he sat, silently fuming. His hands were shaking. She stood up and crossed the office to his bookshelf, upon which sat the jug of cider she had left in there for him. It was fuller than it should have been. He must not have been drinking it, which probably meant he wasn’t sleeping. She poured it into the cup and waited a moment until the liquid was heated through, then went back to his desk and pressed the cup into his shaking hands. He set it down on his desk, and when Bethany went to protest, he held up one hand.

‘I understand...why you did what you did.’ This surprised her into shutting her mouth. ‘I don’t agree with it. I will never agree with your methods. But...I cannot rightfully deny that the situation in Kirkwall was out of hand, and your actions pushed us into the collision that was bound to happen anyways. Knight-Commander Meredith was driven insane, and we let it happen. Nothing I can say will change that. Hundreds of lives were saved by what you did, whether I agree with the action or not.’ He let out a long breath, then picked up the cup and took a drink. Unsure what to say, Bethany walked around the desk and sank into the chair in front of it.

‘As I said in the war room,’ she began slowly, looking down at her hands in her lap, ‘I regret how things transpired. But the...the situation was so dire...we genuinely didn’t know how else we could achieve it. Nothing smaller would have gotten enough attention.’ Commander Cullen listened patiently as she spoke, his face carefully impassive. He nodded when she finished speaking. 

‘Thank you for explaining, Lady Hawke. That event, almost more than any of the others, has haunted me since Kirkwall.’ She nodded, perplexed. Perhaps seeing the confusion on her face, he elaborated. ‘I saw...more in Kirkwall than I’ve let on,’ he admitted. ‘I knew that it was only a matter of time before some catastrophe or other struck. I saw the aftermath and I...I want nothing more to do with that life.’ Bethany nodded - if nothing else, she knew what it was like to need to move on.

‘If I may…?’ she began, and he nodded. ‘What was it that you threw at the wall?’ She gestured back towards the door she had come in through, and his face reddened, his expression turning to one of shame.

‘I had...ah...I had kept my lyrium kit,’ he admitted. ‘Just in case. In case my withdrawals made it impossible for me to do my job as Commander. The Inquisition comes before my personal health.’ Bethany opened her mouth to protest, but he held up a hand to stop her. ‘I spoke with Cassandra today about resigning my commission. I feel I...that I...am not at my best, perhaps, and that it would be to the benefit of the Inquisition to hire another to take my place. She refused and, I will admit, my anger and frustration got the better of me. I-’ He paused and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. ‘I will not give less to the Inquisition than I did to the Chantry.’ He took another breath before opening his eyes. ‘That was when you entered my office, in a...a moment of weakness. I am sorry. Had I heard you enter, I never would have-’

‘It’s all right,’ she interrupted softly. ‘At least now you won’t have that temptation, yes?’ The corner of his mouth quirked up slightly. ‘I think it would be beneficial to you to take a few days off. I know that you’re terribly busy,’ she said, holding up a quelling hand when he tried to argue, ‘but you’ll be able to perform your duties far better if you are well-rested. Ellana returns next week, so I would like you to take some of that time to just rest. I can let Leliana, Josephine, and Cassandra know, and the three of them can take care of your duties until you can return.’ He looked like he wanted to argue again, so Bethany said, ‘And I can check on you daily, to make sure you’re resting, if you think it would help.’

‘That won’t be necessary,’ he assured her. ‘I may not wish to admit it, but a day or two of rest would be...beneficial.’ Bethany nodded, then stood up and turned to leave. ‘Might my healer allow me to continue reading reports?’ he asked as she left. She turned and looked over her shoulder to see him smiling at her, looking tired but optimistic. 

‘I suppose,’ she agreed, smiling back. ‘But have your messengers do all your running, have your seconds do your training, and do nothing more strenuous than reading reports. Understood?’

‘Yes, ma’am,’ he agreed, sounding almost cheeky.

‘Good. Good night, Commander.’

‘Good night, Lady Hawke.’ Bethany left, but Cullen continued to stare at the door she had just left through, his expression strangely wistful. With a heavy sigh, he turned to the stack of reports waiting for him.

\-----

The next day was Bethany’s first day off for the week, so she took Anders around Skyhold, showing him where she now found herself living. Much like when Garrett had visited, she and Anders ended up in the courtyard garden, sitting on a mostly-hidden bench in a back corner, away from prying eyes. Thankfully no one had seemed to recognize him, and Bethany hoped that this meant that no one would. Anders needed some peace in his life, if only for a little while. They had made a quick stop in the library, so rather than talking the two of them sat in comfortable silence, reading. Occasionally one of them would read aloud a passage from their book, but other than that they sat peacefully, both relieved to find a moment of peace and quiet.

This was how they passed the week until Ellana returned. Anders joined her in the infirmary when she had work, he watched on as Sera continued teaching her how to shoot a bow (politely refraining from laughing at how often she was still clumsy), and they spent the rest of their free time reading together in the garden.

It was peaceful, and by the end of it, Anders looked healthier than Bethany had ever seen him.

Precisely one week after Anders arrived, Ellana and the rest returned to Skyhold. Bethany and Anders ran down to the lower yard to meet them, both of them practically bouncing with anticipation. Garrett let out a yell as soon as he saw them, and he jumped down from his horse before he’d even made it all the way through the gate, running forward and grabbing Anders into a tight hug.

‘Don’t you ever leave me again!’ he laughed, planting what looked like a very sloppy kiss on the blonde man’s mouth. ‘Do you know how worried I’ve been? So worried I could barely eat!’

‘That’s a bigger lie than any I’ve ever told,’ Varric interjected with a laugh, sliding down from his own mount. ‘Hey, Blondie, it’s good to see you.’

‘Hullo, Varric,’ Anders greeted him, extricating himself gently from Garrett’s tight embrace and passing him off to Bethany. ‘I’ve missed you.’

‘Yeah, yeah. Now, c’mon, I’m hungry.’ The four of them turned to head back up to the keep, but were stopped by Ellana’s voice behind them.

‘One moment,’ she called, hopping down from her hart lithely. ‘Before I can just let you go, I would like to see Garrett and Anders in the war room, please.’

‘Yes, of course,’ Anders replied smoothly. ‘We’ll meet you up there, Inquisitor?’ Ellana nodded, said a quick hello to Bethany, then bounded up the stone stairs two at a time. Her seemingly limitless energy never ceased to amaze Bethany. 

‘Well, I’m still hungry,’ Varric said as Garrett and Anders followed Ellana. ‘Come grab a bite with me, Sunshine?’

‘I could eat,’ Bethany agreed absently, her smile a little distracted as she watched Garrett and Anders make their way up to the keep, fingers intertwined and heads close together as they walked. She knew that Ellana was fair, and she didn’t have any religious prejudice towards the actions they had taken in Kirkwall, but she still couldn’t help but worry at how she would take what they did. She couldn’t deny, after all, that there had been casualties. 

‘Hey,’ Varric said, touching her elbow lightly to get her attention. ‘They’ll be fine. Her Inquisitorialness is fair, and a lot more even-tempered than Commander Curly or Seeker.’ Bethany sighed and drew herself up to her full height, squaring her shoulders. ‘Besides, I don’t know that she can really do anything about it. This happened in the Marches, after all. Not Ferelden.’

‘Yes,’ she agreed. ‘They’ll be fine. C’mon, Varric, let’s go find something to eat.’

\-----

Her worries turned out to be for naught, and Anders was allowed to stay with the Inquisition. Leliana, Cullen, and Cassandra seemed none too pleased with Ellana’s decision, but none of them openly expressed any displeasure. Bethany’s pleasure was marred somewhat by Ellana announcing that she and Garrett would be heading to the Western Approach in two day’s time, but she put that out of her mind to enjoy their company while she could. It wasn’t technically her day off, but she arranged things with her healers so that she could spend time with her brother before he ran off again.

The day after Garrett and Varric got back, the four of them found themselves sitting in the courtyard garden, playing Wicked Grace around the table where Commander Cullen and Dorian often played chess. 

‘This is an entirely different game without Isabela’s horrendous cheating,’ Bethany observed, earning a laugh from the others.

‘She never cheated,’ Garrett corrected, grinning. ‘She just used alternative rules.’ 

‘Well, her  _ alternative rules _ won her an awful lot of gold,’ Anders pointed out, and everyone grumbled good-naturedly - all of them had lost at least a little gold to the pirate captain’s rather...imaginative interpretation of the game. They laid out their hands; Bethany won that round and gleefully gathered up the rocks and acorns they had been using as currency. She was dealing out the next hand when Commander Cullen approached their table and cleared his throat respectfully. Bethany sighed through her nose, closing her eyes - she wanted just one day where there were no interruptions, where she could relax with her brother and their friends with no thoughts of demons or darkspawn or rifts. 

‘How can we help you, Commander?’ Garrett inquired, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms behind his head. As always when the Commander was around he was very civil, but he had a mischievous, predatory gleam in his eyes. 

‘The Inquisitor has requested your presence in the war room,’ he said politely, if a bit stiffly. ‘Anders, and Lady Hawke as well.’

‘And you came to fetch us yourself?’ Garrett asked archly. Bethany shot him a look as the Commander’s face and neck flushed red, but he studiously avoided her gaze, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth as he unfolded from his chair and stood up, sweeping a dramatic bow. ‘At your command, Commander.’

‘Garrett, please,’ Bethany sighed, standing as well and shaking her head at her brother. ‘Of course we’d be happy to join you in the war room, Commander.’

‘Thank you, Lady Hawke,’ he said gratefully, the flush receding somewhat. Bethany, Anders, and Garrett followed him through the garden, waving to Varric as they went. Bethany could guess why Anders and Garrett were being summoned, but she had no idea what her part in this could be.

‘Oh good, you found them,’ Ellana said briskly once the four of them gathered in the war room and the door closed behind them. ‘Now, Garrett, the final preparations are in place, and we’re ready to leave at first light tomorrow.’ Garrett nodded in agreement. Bethany carefully composed her face to not show the disappointment she felt so keenly. ‘Anders, when Leliana sent me word of your mission, I had her send a raven to Queen Elissa in Redcliffe. We finally heard back from her, and she’s granted you an audience in one week’s time. We’ll send a small detachment of soldiers to ensure your safe passage.’

‘Thank you, Inquisitor.’ Anders bowed his head, and Bethany was probably the only one to notice the slight sagging of his shoulders that was the only outward show of relief.

‘Bethany.’ Bethany turned back to Ellana, at full attention. ‘I believe we’ll be fine without a healer on this particular mission, but I would like you to ready your healers for whatever comes next. From what we’ve gathered, I feel that something far more dangerous is close at hand, and I want to be as ready for it as possible. Should something happen, I want you and your best healers to be ready at a moment’s notice.’

Bethany nodded. ‘I’ll start a list of things for Lady Montilyet to order, and I’ll begin packing what I can. My healers and I will be ready.’

‘I know you will.’ Ellana’s serious Inquisitor face slipped and she grinned. ‘You three are dismissed. Spend tonight together, resting. I don’t know when you’ll get another chance.’

‘Thank you, Ellana,’ Bethany murmured, gesturing for Garrett and Anders to follow her out. As she passed Cullen, he made a slight move towards her and opened his mouth as if to say something, but when she paused in front of him he closed it again and merely nodded. Confused, she left the war room. If she had glanced over her shoulder, she would have seen him looking after her with a rather perplexed expression.

\-----

Despite the early morning departure, Garrett, Anders, Bethany, and Varric didn’t get much sleep that night. They stayed up as late as they were able, and then when they could stay awake no more, they all piled into Bethany’s room and slept in cozy companionship on her far-too-small bed. The next morning, before dawn, all four of them dragged themselves out of bed and trudged in silence down to the gate, where Ellana and the rest of her party were already waiting. Two stable-hands came out when they saw Garrett and Anders approaching, with two sturdy horses saddled and ready to go. The men withdrew from the others for a moment, leaning their foreheads together and talking in hushed tones. Bethany and Varric stepped away a bit further to give them some privacy. 

‘I don’t like this, Varric,’ Bethany confessed, glancing over to where Ellana was speaking with her party. ‘Too many things can go wrong, and I’ve only just gotten them back.’

‘They couldn’t be with a better team,’ Varric assured her, reaching up to pat her arm. ‘Unless I was going with, of course.’ Bethany bumped him lightly with her hip, and he chuckled as Garrett and Anders rejoined them. Ellana and the rest were mounting their horses now, signalling that it was time to them to go.

‘Well, baby sister. You be good. Keep Varric in line.’ He chucked her lightly under the chin and she made a face at him before pulling him into a tight hug.

‘You better come back to me,’ she whispered fiercely, giving the back of his shaggy hair a tug.

‘You got it, Bethy.’ He pulled away and leaned down to give Varric a hug while Bethany and Anders said their goodbyes, then the two of them turned, mounted their horses, and left.

\-----

Bethany spent the next week preparing her healers for whatever might come next. She still didn’t feel like she was as good a healer as Anders - she never would be unless she became a spirit healer and she wasn’t sure she wanted to do that - but she was confident enough in her abilities and those of the other healers that she had little enough teaching to do in the interim. She spent three days compiling a comprehensive list of everything they might need on the road, providing for all contingencies she could think of, and presented it to Josephine.

‘You are very thorough, Lady Hawke,” Josephine praised as she scanned the list. ‘I will send out the orders and make sure that we have everything.’

‘Thank you, Lady Montilyet.’ Bethany bowed slightly and turned to leave, almost running into the Commander as she went out the door.

‘I beg your pardon, Lady Hawke.’ His cheeks flushed red, his hand half reaching up to steady her before he stopped himself.

‘Excuse me, Commander.’ Bethany nodded and stepped back slightly to allow Commander Cullen to enter the war room, which he did after a moment’s hesitation, bowing slightly as she slipped past him.

\-----

Bethany was sitting in the courtyard garden about a week after Garrett had left, enjoying a moment of quiet in the sun. She had been going what felt like nonstop in the days since everyone had departed, readying herself, the healers who would go with her, and the healers who would stay for whatever was coming next. She was sure that she had everything in place that she possibly could - she was still waiting for several items from the orders Josephine had put in, but they would arrive soon enough - and was she was also sure that if she spent any more time taking stock, making lists, and training healers, she would end up over-analyzing everything and doubting herself. It was difficult for her, but she was forcing herself to step away from her work and take at least a short rest. She leaned her head back, resting it on the back of the bench, and closed her eyes, breathing in deeply. The sun felt wonderful, and she could almost forget for a brief moment all of the the worries that plagued her mind.

‘D’you mind if I join you, Sunshine?’ Varric’s voice broke gently through her reverie, and she cracked one eye open and turned her head as her friend hopped up onto the bench next to her. Bethany smiled slightly and reached over to pat Varric’s knee, closing her eyes.

‘Hello, Varric,’ she greeted him softly, tipping her face back up towards the sun. They sat in silence for several minutes, enjoying the warm sun.

‘You’ve changed,’ Varric mused after a while. She opened her eye again to glance over at him, but he wasn’t looking at her. 

‘How do you mean?’ she asked, though she thought she knew.

‘You’re not as soft as you used to be. You’ve got a bit more steel to you now.’

‘Well,’ she responded, ‘I’ve had to, really.’ She sighed. ‘If I’d stayed as soft and naive as I was before, I wouldn’t have made it.’

‘Oh, I don’t know about that. I don’t think you were ever as naive as you lead people to believe.’ She opened both eyes this time to look at him. He chuckled. ‘You’re sharper than you let on, Sunshine. I’ve seen you use that to get what you want more than a few times. You think I don’t know about you and Rivaini?’ Bethany blushed, but laughed. She’d have to be more naive than even  _ she  _ thought she was to think that Varric hadn’t known about her and Isabela. His room had been right across the hall, after all. ‘I think, of all of us, you’ll make it out of this shitshow the best.’

‘We’ll all make it out just fine,’ she replied, with far more conviction than she actually felt.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

While they waited for news, Bethany spent all the time she wasn’t in the infirmary continuing to learn combat from Sera. She had attempted to learn from Blackwall, but they had both learned quickly that she just wasn’t built for swinging swords. Besides, Sera’s knives, daggers, and bow were much better for carrying alongside a staff. Sera deemed her ‘good enough, for now’ at the bow, so she was teaching her the basics with a dagger she had obtained from the blacksmith (Bethany chose to believe that she had obtained it rightfully - it made her feel better about the whole thing). 

The first thing Sera taught her was to never stab her opponent unless she absolutely had to.

‘If you don’t know what you’re doing just yet you’re more like to break your wrist than the other bastard’s skin,’ she explained. Bethany nodded in concentration as Sera squared up across from her, judging her stance. ‘No, don’t hold it like that,’ she corrected, adjusting Bethany’s grip on the handle and then how she was holding her wrist. ‘Don’t lock your wrist up or it’ll snap. Do more damage to you than the other guy, yeah?’ Bethany nodded again. ‘Right, you wanna keep your arms close, no swinging wide or you leave yourself open. Like as not you won’t need to use your dagger except to sting a little bit until you can hit them with some of your magicky shite, so I’ll just show you how to block ‘em and get out.’

They worked diligently whenever Bethany was able, and Sera deemed her better at the dagger than at the bow. She gave her the dagger they had been working with - a silvery, leaf-shaped blade with a blue leather-wrapped hilt - since by now Bethany was used to the weight and feel of it. Bethany honestly hoped that she’d never have to use it, but she knew that it was better to have it and know how to wield it than somehow find herself without magic, whether because she lost her staff or was smited by a Templar. 

The Circle had, of course, forbidden learning defensive magic, but her father had given her the basics, and she had taught herself some more on the road to Kirkwall. That had turned out to come in handy during their life in Lowtown, as well, since being in Garrett Hawke’s company seemed to bring about all sorts of trouble. But Bethany had always been a healer at heart, and combat magic had never really come naturally to her, no matter how much Merrill tried to teach her (Merrill’s defensive spells were much more attuned to nature and the elven magics, anyways). Still, between her own knowledge and Sera’s teachings she felt herself well equipped to handle herself should the need arise. 

\-----

‘Lady Hawke! To what do I owe this honor?’ Commander Cullen half-stood from his desk as Bethany entered his office when bid to do so. 

‘I’ve noticed lately that you haven’t been looking well, Commander,’ she said without preamble. She had rehearsed that sentence over and over in her head as she made her way to his office from the infirmary. His eyes widened as he sat back down, and his mouth popped open, a mixture of surprise and something for a moment looked like hope flickering across his face. ‘I know that you are very busy at the moment, and it would be pointless of me to tell you to take a break-’ He half-laughed, but didn’t argue, ‘-but I thought I might offer at least a brief respite.’

‘I appreciate the concern, Lady Hawke, but I assure you I’m quite well.’ She gave him a  _ look _ and he sighed, the corner of his mouth twitching up and tugging at the scar there. ‘But I suppose I would be a fool to turn down help so readily offered.’ He made a show of putting down his quill and stacking up his papers, then he sat back in his chair.

‘What did you have in mind?’ he asked once he was settled. 

‘Well, for tonight I can use my magic to manipulate the knots in your neck and back to hopefully offer some relief for sleep. Then for tomorrow I have an experimental potion I would like you to try.’

‘Experimental?’ He sounded doubtful.

‘It’s something Adan has been working on, for our soldiers who don’t get injured enough to be out of the fight, but are still in pain and need to be able to fight.’ He still looked skeptical, but intrigued. ‘We’ve already tested it for safety, but I thought you might like to be the first to try it for its intended purpose. Make sure it will work before we start giving it to your men.’ His expression cleared at that, and he nodded.

‘Yes, I think that would be a good idea,’ he agreed. ‘I don’t want to be giving my soldiers anything I wouldn’t take myself.’ Bethany smiled - she had figured that would be his answer. She pulled a vial out of the pocket of her robes and set it on his desk.

‘This is enough for three days,’ she told him, tapping the cork. ‘Take one third of it when you get up in the morning, and by the time you’ve gotten ready it should have taken effect.’ 

‘I think I can manage that.’

‘Good. Now, I need you to relax, and I’ll work on your neck, just like I did before.’ He took off his armor quickly and methodically, laying it neatly on the floor. She came around behind him, and at his nod, put her hands to his neck. 

Rather than massage his neck like she had last time, she used her magic to  _ feel _ the knots in his muscles - and there were plenty to feel. Once located, she sent gentle tendrils of heat to wrap around each knot, and she could visibly see him relaxing under her touch. 

Soon enough, his breathing grew deeper and steadier, until he was practically asleep under her hands, his head slumped forwards over his chest. 

‘I don’t know that I’ve ever felt this relaxed,’ he murmured after several long, silent minutes. His voice was low and raspy, and he sounded on the edge of sleep.

‘You’ve needed it,’ she replied softly. He hummed his agreement, and they both fell quiet again, until Bethany asked before she really thought about it, ‘How did you get that scar?’

This startled a laugh out of him, and his shoulders shook briefly beneath her hands. ‘Your brother, actually,’ he confessed, then chuckled again when he felt her hands pull away in surprise. ‘It must have been shortly after you had left Kirkwall. I had asked him where you were - nothing nefarious, I assure you, I was merely trying to put my city back together and thought you could help - and I’m afraid I was a bit more...persistent than Garrett liked. He punched me in the face, and his gauntlet left this.’

‘Oh, Maker,’ she groaned, rubbing her face in frustration. ‘Commander, I’m sorry-’

‘Don’t be,’ he interrupted, turning slightly in his desk chair to try and look at her. ‘I absolutely deserved it.’ 

‘Still,’ she sighed, putting her hands back to his neck, ‘he shouldn’t have done that.’ 

‘Maybe not,’ he agreed amiably, shrugging. ‘But I should have known better than to mess with the Champion of Kirkwall’s sister.’

\-----

Two and a half weeks after the Inquisition party left, Bethany was called to the war room. She took a moment to steady herself, sitting at her desk in the infirmary. She knew what this meeting was about - there was only one reason that Leliana and the Commander would call her to the room unscheduled. 

She wiped her hands on her robes, trying to quell the slight nervous tremor, and stood, calling out a quick farewell to Clarissa as she left. She walked as quickly as she could through the garden, the main hall, and Josephine’s office, her mind racing. Not bothering to knock, she let herself into the war room and was greeted by the sight of Josephine, Leliana, and Commander Cullen standing around the strategy table, presumably waiting for her. 

‘You’ve received word from Ellana,’ she said once the door had closed. 

‘Yes,’ Leliana replied grimly. ‘The Wardens have taken over Adamant Fortress, in the Western Approach. They’re sacrificing their own wardens to summon an army of demons.’ Bethany felt bile rise in her throat, and she swallowed convulsively. 

‘Ellana and a small contingent of Inquisition soldiers have camped a safe distance from the fortress, where they can keep an eye on things until we arrive,’ Cullen informed her, looking so ragged it was as if she hadn’t administered to him at all the week before. ‘We leave tomorrow - please gather your healers and your supplies and be ready to leave by dawn. We have no time to waste.’ 

‘The last of the supplies you requested arrived yesterday and have been packed on the wagons,’ Josephine interjected, her eyes scanning what was, presumably, the list Bethany had given to her. 

‘We will be ready to leave first thing tomorrow,’ Bethany promised, her voice blessedly steady. 

‘Excellent,’ Leliana said briskly, turning back to look at the table. Bethany took this as a dismissal, and with a quick nod to Commander Cullen, she turned to leave. 

‘Josie, send out messages with my fastest ravens,’ Leliana was saying as Bethany left. ‘Contact our allies for additional troops and ammunition, and arrange those trebuchets you mentioned.’ The war room door closed behind her, cutting off the sound. Bethany had never noticed before, but the door must have been magically soundproofed. She ran through her mental checklist as she hurried back to the infirmary, going over everything and everyone she would need for the journey. She had gone over her written list a thousand times in the last two weeks, but she couldn’t help but feel that she was going to forget something vitally important. She twisted her hands into the folds of her robe so no one would detect the slight tremble, and shouldered open the infirmary door. 

Clarissa glanced up at her entrance, and did a double take when she saw the expression on Bethany’s face.

‘It’s time, isn’t it?’ she asked resignedly. Bethany nodded wordlessly. Clarissa took a deep breath, closing her eyes, then stood up from the desk and brushed her hands off on her tunic. ‘Well, that’s that, then. When do we leave?’ 

‘First thing tomorrow. We’re heading to the Western Approach.’ The other healers in the room had been listening intently to their exchange and Bethany heard several gasps and murmurs at that announcement. The Western Approach was completely foreign to most of them. Before Haven had been destroyed, Bethany was sure, most of them hadn’t even made it across the Frostbacks. 

This might as well be a trip to the moons. Bethany knew it was beyond her control, but she still felt responsible for taking them so far away from their homes.

\-----

Bethany wasn’t sure whether or not she actually got any sleep that night. She certainly didn’t get any rest, too preoccupied with anxiety and nerves to get any kind of useful slumber. She stumbled out of bed far before dawn, giving up on her fitful bursts of unconsciousness to pull on her warm robes and make her way down to the stables. The medical supplies had been packed up and brought down the night before, to save having to scramble and make sure everything was there before leaving, but she wanted to double check - triple, quadruple check, really - that all of the things she could possibly need were in the wagons. 

‘I can never sleep before an operation, either.’ The voice was soft, but Bethany jumped anyways, not expecting to hear anyone down there with her at this hour. She turned towards the speaker, and Commander Cullen stepped out of the shadows, looking contrite. ‘My apologies, Lady Hawke, I didn’t mean to startle you.’

‘It’s all right,’ she whispered back, composing herself so as to not show how hard her heart was pounding. Her nerves were wound so tightly that even that small scare had set her immediately on high alert. ‘I was only making sure we have everything we need.’ Blessedly, Cullen didn’t point out that she had done the same thing the night before. ‘Do you think….’ She hesitated, unsure whether she should ask this rather vulnerable question. The Commander waited patiently for her to continue. ‘Will we be all right? I mean...all of us have faced so much, but this feels different.’ She felt kind of silly for pointing out what was probably obvious, but Cullen nodded in understanding. 

‘It always feels different when you have to travel so far to meet your enemy,’ he told her, his voice weary. ‘There are so many things that can go wrong even before we reach the fighting, too many variables we have to consider….’ He paused, taking a deep breath, and Bethany realized she had been holding hers. She let out her breath as unobtrusively as possible. ‘But we are well trained, and we will be receiving updates and instructions from Ellana the entire journey, thanks to your friend Anders’s trick with the ravens.’ To his credit, he barely winced when saying Anders’s name - Bethany took this as a sign of progress towards forgiveness. ‘I don’t think we could ever be fully prepared for something like this, but we are as prepared as possible under the circumstances.’

Both of them fell quiet then, and Bethany sank down onto a nearby barrel, listening to the night’s sounds - the horses whickering softly in the stables behind them, the distant metallic noises of the guards making their rounds on the battlements, the mountain breeze gently rustling the trees. It was peaceful and relaxing, and Bethany was nodding off before she realized it. 

She woke with a start as the fortress was starting to waken, just as the sun was breaking over the Frostbacks. Commander Cullen was nowhere to be seen, but Bethany was no longer sitting on the barrel, instead finding herself quite comfortably settled into a pile of hay in the barn next to the stables. She hoisted herself up out of the hay and brushed herself off before going out to join everyone as they readied to go. 

They set off in the weak morning light, seemingly emptying Skyhold as they left. Bethany, her healers, and their wagons were situated in the very center of the march - Leliana had explained that they would be safest there, since the healers were, for the most part, non-combatants, and their healing supplies were the most vulnerable. They were surrounded on all sides by soldiers, with the Iron Bull and his Chargers marching directly ahead of them. Bethany hadn’t had much contact with Bull since she had first arrived at Haven, and frankly the hulking Qunari intimidated the life out of her. 

They had only been marching for about two hours, but Bethany already felt like it had been days. It was completely different marching with a large company than it was traveling with her mages, and she knew that the next two weeks were going to be long ones.

About four hours into the trek, one of the Chargers - Bethany thought it was maybe Krem, the one she was most familiar with - struck up a marching song that Bethany recognized. Her father had taught Bethany and her brothers lots of songs during the many times they had moved - this one in particular was a traditional song from the Denerim area that Malcolm had picked up from a trader somewhere near Redcliffe. Listening to the Chargers Bethany was quietly surprised that she remembered all the words. As she hummed along, something about this little pocket of normalcy struck her rather harshly. Here they were, miles from home with so many more still to go, traveling towards Maker only knew what, singing a song she hadn’t heard since she was a child. She shoved this thought down and raised her voice to join in on the second verse, content for the moment to pretend everything was going to be fine. 


	17. Chapter Seventeen

Adamant rose before them, tall and imposing. It was beautiful, in a way - the white stone walls topped with once-grand crenellations and bronze statues, all now pockmarked from past assaults, the towers soaring with a kind of harsh grace, the whole fortress surrounded by siege weapons and soldiers. Staring up at it, Bethany was reminded strongly of the first time she had seen the Kirkwall Gallows - it had that same stark, terrifying beauty that she didn’t want to look at for too long. She turned her attention instead to Skyhold’s troops, who were moving into position while Commander Cullen barked orders. 

Bethany dismounted, and once her healers had done the same they began the process of setting up the medical station in the spot designated to them. The tents were set up in no time, and the cots and tables followed suit. Once the potions and supplies were set out, Bethany looked around for something to do, twisting her hands nervously when she realized the rest of her job would be to just sit back and wait for the injured to start filtering their way. Every part of her rebelled against that, against cooling her heels while others were out fighting, getting injured, and dying. 

‘Baby sister!’ She swung around at the sound of Garrett’s voice, just in time to be swept up in a crushing, sweaty hug.

‘Why are you already sweaty?’ she asked, laughing to hide just how relieved she was to see him.

‘It’s a lot of work, standing around in the sun all day waiting for everyone to show up.’ She shoved his shoulder and he laughed, the sound out of place in the rather somber environment. She caught a flash of green over his shoulder, which brought her attention to Ellana, who was standing a few yards away talking to Commander Cullen and a mustachioed man who must have been Warden Stroud, judging by his armor. Varric stood a little ways away from that group, talking to Cassandra and looking more serious than Bethany was used to seeing him. 

‘How does it look in there?’ she asked quietly, turning her attention back to her brother. His expression sobered, and he pulled her a little away from her healers. 

‘It doesn’t look great, Bethy,’ he admitted. ‘The Wardens are harboring a Magister, Erimond, who’s convinced them to sacrifice their own Wardens to summon demons. He’s definitely working for Corypheus, but the Wardens are too frightened to see it. We’re going to have a hell of a fight ahead of us before we can right this.’ Bethany took a deep, shaky breath.

‘Well,’ she said, her voice quavering only slightly, ‘we really need to get a move on, then.’

‘We?’ he said sharply. ‘Oh no, you’re staying out here with the rest of the healers.’ Bethany felt her face flush, and she took another deep breath to steady herself.

‘I can’t just stay out here and wait for the dying to be sent back to me,’ she said in a low voice. ‘You should know that, Garrett. I can’t just let people do all the fighting for me.’ He opened his mouth to protest, but she cut him off. ‘It’s not in me to sit back, you should know this. Besides, you’ll probably need a mage in there for quick healing in the fight, right?’ He closed his mouth so hard she could almost hear his teeth crack together. ‘You know I’m right,’ she said, jabbing her finger mostly-playfully into his chest.

‘Let’s ask Ellana,’ he replied, the words clearly paining him. ‘Since, as your big brother who loves you, I clearly have no authority, we’ll check with someone who does. If she tells you to stay here, will you?’ 

‘If Ellana tells me to stay here and wait then I will,’ she agreed with a nod. Garrett nodded as well, then grabbed her hand and led her over to the Inquisitor.

Commander Cullen, Ellana, and Warden Stroud all stopped talking when they saw the Hawkes approaching, and Ellana greeted them with a distracted smile. ‘Ellana, can I have a second?’ Garrett asked, then continued when she nodded her agreement. ‘My darling sister here is insisting that she come in with us and join the fighting. She says that we’ll need a healer in there.’

Ellana turned to study Bethany, her big elf eyes almost luminous in the firelight. ‘You want to be in there with us?’

‘I can’t just sit and wait, Ellana,’ Bethany said softly. Commander Cullen opened his mouth, probably to protest, but Ellana held up a hand, still studying Bethany’s face closely.

‘We could use a healer or two in there,’ Ellana finally agreed thoughtfully. ‘Do you have one or two more who could go with our other groups?’

‘Yes, of course,’ Bethany said immediately. ‘I have at least two other healers I could spare from the tent who are trained in combat as well.’

‘Good.’ Ellana nodded firmly and the matter was settled. ‘Bethany, you go with Cullen and his soldiers. Go gather your other healers and bring them back here - once we get them with their groups we’ll begin.’ Bethany nodded shortly and turned to run back to the healing tents, squeezing Garrett’s arm as she passed him. Within ten minutes Bethany and two of her healers were with their respective groups of soldiers, ready to storm the castle, as it were. Commander Cullen cast her one more look, obviously wanting to say something, but she quirked one eyebrow at him and he subsided with a sigh before turning back to his troops.

‘Soldiers!’ he called, and every one of them turned their attention to him. ‘You are about to face a foe greater than any of you have encountered before! What waits beyond those doors is not for the faint of heart! And that is why I have chosen you! I would trust this to no one else, each and every one of you has been chosen and trained and prepared for this moment! For the Inquisitor! For the Inquisition!’

‘For the Inquisition!’ The cry was repeated along the ranks, and Bethany had to admit that he was a rousing speaker. The cheer continued as a battering ram worked to demolish the heavy oak-and-iron doors. While the doors were being battered, the trebuchets hurled flaming projectiles overhead into the fortress, and Bethany could hear a cacophony from within the walls. Some of the noises did not sound human. 

Bethany gripped her staff tightly, wishing she had one of Sera’s bows or a pair of daggers. She felt suddenly vulnerable in a way she hadn’t felt in a long time, but she steeled herself. This couldn’t be any worse than some of the things she’d seen in and around Kirkwall. And her brother and Varric were with her, on either side. It was almost like old times. 

All they needed was a dragon and the nostalgic scene would be complete.

The doors broke open with a resounding crack and a shower of splinters, then Cullen gave the signal, and they surged forward into the fortress.

The entrance was relatively empty, and the first wave was able to take care of the soldiers waiting for them with no trouble, which was almost more worrisome than if there had been an army waiting. Once the sand-covered entrance was cleared, Garrett gave Bethany’s arm a squeeze, then he and Varric ran off with a small group, signalling to Cullen that they were leaving. Bethany felt a moment of panic - this hadn’t been the plan! Garrett was supposed to be there with her. But then Ellana was there, and Cullen was shouting something, and she had to pay attention.

‘Hawke has gone ahead to the battlements to assist our soldiers until you arrive. If you can clear off the battlements to allow our soldiers on the ladders a foothold, we can cover your advance!’ Ellana nodded wordlessly, and Cullen turned back to Bethany and the soldiers. ‘Clear the path for the Inquisitor to the center of the fortress,’ he ordered, and with a fierce cry Bethany and the rest followed him through the doors Garrett had just taken off through. Bethany happened to glance up at the battlements as they ran through the door, and caught a glimpse of a dull grey, misshapen figure of a Shade, which turned what passed for a face up to the sky, opened the mouth-like hole, and shrieked. Bethany felt a shiver down her spine, which she suppressed when the much-closer cries of enemy soldiers broke through her horror. 

Bethany had been in lots of scraps before. Before she had surrendered herself to the Gallows, she had gone everywhere with Garrett, and he attracted all kinds of negative attention. But nothing she had experienced before - not even the events at Haven - could have prepared her for this.

The enemy hoards seemed endless. Bethany and the others kept advancing, and more and more Wardens and demons kept pushing back against them. It seemed impossible that they were making any difference at all, that anything they were doing was helping Ellana in any way. 

But they had to try.

This was what Bethany kept repeating to herself as she pressed forward, trying to focus on the enemy while also keeping an eye on the Inquisition troops. Twice already she had had to rush to someone’s side to quickly heal them enough for them to go on. Once she had had to send a soldier back to the gates. Once she had had to ease a soldier’s passing. Off of that man she had salvaged a pair of daggers which were clearly well cared for - she would find out who the man was when all was done and send them back to his family.

She fought in a daze, her instincts and training taking over from her thoughts. She was vaguely aware of Cullen shouting ‘Spare the Wardens if you can!’, but that directive was the only distinct voice in the din.

Bethany had no idea how long they were in the fortress when they broke through a set of iron-clad doors, into a small, once-beautiful courtyard. Bethany and the soldiers came to a halt at the scene before them - Ellana and Garrett were locked in vicious combat with an enormous pride demon while Varric and the rest were dispatching the shades still dropping out of the pulsing green rift above the ruined fountain in the center of the courtyard. Bethany quickly shook off her shock and jumped into the fray, joining her brother in taking down the hulking demon.

‘Just like old times, huh?’ Garrett shouted as Bethany shot a burst of energy into the demon’s face. She granted him a tight smile, then both of them stumbled back, falling to the ground as the pride demon swiped at them with its giant claws. Bethany scrambled to her feet, then as the beast was distracted, in a move that she hoped would make Sera proud, she crouched down, ran under his arm as he turned to swipe at Ellana, and sliced his left hamstring with the daggers she had retrieved from the fallen soldier. He let out a roar and dropped to one knee, giving Ellana enough time to step in and finish him off. Bethany heard a great screeching roar from overhead, and looked up to see a huge, black and red dragon circling the courtyard. Her jaw dropped. It was definitely bigger than the one she’d killed with Garrett.

‘Just like old times,’ she muttered under her breath.

Garrett grinned at her, then took off running after Ellana, who had sprinted up the stairs behind them as soon as the pride demon hit the ground. ‘Stay here!’ he shouted to Bethany over his shoulder. She had been planning on staying anyways - the fight seemed to be over where she was, and there were many wounded, both Inquisition and Wardens, who needed tending to. She could hear the dragon roaring and spitting fire, but she tried her best to shut it out as she hurried to the side of a soldier who’d had her abdomen sliced by a demon. Cullen was giving orders behind her, rounding the Wardens up and commanding them and his own soldiers to help the wounded. 

A great crack sounded above her, and she turned just in time to a great stone bridge crumble, and its occupants, including Garrett and Varric, tumble into the air.

‘NO!’, she shrieked, rocketing to her feet and making towards the stairs Garrett had run up, only to be stopped by Commander Cullen. As she watched, a green rift opened below the falling figures, swallowed them up, and closed with a snap and a faintly sulfurous smell.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've gotten so much positive feedback I decided to post this new chapter a few weeks early! I hope you like it! <3

‘No!’ she screamed again, fighting against Cullen’s strong grip. Tears streamed down her face, obscuring her vision as she struggled. ‘Let me go!’

‘Lady Hawke!’ Cullen barked. ‘Lady Hawke!’ Still she fought against him, trying to break free and run up the stairs to where her brother had fallen from. She didn’t know what she would do but she had to do  _ something _ . ‘Bethany!’ Cullen shook her gently and she snapped her eyes back to his face, opening her mouth to scream at him, but he cut her off. ‘There’s nothing you can do for him!’ She closed her mouth, trying to think of what she could say that would accurately express her fury. ‘Listen to me! The Inquisitor opened a rift. If I understand Solas correctly, they’ve gone to the Fade.’

‘The Fade?’ she asked weakly, turning back to stare at the place her brother had disappeared. The fight rushed out of her suddenly, and she sagged against Cullen, grabbing a hold of his armor to steady herself. Cullen’s grip around her tightened to hold her up. Garrett had told her about the time he'd gone to the Fade while they were in Kirkwall. It had not gone well, and she knew that going back to the Fade was high on the list of things he didn't want to experience again. ‘They’ll come back though, won’t they? Ellana can bring them back, right?’

‘If anyone can, it’s them,’ he said firmly. ‘The best we can do now is help those who are still here.’ He kept hold of her for a moment longer, his grip surprisingly gentle for how strong it was, and she lingered for a moment before deciding she would be able to stand on her own. 

‘Yes, of course,’ she murmured, reaching up to brush the tears from her face, then straightening and turning back to the courtyard. The scene wasn’t nearly as bad as she had anticipated, with maybe a dozen wounded who needed attention, and five dead bodies. ‘I don’t want to move most of these soldiers,’ she told Cullen, who was watching her carefully. ‘Can one of your men run down to the medical tents and bring back two healers and their supplies?’

‘Of course,’ he agreed immediately, signalling to two of his soldiers and relaying Bethany’s request while she set about distracting herself with her work.

She worked for what felt like hours, mending, stitching, and healing what she could. She was covered in blood and dirt, and her hair was a sweaty, tangled mess. 

But she had to keep working.

And when there were no more soldiers to heal in the courtyard she headed back into the fortress, a soldier Cullen had assigned to watch over her - despite her protestation - hot on her heels.

It was grueling work. Everywhere she turned, someone needed her attention. She never shied from her work, but she found herself moving slower and slower, the crushing weight of all that had happened seeming to physically press on her body. One soldier, who couldn't have been more than eighteen or nineteen, grabbed Bethany's arm as she grimly worked around a large spike in his side. She knew if she pulled it out he would be dead immediately - the spike had punctured his right lung, and as it was he was dying slowly, essentially drowning in his own bodily fluids.

'Tell my ma I love her,' he gasped, barely audible, his breath a gurgling rasp. 'Her name's Orissa, she's in Denerim. Please, miss, tell her Kelin loves her.'

'I'll tell her,' she promised, holding the young man's hand and stroking his hair as he died, then crossing his arms over his chest, wiping her eyes roughly, and moving swiftly to the next soldier.

\----

‘Miss! Lady Hawke!’

She was just finishing up tying the bandage on a Warden’s head wound, probably three hours later, when the messenger came running for her.

‘Yes, what is it?’ She stood up, brushing her hands on her robes, though both were so dirty it hardly mattered.

‘Commander Cullen asks you to come back to the courtyard please, miss. At once.’

‘Yes, of course, one moment please.’ She knelt back down to give another soldier a potion to tide him over until he could be properly healed, then signalled for one of the other healers in the area to tend to him when she had the chance. The messenger was waiting behind her when she stood and turned back, clearly impatient to fulfill his duty, so she signalled for him to lead the way, as she wasn’t sure she could find the way back by herself.

The messenger pushed open the iron doors, and there were Garrett and Varric, standing with Ellana, who seemed to have just finished some kind of speech. She felt her knees go weak with relief, then Cullen was there, offering an arm for her to hold, which she took gratefully.

‘Thank you, Commander,’ she whispered, then pulled herself and walked, as calmly as she was able, through the crowd of Inquisition and Wardens, until she was standing at Garrett’s side. He hadn’t noticed her, but when she put her hand on his arm he turned immediately. He looked so tired, far more weary than she had ever seen him before, but he took her hand and squeezed it in assurance. She could have wept with relief, but she held herself together, standing as tall as she could. The only thing giving her away was her tight grip on Garrett’s hand, and his was just as tight in return.

She couldn’t shake the thought of how close she had come to losing the last member of her family. They had always been close - closer even than she had been to Carver, at times - and after their mother had died, even though she had been in the Circle at the time, they had pulled closer together. The thought, however brief it ended up being, that she had lost him...it was too terrible to comprehend.

‘C’mon,’ Garrett whispered, and Bethany realized she had missed entirely whatever Ellana had said. She looked up at her brother, feeling like she was in a daze. He reached up and chucked her gently under her chin, then steered her back to the door, joining the crowd of Wardens and Inquisition making their way back into the fortress.

Garrett held her hand the entire way out of the fortress, and she was incredibly grateful for it. Neither of them said a word, but she knew they were both thinking the same thing - thank the Maker they still had each other.

Down in front of the main gates, the desert was teaming with Inquisition forces. Bethany could see that the medical tents were overflowing with wounded soldiers, so she gave Garrett’s hand a tug, intending that he let her go so she could resume her duties as healer, but he followed behind her, keeping hold of her hand the whole time. She was immeasurably grateful for the contact.

‘Garrett!’ Bethany and Garrett both turned at Ellana’s voice to see her jogging towards them. ‘I’m sorry, Bethany, but I need your brother for a moment. We need to discuss what happened in the Fade.’ 

‘Of course,’ Bethany agreed, letting go of Garrett’s hand reluctantly.

‘I’ll send him to you as soon as we’re finished,’ Ellana promised, seeming to sense Bethany’s hesitation.

‘Thank you, Ellana,’ Bethany said with a slight smile. The Inquisitor was far more intuitive than she initially let on. ‘I’ll be in the medical tent - there are lots of wounded to see to.’ Garrett pulled her into a quick hug, kissing the top of her head, and she embraced him back fiercely before letting go and turning to walk towards the tents.

‘Lady Hawke!’ Bethany turned to her right to see Commander Cullen jogging up to her, looking concerned. ‘Are you all right?’

‘Yes, of course,’ she replied, confused. 

‘I just...I thought maybe...with Garrett and everything….’ She had rarely ever seen the Commander flounder with his words like that, and she looked up at him in confusion.

‘I’ll be fine, Commander. Garrett is safe. I’m well.’ Cullen seemed to let out a caught breath, and his hand reached up almost of its own accord, as if to brush a lock of her sweaty, dirty hair from her face before he caught himself and scrubbed the hand through his own hair instead.

‘I’m glad, Lady Hawke,’ he said quietly, his hand drifting down to rest on the pommel of his sword, and then back up to rub the back of his neck. He seemed incredibly discomfited. Bethany was sure she had never seen him like this - she was sure he had never let  _ anyone  _ see him like this. ‘Well...we, um...there are injured to attend to.’

‘Yes, of course,’ Bethany agreed, looking up at him, thoroughly puzzled. ‘I should see to them.’

‘Yes. Farewell, Lady Hawke.’ He bowed slightly and turned to leave.

‘Bethany.’ He turned back to her in puzzlement. ‘You can call me Bethany.’ He looked shocked for a moment, and then a smile lit up his face, completely at odds with their surroundings. 

‘Farewell, Bethany.’ He bowed again, then turned around and strode back to Ellana, seeming to stand a little straighter than before.

\-----

It took a long time to recover from Adamant.

The trip back took a full week longer than the trip there, so it was over a month before Bethany saw Skyhold again. As the Inquisition rattled slowly across the bridge and through the gates, Bethany felt like she could properly breathe again for the first time in what felt like ages. 

She hadn’t realized how much Skyhold felt like  _ home _ until she was away. She hadn’t felt like she’d even had a home since they had left Lothering all those years ago, but seeing Skyhold felt almost like seeing their old family farm again - familiar, warm, and comforting. Despite the masses of wounded soldiers and all the work that lay ahead of her, she smiled fully for the first time in what felt like ages, and set about directing her healers and the other volunteers on where to distribute the dozens of wounded they had brought back from Adamant.

\-----

‘When was the last time you took a break?’ Bethany looked up from her desk to see Garrett leaning against the infirmary doorframe, arms crossed, smiling at her gently.

‘I’ve been too busy to take a break,’ she retorted, leaning back over the ledger where she kept very carefully detailed notes of all the goings-on in the infirmary. ‘I hear you’ve been relaxing enough for the both of us.’

‘I’ve earned it,’ he replied smugly. ‘And so have you. C’mon, baby sister, let’s go outside. When did you last see the sun?’

‘I’m busy, Garrett.’ She dipped her quill and continued her notes, ignoring when her brother pushed himself off the doorframe and came to perch on the edge of her desk, instead.

‘Bethy,’ he pleaded, and she had to keep her head resolutely bent over her ledger so he wouldn’t see the smile playing on her lips. ‘C’mon, they’ll be fine without you. You need to get out of here for a while.’ He was right, of course, but even though she wanted to leave, she was still reluctant. It had been a week since they’d returned from Adamant, and most of the wounded had been released from care, but there were still a few convalescing, and while she had complete faith in her healers to take care of things, she couldn’t help but feel like she had to be there for them. With a sigh, she looked up from her writing and glanced around the infirmary. Everything seemed perfectly in order, so she sighed again heavily, cared for her quill, then stood up, ignoring Garrett’s triumphant ‘HA!’

‘I think I’m done for the day,’ Bethany told Clarissa, who was tending to a soldier in the bed next to the desk.

‘Good,’ Clarissa replied without looking up. ‘You’ve been here for too long. Take tomorrow off, too.’

Bethany started to protest, but Clarissa glanced up at her, her expression brooking no argument, so Bethany shut her mouth, nodded, then followed Garrett out into the sunshine.

Once outside in the warm, breezy air of Skyhold, Bethany tipped her head back and took a deep breath. She had hardly had two hours off since they had returned - she had even slept and take all of her meals in the infirmary. She knew she didn’t strictly  _ have  _ to, but it felt good to be busy and useful, and the work was fulfilling. She and Garrett started up the stairs near the infirmary, coming out on the parapet overlooking the valley. Garrett tucked Bethany’s hand into the crook of his elbow and the two of them strolled along, enjoying the peace and quiet.

‘Do you think you could stay here?’ she asked after a while of walking silently by Garrett’s side. He glanced down at her, smiling.

‘You like it here, don’t you?’ he asked, rather than answering her.

‘It feels safe,’ she agreed, stopping to lean against the wall and look out over Skyhold. ‘I haven’t felt this comfortable in a long time. I...I can see myself staying here,’ she admitted, glancing at him from the corner of her eye. He was also staring out over Skyhold, looking contemplative.

‘I have to go to Weishaupt,’ he said after a while. ‘I’ve gotten word from Anders that they’re close to finding a way to end the Calling altogether.’

‘Oh,’ Bethany sighed, looking down at her hands.

‘When we’re finished, whenever that may be….’ He trailed off and Bethany looked up, hope blossoming in her chest. ‘When we’re finished, I’m sure Anders could be persuaded to...settle down.’ Bethany stared at him, then let out a loud laugh and threw her arms around his neck. He laughed and squeezed her tightly, planting a kiss on the top of her head. ‘I think we all need to have a home.’ Bethany nodded happily, and she and Garrett set off again, wandering aimlessly around the battlements, alternating between pleasant conversation and peaceful silence. It wasn’t really like Garrett to be that calm for that long, but Bethany could sense that even he was just ready for a little peace. 

‘When are you leaving?’ Bethany asked as they were coming to the end of the wall, near the keep.

‘The day after tomorrow.’ Bethany nodded. She didn’t want her brother to leave again, obviously, but she knew that he had to do this.

‘Well, I want you to hurry back, you hear me?’ she said in a mock-stern voice. Garrett laughed his loud, full-bodied laugh, and Bethany soon joined him, their voices ringing together and bouncing back off the stone of the keep, reverberating throughout the courtyard below.

\-----

Two days later, Bethany stood in the lower bailey and waved as Garrett rode out across the bridge on a borrowed Inquisition horse. He had promised - many times, per Bethany’s constant need for his reassurance - to return with Anders as soon as he was able. Still, as she watched him go, she felt her throat tighten, and screwed her face up against the tears threatening to spill.

‘Hey, Sunshine,’ Varric said from her elbow, reaching up to rest a reassuring hand on her arm. ‘He’ll be fine. He’s too stubborn for it to go any other way.’

‘I know,’ Bethany said with a choked laugh, rubbing her eyes. ‘But I just want us to be together in one spot for more than a couple of days.’

‘Someday,’ Varric promised, his voice absolutely brimming with conviction. ‘Now, tonight we’re going to play a game of Wicked Grace in the Rest, and you’re going to be there.’

‘I am?’ Bethany asked, raising one eyebrow.

‘Yep. I got Ruffles to come out from behind her desk, and I’ve even coaxed Curly down from his tower.’

‘Cullen’s going to be there?’ she asked in surprise, looking down just in time to catch the sly look Varric shot her. She frowned at him.

‘I made a few promises as to who would be attending, and managed to secure his participation.’ She wasn’t sure she liked what he was implying, but she had to admit that a game of Wicked Grace sounded nice. Especially since Isabela wouldn’t be there using her Special Rules.

‘I suppose I could excuse myself from the infirmary for another night,’ she conceded, and Varric grinned, a little bit wickedly.

‘I’ll see you at the Rest at sundown,’ he said firmly, patting her arm. Then, still smiling slightly to himself, he pulled a bit of parchment out from somewhere in his shirt, grabbed the quill that was always behind his ear, and walked off, scribbling something rapidly. Bethany watched him go, a small frown creasing her forehead, then shook her head and started back up to the infirmary. She wasn’t sure what Varric had up his sleeve, but she needed a relaxing evening so badly she didn’t much care.

With the promise of relaxation tucked into the back of her mind, she turned away from the gate and headed back to the infirmary, her steps a little lighter than before.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

Ambassador Montilyet was surprisingly good at Wicked Grace. Bethany thought it was because she was so good at dealing with nobility all day and having to hide her true feelings from her expression. Whatever her secret, she was beating them all handily. It was almost like playing with Isabela, but Josephine was far too guileless to get away with cheating.

‘Are you sure you haven’t played recently?’ Bethany grumbled as Josephine scooped her winnings from the middle of the table. They had been playing for hours now on the quiet top floor of the Rest - the Iron Bull was slumped down in his chair, snoring, and Sera had slid under the table about two rounds ago - and Josephine had won probably half of the games they had played. Varric alternated between telling raunchy jokes while flippantly playing horrible hands, and writing at whatever it was he had started that morning. 

As they played, they took turns telling more and more outrageous stories, trying to one-up each other. 

Cullen was finishing up a tale far more raucous than Bethany would expect from him.

‘The poor recruit ran into the dining hall in nothing but his knickers,’ he concluded, chuckling merrily. ‘And this...profound silence fell over the hall as every templar and mage turned to stare at him. Then, a slow round of applause began, and spread until every soul was on their feet - a standing ovation!’

‘What did he do then?’ Ellana asked through a snorting laugh. 

‘Saluted, turned on his heel, and marched out like he was in full armour!’

‘Maker!’ Cassandra gasped, choking on her ale as she laughed.

‘I believe I have one you might enjoy,’ Bethany spoke up, grinning at Cullen when he looked at her across the table. ‘No one ended up in their knickers...although I tried my best.’

‘Oh, this should be good,’ Varric chuckled.

‘It involves a Chantry Sister Initiate, and a very convoluted plot to obtain a plate of almond cakes.’

\-----

‘ _ That’s _ why your Chantry visit privileges were revoked?’ Cullen choked when Bethany finished her story. She nodded, grinning wickedly, and he shook his head, shaking with silent laughter. Everyone else at the table was in stitches, Dorian actually bent over the table laughing, Josephine letting out decidedly unladylike guffaws. Varric was frantically scribbling everything down around his chortles, looking positively delighted.

‘Sister Alexandra wouldn’t look me in the eye for  _ months _ afterwards,’ Bethany confessed with a giggle. Sitting there laughing and telling jokes like that, she felt more light and carefree than she had in years. She was a little tipsy from the mulled wine she’d been sipping all night, the fire was crackling merrily, and she was having a truly wonderful time.

‘I do hate to quit while I am ahead,’ Josephine said, still chuckling as she daintily stuffed her pockets with coins and various other winnings, including a handful of nuts and a cookie from Cole, ‘but I do have to get back to my desk. There is so much to prepare.’

‘I’ll see you back to your office,’ Ellana said quickly, jumping up so fast she almost knocked over her chair. Bethany hid her smile behind her wine cup - she knew that something was happening between the two women, it was only a matter of time before they did something about it.

‘I should be going as well,’ Cullen said, making to stand up, but Varric stopped him.

‘Oh, no, Curly,’ he admonished, that wicked glint from that morning back in his eye. ‘I was promised a full evening of Wicked Grace. And most of us aren’t done yet.’ He glanced at Bethany out of the corner of his eye, so quickly she was sure she had just made it up, and a deep flush spread across Cullen’s face.

‘A few more rounds then,’ he mumbled, sitting back down.

‘I believe it’s Bethany’s turn to deal,’ Varric said with a smirk, settling back in his chair and clasping his hands behind his head, looking entirely too self-satisfied for Bethany’s liking. Still, Bethany dealt them all in and named their starting bet, trying her best to keep her face stoic as she looked down at her positively abysmal hand.

‘I’m afraid our Ambassador has cleared me out completely,’ Cullen grumbled. ‘What shall I bet, since Varric is insisting I remain?’

‘Bet your fancy fur cloak,’ Varric replied slyly. Cullen glared at him, while Varric, remaining unphased, put his bet on the table. Finally, apparently seeing no better options, Cullen shrugged out of his cloak and draped it across the table. Bethany had seen him without the cloak before, of course. He hadn’t been wearing it during the battle at Adamant, and he rarely wore it when he was in his office, but seeing him in regular clothing sans cloak in a semi-public setting was unnerving. 

She was, however, determined to win that hideous cloak. She might even give it back to him, eventually.

Cassandra folded fairly quickly, while Blackwall upped the ante, prompting Cullen to throw in his leather belt. Bethany’s hand was horrible, but she saw the bet, hoping no one would call her bluff. Varric folded right after Bethany’s turn, casting a smirk her way, then Blackwall and Cullen followed suit after the next turn. Bethany laughed triumphantly as she showed her horrible cards, sweeping her various winnings - including a few coins, an iron ring, and two ale cups, mostly empty - into her small pile, before grabbing Cullen’s cloak and wrapping it around her shoulders with a flourish. It was warm and it smelled like the paste Bethany had given Cullen to massage his neck, and also something deeper, warmer. Something distinctly Cullen. It was also delightfully warm, no matter how hideous it was. Cullen was staring at her as she snuggled it tightly around her face, reveling in how comfortable it was, his face stricken. Varric was staring at Cullen, his smile more contemplative than knowing, his quill still for the moment. Cullen seemed to feel Varric’s gaze, and glanced over at him, then stared down at the table resolutely, his ears turning red.

Bethany was too busy talking to Dorian to notice any of this.

‘Shall we continue?’ Varric asked loudly, raising his tankard. Cullen glanced up at him, and Varric winked.

\-----

Cullen was naked.

Bethany was doing her best to look anywhere  _ except _ right across the table at him, but there was no way she could ignore the fact that Cullen was naked.

He was glaring daggers at Dorian, who was positively convulsing with laughter next to Bethany. Varric was calmly collecting his winnings, which now included Cullen’s shirt and trousers, and the Iron Bull - who had woken up in time to see Cullen strip nude - was complimenting Cullen on his chiseled abdominals, making the shorter man look supremely uncomfortable. Cullen did have a very nice, soldier’s physique.

Not that Bethany noticed.

Because she wasn’t looking at him at all.

Instead, she turned her face into the fur of Cullen’s cloak, feeling inexplicably flustered. This only confused matters more, as the cloak smelled so much like him she could almost see him in her mind’s eye. The way his hair caught the light of the fire, how his face seemed entirely relaxed that day, how the scar on his mouth stretched when he smiled…. _ Stop it! _ she chided herself, shaking her head and turning back to the table, unfortunately catching Cullen’s eye as she did. He looked pained. She felt like she probably looked the same way.

‘I’m leaving,’ Cassandra announced, pushing away from the table. ‘I do not want to witness our Commander’s walk of shame back to the barracks.’ 

‘I do,’ Dorian smirked, but stood up nonetheless. Soon everyone else followed suite, and Bethany shook herself out of her thoughts so she could also leave the table, avoiding Cullen’s eye as she turned away to allow him the privacy to leave. After a moment, she heard his chair scrape back, then the rapid pound of his footsteps as he bolted out of the room, probably back to his office to clothe himself again.

‘That was fun, wasn’t it?’ Varric said from her elbow.

‘Hmm? Oh, yes!’ Bethany shook herself again. ‘Yes, it was just what I needed.’

‘I bet it was,’ he said slyly, and she looked down at him sharply. He shrugged and laughed, then handed her the folded stack of Cullen’s clothing. ‘Give Curly a few minutes, then take these back to him. I’m sure he’s missing them.’ Bethany opened her mouth to protest, but Varric was already striding off, stopping to pick up his quill and parchment on his way out. Bethany stared after him, then down at the clothes in her arms, then sighed heavily and headed out after Cullen. She was sure, with how fast he had bolted out of there, that he was already back in his office.

Sure enough, the light was on in his tower office when Bethany made it outside, so she headed off around the curtain wall from the Rest to his tower. It was a chilly night, and she was grateful for Cullen’s heavy warm cloak as she bundled it more tightly around herself.

There was a slight scuffle behind the door when she knocked, and then a rather breathless ‘Come in!’ 

She pushed the door open tentatively, only entering fully when she saw him sitting at his desk, fully clothed, clearly trying to look composed.

‘Oh! Lady-Bethany!’ his composure dropped despite himself as he pushed away from his desk, standing hastily.

‘Varric asked me to give you your clothes back,’ she stammered, despite herself, shoving the pile of clothes at him. He came around his desk and took them, looking perplexed, yet amused. Bethany stood there, unsure what to do next, feeling more out of sorts than she had in a long time.

‘Thank you, Bethany,’ Cullen finally said, his voice soft, and Bethany finally looked up to meet his eye. He was looking down at her, something gentle and hopeful in his eyes. ‘I was worried I would have to face Varric tomorrow and beg for my clothing back, along with my dignity.’

‘Well, we couldn’t have that,’ Bethany laughed lightly. ‘You know Varric will never let you live this down as it is.’

‘Quite so,’ he agreed, and they fell in to silence again. He opened his mouth and then closed it again, shaking his head slightly.

‘I should get back to my room,’ Bethany said quietly. ‘I have to be in the infirmary tomorrow morning.’

‘Yes, of course,’ he replied, sounding like he was trying very hard to not sound disappointed. ‘Ellana would also like you in the war room tomorrow, midday, if you could. We have another operation upcoming, which she’d like you to be a part of.’

‘Of course.’ Bethany backed away towards the door, still keeping eye contact. She found herself strangely reluctant to leave. ‘Oh!’ She stopped and reached up to unclasp the cloak still tucked around her chin. ‘I almost forgot to give this back.’

‘Keep it,’ Cullen said hurriedly, then flushed when she looked up at him quizzically. ‘I mean...you can keep it for your walk back to your room, if you would like. It’s cold out there tonight.’ It was cold, and Bethany was very cozy inside Cullen’s cloak.

‘Thank you,’ she agreed, redoing the clasp and pulling it tight around her. ‘I’ll return it tomorrow.’

‘Of course. Good night, Bethany.’

‘Good night, Cullen.’ She backed up again, bumping into the open door, then spinning and practically sprinting from the room.

‘What was that, Bethany?’ she muttered aloud to herself, shaking her head at her own ridiculousness. Still, she inhaled deeply and snuggled into his cloak as she made her way back to her room.

\-----

Bethany excused herself from the infirmary at midday the next day, and made her way to the war room, Cullen’s cloak tucked under her arm. Her mind had been straying back to the night before all day, making it incredibly difficult to concentrate. The scent from his cloak still lingered in her hair, and she caught a whiff of it every time she turned her head. It did nothing to help clear her mind.

The war room doors were unlocked when she arrived, and Cassandra and Cullen were the only ones present yet. Seeing him fully armored, sans cloak, she had a sudden, ill-timed flash of how the skin of his shoulders looked in the flickering firelight the night before, and she sincerely hoped that her face didn’t turn as red as she felt it did. She felt herself unable to look away from his face as she crossed the room to the table, wondering what he was thinking.

‘Here’s your cloak back,’ she said, a little breathily, holding the red garment out to him. Their fingers brushed when he took the cloak from her, and Cullen’s ear tinged pink. ‘Thank you for letting me borrow it. It was appreciated on the walk back.’ 

‘Of course, Bethany,’ he responded, and Bethany felt herself suddenly incredibly interested in the details of the war table map.

Cassandra cleared her throat and Bethany groaned internally. She had somehow forgotten that the Seeker was there. When Bethany turned back to look at the other woman, she saw that Leliana, Josephine, and Ellana had arrived as well.  _ Excellent _ . They shot her knowing looks, but thankfully none of them said anything.

‘We’ve received an invitation from Empress Celene,’ Ellana began once Leliana had sealed the chamber door. Bethany watched as Ellana placed an Inquisition marker over Halamshiral, in Orlais. ‘Ostensibly, we’re invited to a ball at the Winter Palace, so we can show the Orlesian society the power of the Inquisition.’ Cullen snorted, unsuccessfully trying to hide it in a cough, and Ellana smirked. ‘Yes, exactly,’ she agreed. ‘In actuality, a plot against the Empress’s life has been uncovered, and she wishes the Inquisition to root out the plotters and secure the palace.’

‘Why can’t she do this herself?’ Bethany asked before she could stop herself. 

‘That’s what I asked.’ Ellana’s smirked turned into a grin. ‘Apparently, this is a chance for us to prove ourselves. If we can stop the assassination successfully and figure out who’s planned it, we can secure the Empress Celene’s support. The whole debacle is...less than ideal, but Josie’s assured me that this is the best way to secure the troops and funds we need.’ 

‘This is where we would like your help, Lady Hawke,’ Josephine said, turning to Bethany. ‘Your brother is very popular in Orlais. They think him a very romantic figure.’ Bethany and Cullen both snorted in amusement at the same time. ‘Quite,’ Josephine agreed. ‘Since we cannot have him present, we think that having you there might be just as good. We also don’t know what direction this visit will take, and we might need a healer. Will you come with us?’

‘Of course,’ Bethany agreed immediately. Not only did she feel it was her duty to assist whenever she was asked to, but she had secretly always wanted to see the Winter Palace. It was supposed to be beautifully decadent beyond belief, and the inner workings of the Orlesian Game intrigued her. ‘When do we leave?’

‘Not for three weeks, but preparations have to be made.’ Josephine flipped through the many pages on her writing board, eyes scanning them quickly. ‘I’ll need to get your measurements today, Lady Hawke, so that we may send away for suitable clothing.’

‘Oh, I don’t need-’ Bethany began to protest, but Josephine held up a hand.

‘Fashion is of utmost importance to the Orlesians,’ she said without looking up. ‘If we are to be taken seriously, we must dress the part. That includes you. The ball will last for three nights, so we will each need three gowns. The Inquisition has also been invited to dine with Empress Celene herself, so we will all need appropriate clothing for the occasion.’ She shot Ellana a look out of the corner of her eye, and Bethany stifled a grin behind her hands at Ellana’s scowl. Everyone knew that she preferred her comfortable hunting-style clothes, so getting her into something more fancy and restrictive would be a chore Bethany didn’t envy. ‘Lady Hawk and Commander Cullen, after we are done here please meet me in my office to get your measurements. I’ve brought in a seamstress from Orlais who comes highly recommended amongst the nobility.’

‘Now wait just a moment,’ Cullen protested, looking entirely displeased at being brought into the fray.

‘ _ Everyone _ must look the part, Commander,’ Josephine reminded him primly. ‘The Inquisition must prove itself to the nobility.’

‘Very well,’ he grumbled, and Bethany couldn’t contain the laugh that bubbled up at the look of indignation, bordering on fury, that graced his face. He shot a scowl in her direction, which only made her laugh more.

‘Yes, well, I believe that was all for today,’ Ellana decided. ‘I’m going to leave before Josie decides she needs to measure me, too.’

‘That will come later, Inquisitor,’ Josephine promised lightly, and Bethany wasn’t the only one in the room to catch her double meaning, judging by the carefully stifled coughs coming from Leliana and Cullen.

‘Oh. Well. Excellent. Yes, good day...Ambassador. Commander.’ Ellana rushed out of the room, face blazing, and Josephine swept after her, looking silently triumphant. 

‘Best not keep Josephine waiting,’ Bethany said to Cullen when they found themselves the last two in the room. ‘She’s lovely but she seems like she’d be dangerous if she doesn’t get her way.’

‘Oh, she is,’ Cullen said fervently, gathering up his cloak and slinging it over his shoulders. ‘It’s not something I want to see again, if I’m honest.’ They reached the door at the same time, and Cullen reached around her to pull it open first, his other hand brushing her waist lightly to usher her through. She shied away from his touch automatically and he quickly retracted his hand. Bethany regretted her gut reaction immediately but there was no way to subtly take it back, so she and Cullen walked to Josie’s office with him at a respectful distance, and Bethany was left with a strange, inexplicable ache in her stomach. 


End file.
